The last time

It has been more than a year since my last post here.. it is 2012 today.

A lot has changed.. but one is I am very sure has not. My brother. When will he grow up? When will he do things responsibly? When will he be more considerate? Sometimes, I just can't take it, man.. My hair has the pungent smell of smoke because of him. And I was ready to go to bed. Bleah.........

2012 - A year of change.

To be truthful, there are more and more doubts running through my mind now that the day is now closer than it was before. Will we get along well? Will I be able to live in another place and call that place home? Can I let go my feelings of reservation and start treating my soon-to-be in-laws like my own family? So many doubts, so many fears and the biggest fear of all is that I will be alone. Should I not get along with my in-laws, I will be all alone.. I don't think I will be able to confide in my partner as this is such a sensitive issue. It would be fine if it was just a weekly visit. But it is not. Plus, after staying in my new house, we will ultimately move back.

Sometimes, I wonder what we got our house for. Home is actually so important to me.. It is a place I can actually call my own. Moving into someone's house, it is not easy making that place "Home" because it is not mine. Rules, which are not my own, that I have to abide with. Habits will have to be changed, perspective, attitude.... Changes.

Perhaps I am seriously not ready to make these changes. What am I getting myself into? These are the thoughts running through my mind. We get into arguments because of this. Who should give in? Conditions are set from the very beginning 4 years ago. There is no turning back anymore. The only way is to move forward together or separately.

Am I ready to embrace the changes? Or, will I run away like a coward, afraid to make these changes and commit to my promise?

Money - Will I make enough in 2012?

This is the other stress point. Splitting is fine. But owing money is not. Where can I find the money to save when I still owe the money equivalent to my savings?

I believe that 2012 will be a make or break year for us.. The year when all our doubts about each other will surface..