what's with the title? im amusing mself. well it's written all over augustine's blog. since i've already taken down his blog link, if u can still remember what's his blog address you can go and read it. yesterday i cried the whole day. when i came home from school, after i woke up from my nap and after i read that entry that was a direct blow to my heart. i guess i deserved that. we did talk at last when he decided to entertain me for a while...and i thought we were back together but not together again. so i msged him when i woke up only to find out that he thinks we haven't and he doesn't believe me. ha...i was so close to tearing again.
he no doubtly feels more freedom with his life (from his blog) and no doubtly feels much more happier.
there's a thin line between self-pity and admitting my mistakes. i really don't know where's that thin line.
i thought, with him in my life i can get through jc life easier cuz this is someone i started jc life with for almost 9 months. im really used to the fact that i can look forward to seeing him after school. it's a comfort, i guess, cuz i've never experienced what's it like to have someone you love in the same school. i decided to delete an entry from my blog because it is very childish and augustine don't shouldn't have read that entry cuz i didn't mean what i said (if he still reads my blog anyway). it was written in anger.
im really trying to move on with my life. i really am. i just feel like i lost an anchor in my life. shows how ingrateful i am right? i did take him for granted. now he doesn't want me anymore. so why am i crying? im the one who shouldn't be crying right?
my sister and my brother came to knock some sense into me. what they said really helped. both of them went through the same thing and both of them got over it. when i say same thing i mean they went through what augustine did and the breakup. is this entry full of self-pity? maybe in a few years i'll know.
i have to be strong for myself.
will write soon.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Enjoy the silence.
i decided to do this cuz i read my erjie's blog and saw that she had badly wanted me to do this. so here goes:
3 names you by:
= wanqi
= woonch
= qi
3 screen names you have had:
= april
= wanqi
= wanqi (dnt act much)
3 physical things you like about yourself:
= my eyes
= my breasts (haha!)
= my....hmm...ears? they're special cuz you dnt get the exact replicate or similar ears with other people.
3 physical things you dnt like about yourself:
= my tummy
= my fat butt
= my fat thighs
3 things that scare you
= scaring myself. that's the worst.
= finding any one of my family members dead
= losing my identity as a woman and as myself
3 of your daily essentials:
= wallet
= handphone
= keys
3 things you're wearing right now:
= my favourite op shirt
= my favourite grey shorts which my sister bought for me
= underwear
3 of your favourite bands or musical artistes:
= taking back sunday
= incubus
= lostprophets
3 of your favourite songs:
= ...slowdance on the inside
= lost and found
= there's no 'I' in the team (all by tbs)
3 things you want in a relationship:
= understanding
= companionship
= love
truth or lie:
= im depressed
= im a virgin
= im a waste of God's resources
3 physical things of the preferred sex that attracts you:
= height. i like tall guys. (>1.8m)
= six pecs
= large eyes with double eyelid
3 of your favourite hobbies:
= listening to music
= reading comics
= not studying and not doing my homework
3 things you want to do badly right now:
= move on and change quickly
= pass promos
= study
3 places you want to go on a vacation:
= indonesia
= laos
= vietnam ( these will change in a few days)
3 things you want to do before you die:
= be good at squash
= at least feel a sense of achievement
= have at least 3 boys
3 ways that you are stereotypically a boy:
= im lazy
= im rough
= i always try to pretend im tough
3 ways that you are stereotypically a girl:
= i think i do look like a girl...right???...haha...
= i have breasts
= i whine (alot)
3 male celeb crushes:
= keanu reeves
= ...
= ... (not a big fan of tv)
3 people that i would like to see to take this quiz now:
= augustine
= God
= my doppelganger
3 names you by:
= wanqi
= woonch
= qi
3 screen names you have had:
= april
= wanqi
= wanqi (dnt act much)
3 physical things you like about yourself:
= my eyes
= my breasts (haha!)
= my....hmm...ears? they're special cuz you dnt get the exact replicate or similar ears with other people.
3 physical things you dnt like about yourself:
= my tummy
= my fat butt
= my fat thighs
3 things that scare you
= scaring myself. that's the worst.
= finding any one of my family members dead
= losing my identity as a woman and as myself
3 of your daily essentials:
= wallet
= handphone
= keys
3 things you're wearing right now:
= my favourite op shirt
= my favourite grey shorts which my sister bought for me
= underwear
3 of your favourite bands or musical artistes:
= taking back sunday
= incubus
= lostprophets
3 of your favourite songs:
= ...slowdance on the inside
= lost and found
= there's no 'I' in the team (all by tbs)
3 things you want in a relationship:
= understanding
= companionship
= love
truth or lie:
= im depressed
= im a virgin
= im a waste of God's resources
3 physical things of the preferred sex that attracts you:
= height. i like tall guys. (>1.8m)
= six pecs
= large eyes with double eyelid
3 of your favourite hobbies:
= listening to music
= reading comics
= not studying and not doing my homework
3 things you want to do badly right now:
= move on and change quickly
= pass promos
= study
3 places you want to go on a vacation:
= indonesia
= laos
= vietnam ( these will change in a few days)
3 things you want to do before you die:
= be good at squash
= at least feel a sense of achievement
= have at least 3 boys
3 ways that you are stereotypically a boy:
= im lazy
= im rough
= i always try to pretend im tough
3 ways that you are stereotypically a girl:
= i think i do look like a girl...right???...haha...
= i have breasts
= i whine (alot)
3 male celeb crushes:
= keanu reeves
= ...
= ... (not a big fan of tv)
3 people that i would like to see to take this quiz now:
= augustine
= God
= my doppelganger
Saturday, August 27, 2005
Your Own Disaster
hi all...
i am 17. don't feel any difference though...
but one thing im sure is that this is definately the awkwardest stage of my life.
yesterday i played squash at jan's house!! really fun.. Thanks jan!!! for introducing this sport to me. i really like it. thinking of getting a squash racket, a squash ball, court shoes...but before i do that i will have to save up and work. think of quitting printscreen after promos. if possible want to join squash. though people might say things like "oh it's so enclosed" blah blah... i really like playing it. now my butt and lower back are aching!! haha...so weak. no stamina. need to exercise man!! miss the f and c training for pe.
anyway...im currently wasting time. sigh.....
okay..blog next time..
oh! the picture is the beach i went to in hualien, taiwan! haha...
later
i am 17. don't feel any difference though...
but one thing im sure is that this is definately the awkwardest stage of my life.
yesterday i played squash at jan's house!! really fun.. Thanks jan!!! for introducing this sport to me. i really like it. thinking of getting a squash racket, a squash ball, court shoes...but before i do that i will have to save up and work. think of quitting printscreen after promos. if possible want to join squash. though people might say things like "oh it's so enclosed" blah blah... i really like playing it. now my butt and lower back are aching!! haha...so weak. no stamina. need to exercise man!! miss the f and c training for pe.
anyway...im currently wasting time. sigh.....
okay..blog next time..
oh! the picture is the beach i went to in hualien, taiwan! haha...
later
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Great Romances of the 20th Century
ha!
yesterday's wonderful dinner for augustine's birthday. this was after dinner already. oh i mean we finished desert and were about to leave. we watched a movie after that. guess what we watched? it was fantastic okay!! regardless of what others say. i absolutely loved it. i saw johnie, my ex-crush yesterday with his (on and off?) girlfriend. feel happy for them.
anyway. this is a message for my dearest:
\i hope u had fun yesterday and that u enjoyed dinner and the movie though the ending of the day sucked. it seems we cannot escape that kind of moments. i love u. happy 17th birthday =)\
alright. he has a blog!! so feel free to visit his blog (i think) !!
later
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Slow dance on the inside
hey baby hey baby hey!!!
haha...im actually not so jolly now.
have you ever felt like you're gonna faint anytime?like you're constantly falling from a high cliff. that kinda feeling is what im getting now. think it's not enough sleep and my body is not able to adapt as quickly to my sleeping habits. but this has never given me any problems before cuz i've never felt this way before. sigh...
yesterday i think i had a nervous breakdown. i felt constantly close to tears the whole day in school. all because that ... mr wee wanted to talk to me. he is my cca teacher. he asked me why i've not been attending meetings and blah blah blah...i was so sian. i didn't want to talk to him. there's filming today for our advertisement. it's for this competition or something at the ned of this year. i feel so tired and just want to go home and sleep. but if i don't go i feel like im not living up to my words. im not as reliable as before.
during bio tutorial yesterday, i told ms foo that i threw my qn 2 tutorial away because it was too messy. she asked if i had a problem and i said yes, im a neat freak. haha...she said that my handwriting was like...so how can i be a neat freak? later in class she talked to me and she said that i shouldn't be so bothered about my writing. i don't know why but when she talked to me about this i felt like crying. pms maybe? it's been 4 days. delayed i mean. stress? can't totally blame it on that right? i didn't use to allow myself to use the stress word on myself. i think i should continue to feel that cuz i just keep falling back to that word whenever i feel tired, whatever. i think i got an F for chem again. okay make that im sure i have a F for my chem test. i didn't really study fro that test. sigh. I DON'T WANNA FAIL PROMOS!!!!!
my relationship with augustine has become strained. i seldom talk to him now and we only go out once a month. he's no longer allowed into my house because my mom dislikes him. i think this has happened largely because of me. i should have done lots of things but i didn't and am still not doing. nowadays i get quite irritated at him. like this morning. it must be because i can't seem to put a smile to my face or something. he saw me and didn't smile too. he asked me what's wrong and i said nothing. then he asked me if i wanted mentose. i said no. he insisted and broke off a bit of it. that was when i got irritated. sigh...............argh!!!!
sometimes i feel like commiting suicide, which is immensly ridiculous.
hope this can all change for the better.
blog more next time.
later.
haha...im actually not so jolly now.
have you ever felt like you're gonna faint anytime?like you're constantly falling from a high cliff. that kinda feeling is what im getting now. think it's not enough sleep and my body is not able to adapt as quickly to my sleeping habits. but this has never given me any problems before cuz i've never felt this way before. sigh...
yesterday i think i had a nervous breakdown. i felt constantly close to tears the whole day in school. all because that ... mr wee wanted to talk to me. he is my cca teacher. he asked me why i've not been attending meetings and blah blah blah...i was so sian. i didn't want to talk to him. there's filming today for our advertisement. it's for this competition or something at the ned of this year. i feel so tired and just want to go home and sleep. but if i don't go i feel like im not living up to my words. im not as reliable as before.
during bio tutorial yesterday, i told ms foo that i threw my qn 2 tutorial away because it was too messy. she asked if i had a problem and i said yes, im a neat freak. haha...she said that my handwriting was like...so how can i be a neat freak? later in class she talked to me and she said that i shouldn't be so bothered about my writing. i don't know why but when she talked to me about this i felt like crying. pms maybe? it's been 4 days. delayed i mean. stress? can't totally blame it on that right? i didn't use to allow myself to use the stress word on myself. i think i should continue to feel that cuz i just keep falling back to that word whenever i feel tired, whatever. i think i got an F for chem again. okay make that im sure i have a F for my chem test. i didn't really study fro that test. sigh. I DON'T WANNA FAIL PROMOS!!!!!
my relationship with augustine has become strained. i seldom talk to him now and we only go out once a month. he's no longer allowed into my house because my mom dislikes him. i think this has happened largely because of me. i should have done lots of things but i didn't and am still not doing. nowadays i get quite irritated at him. like this morning. it must be because i can't seem to put a smile to my face or something. he saw me and didn't smile too. he asked me what's wrong and i said nothing. then he asked me if i wanted mentose. i said no. he insisted and broke off a bit of it. that was when i got irritated. sigh...............argh!!!!
sometimes i feel like commiting suicide, which is immensly ridiculous.
hope this can all change for the better.
blog more next time.
later.
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Number five with a bullet
HEY PEOPLE!!!!
haha...finally felt like updating. okay here are the updates on my life:
1) im stressed.
2) IM SO INTO TAKING BACK SUNDAY
3) I keep seeing this guy in school. ask jan man! right right????jan???
4) I failed my midyears totally. Got a OOFF. haha...
5) Im still with my wonderful boyfriend though we like to quarrel almost everyday of the week. it's kinda like our favourite pastime.
6) Im going out with yiyun this friday cuz it's HER BIRTHDAY!!! YAY!!!
7) On MY birthday, im gonna have 2 CAs. One before school and one after school. yay.
8) my form teacher dislikes me. i can tell. i think. okay. being too paranoid.
9) i dislike my cca. never has it been this bad before. i mean my dislike for any of my ccas. there are only 8 people in it. whoowee.
10) I'm staying back every tues to do math (with the exception of today and next week.)
11) i'm gonna fail my bio test which i had today. sigh...
12) i got very motivated by what my principal Ms Lai said last friday.
13) it's very late.
14) i can't wait for holidays.
okay. more next month or when i feel like blogging. haha...tata...
later.
oh oh!!! i miss u all my wonder friends!!!
oh oh oh!!! i love u dearestsweetiepiewhichtastesandsmellssogood!!!!
haha...finally felt like updating. okay here are the updates on my life:
1) im stressed.
2) IM SO INTO TAKING BACK SUNDAY
3) I keep seeing this guy in school. ask jan man! right right????jan???
4) I failed my midyears totally. Got a OOFF. haha...
5) Im still with my wonderful boyfriend though we like to quarrel almost everyday of the week. it's kinda like our favourite pastime.
6) Im going out with yiyun this friday cuz it's HER BIRTHDAY!!! YAY!!!
7) On MY birthday, im gonna have 2 CAs. One before school and one after school. yay.
8) my form teacher dislikes me. i can tell. i think. okay. being too paranoid.
9) i dislike my cca. never has it been this bad before. i mean my dislike for any of my ccas. there are only 8 people in it. whoowee.
10) I'm staying back every tues to do math (with the exception of today and next week.)
11) i'm gonna fail my bio test which i had today. sigh...
12) i got very motivated by what my principal Ms Lai said last friday.
13) it's very late.
14) i can't wait for holidays.
okay. more next month or when i feel like blogging. haha...tata...
later.
oh oh!!! i miss u all my wonder friends!!!
oh oh oh!!! i love u dearestsweetiepiewhichtastesandsmellssogood!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
