Choking on shoelaces

okay. Just a quick post.


My exams are OVER! hahaha... Anyway the reason for this post is so to tell you (my lovely friends) that I'm FREE. To shop, hang out, whatever. Till Jan la. haha.. so CALL ME. okay. haha..


Next:


I so badly want to try harder to make it different. I WANT it to be different. I want my Life to be different.


I'm really trying to be more open minded but at the same time, more opinionated. Sometimes I find myself too accepting to people's ideas and thoughts that I don't really try to challenge them. That's quite a disadvantage if you ask me because for a paper which requires thoughts and argument, I kinda suck.


I'm trying. I want to be different from this past year, I want to show everyone that I can be quite grown up when it comes to a relationship. I don't want to run around in circles, I don't want to make a big fuss out of a piece of sand, I don't want to quarrel. I want to be happy. and I'm sure i'm not the only one.


Oh yeah. Haha.. I just want to say that I think Men in general are JUST LIKE WOMEN.


Here is my case:


Men = Women + EGO + PRIDE. But since some women are Women = Women + Pride + Ego, I conclude, using logical equivalence, that Men = Women. HAHA.


WHY? Here's why:


They
- secretly want lots of attention and will in their own way demand for it => Like women.
- actually secretly love to gossip and complain => Like women. Except we're obvious about it.
- will get hurt easily. => Like some women.
- keep everything inside them. => Like some women.
- secretly want people to guess what they're thinking about. => Women's trait.


The list can go on and on. But I'll stop here. haha..


Anyone disagree with my case? feel free to start a debate with me. haha.. I want to practice my argument skills.

Pour some sucre on me BABY!

My cinema studies paper is in 1 and 30 mins! And I have sort of run out of ideas. It'll be a challenging/argumentative/discussion/debate sort of paper. I have to convince myself for the next few minutes that I'm GOOD at bullshitting and writing at the speed of light.


Yeah baby! I'm GOOOOOOd.


You know what is the worse thing? I only started studying for this paper last night and my only solution is to write all sorts of nonsense into my book which I can bring in with me. Some old habits die hard.


Bullshitting - Im Good at it.


28 hours more!!!!!!!! I really cant wait.


Top 10 things I want to do:


1) Hug and kiss my mom
2) Hug and kiss my cat (just to irritate her. haha...but i know she digs it.wah ha )
3) S H O P - for anything - clothes, shoes, books, comics, earrings, whatever
4) Go to the beach for some fun activity with Kp
5) Sleep on my WONDERFUL WONDERFUL BED
6) Buy presents
7) Watch shows on my mac
8) Watch a movie in the cinema
9) Eat at a nice Jap restaurant
10) Clean up my room at NTU camp because it's getting really dirty and messy. hahaha! - this no. 10 is totally optional for me though. I might not do it. haha..


just a bit more...feel so out of breath...sigh...and my grades are not going to be fantastic...sigh...okay. ignore that.

One Step Closer

Im so sick of NTU camp. 

So sick of studying.

So sick of being here. 

So bored. 

UGH...

发刻你！！！ 你这个没用的臭恶性按摩师！！！

haha...okay. Spend quite some time getting the words right. anyway. Its (for my non-chinese friends) fuck u! (fa ke ni. get it? haha) You useless EXAMS!!! (haha...but when i typed the word "EXAMS!!!!" it came out "perverted evil masseuse" -- direct translation. haha..) 

haha...okay. that was quite entertaining. 

sigh....so bored I have to resort to this. 

My exam is in another 4plus hours. So sick of it.. 

Think I haven't seen home for like a MONTH! hmm.... and you know what I miss most???

MY KITTY CAT.......

Aint No Time to Play

I just realised that i have a 4 year relationship with my blog. It has seen me sad, happy, angry, overwhelmed, depressed...Wow. It's the closest to companion as one can get. Another thing i realised is...My entries are slowly getting shorter and shorter, and lesser and lesser.


Wow....4 years. next year i'll be TWENTY. Scary....


in other 12 hours will be my first paper...


sigh...

Say Yes

Just had a very nice dinner with my family. Our table was filled with laughter and joy (compared to the family next to us)..haha..


Its nice to have a nice dinner with them..want to go home..miss my cat. haha..


hmm....


exams are here.....


bleah...

hmm....want to meet my girlfriends soon...Nad...YY...Sinyi...


wonder how im gonna do. seem to be quite bad. my mom seem to have no expectation of me. hahaha....


i seem to have no expectation of myself.


ah...whatever.


Happy birthday mami! i know you'll be reading this. I love u. :) *muacks*

Stormy weather

i know this is my second blog entry.


anything to put off studying.


sigh......


everyone is working hard...except me.


I cant seem to get my act together. im lulled in my cocoon of security over my grades when they are actually close to nonexistent. i have done no planning..my exams are next week and im still here wondering where i can study and who i can study with.

excuses excuses excuses......


i want to run away......

How about enough - You Wouldn't Mean a Thing to Me Anymore

Ah! Blog. How I have missed you so.


Exams are just around the corner. I miss my home, I miss the Bedok Mac (that is being demolished as we speak), I miss my family, I miss my friends.


I so badly want to go somewhere else other than this end of the world to study because I just cannot do it well here. I want to go the other side of the world (Changi Airport). Sigh.......


Why did I choose this end of the world again?


Stupid lectures and tutorials are still going on teaching new things when exams are starting next week. This means im still wholed up here in this place. I want to go home...not to study obviously. I cant study at home. It's been proven. I refuse to force myself to get stressed at home because HOME = RELAXATION = SLEEP = ENJOYMENT = CONTENTMENT.


Sigh....how i miss you HOME...


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*Warning : A revisitation to the past (as usual)*


It's been....about 4 months since Willie and I are not together. Seriously..I'm glad it's over. It was a long drawn break-up waiting to happen. Okay. So it was not so long. Whoever made the first move does not matter. I'm glad he found someone he can have a new relationship with and I'm glad I am currently dating a pretty wonderful guy. Perhaps 5 years really took it's toll on us. But then again, would this 4 years repeat history? I'm thinking, "Unlikely".


Kp and Willie are two completely different people with completely different characters. So don't get me wrong. When I thought myself in love with Willie (perhaps I did), I loved everything about him, right down to his extreme male ego that's bigger than the universe. Love IS blind. I was blinded to his faults, exposed only when we broke the circle. Or let me rephrase that. I ignored/loved/pushed aside/accepted his faults because that was what I thought I should do. Yup...


" We were never lovers, more than friends"


hmm...Why did I revisit this issue? I guess..this issue links to many things..Like how I ran away from my problems. A prime example happened at the end of everything, completely unrelated to the whole problem yet was the cause of my psychological blockout to the problem. sigh...Ran away I have. I was completely convinced that was the right thing to do. But till now I have no idea how to fix it. I have pushed it to a corner to my mind but it keeps haunting me - even in my dreams. I really regret getting together with/turning to a guy to get better. I REALLY REALLY REALLY regret it man.....


Stupid mistake.


If you ask me, I think it is unlikely that this guy and I will ever be friends ever again, although it it is too early to tell. Seriously..I have a phobia. For everything that has to do with that guy and all guys that look/act/talk like him. Stupid....caused this to myself. Wish it gone. BE GONE PHOBIA!


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Hmm...Just to satisfy your curiosity about kp (if you do happen to be curious that is. haha..):

He is:


Tall. hahahahahahahaha.........


Down to earth. Unlike ... a certain someone I used to know. haha...


Understanding.


Accepting. (of everything about me. Even whatever mood swings I have or whatever music i like or whatever weird/unique (cheh..haha..) habit I have)


Loud. or Noticeable in a crowd. (or perhaps that's just for me. haha..)


Confident. (I admire this quality in guys)


Unselfish. Kind.


Eats chili, isn't allergic to seafood, eats fish like a man should (unbelievable that this is coming out from me? haha..believe it), eats basically almost everything la. Why is this important? Because I love food. And I LOVE to share good food. So I really can't be with someone who is picky about everything or is SO critical. These comes from past experiences with a couple of guys.


Religious. (or maybe he just doesn't eat beef. haha..)


Opinionated.


Loves his family.


Affectionate.


hmm....


I haven't seen his unagreeable side yet because three months of honeymoon dating just passed. I'm waiting to see it because this time, I'm not so blind. Still blind la but not so. Which is better than nothing. haha..Whatever it is, I'm keeping an open mind. Or trying to.
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hmm....I am 19. and I'm just a nobody trying to make it through this life. I need a holiday. I want to travel. I miss paris. I miss those French people. I miss China. Okay. Maybe I don't. haha..But the POINT IS....I miss travelling. Full Stop. I want to go on imagining what it's like to live other people's lives instead of living my own.


I want to run away.


I want to go home.


I want to be professionally lazy. If it is possible. haha....