poison in my veins

ha! im having slight fever at last! after months of thinking i have an infallible, powerful immune system that will eat ALL those stupid bacteria and virus im FINALLY proven wrong! haha..


yes, i AM sick. haha...


thanks to hoting, i've been watching bleach via youtube.com and sad to say, i rrreally like it. haha..


i like being at home. just wanted to say that. haha..


oh! if any of you think you like hardcore/punk/emo/metal/metalcore/emocore etc (there are lots of genres of course. not just these few) and have ALOT of time, go purevolume.com. you can browse on lots of bands there and also listen to some of their songs. it's pretty time-consuming of course. but if you love music and want to know what is beyond whats playing on the radio, this is quite a good place to go. you can even download the songs from some bands for free. :)


:) i feel happy. yay.

life on standby

yes, here i am again.


i think im very blessed to have a family who cares about me. my brother actually worries about me. from what i hear about most brothers my girlfriends have, they sound like they dont really show their concerns or feelings of affection towards their sisters. maybe one can say my brother was brought up well to care for his sisters.


God has given me the chance to be born into a family like mine and i will be forever thankful and grateful towards Him.

inspiration on demand

im SO sleepy..


but im glad i went to the soccer match though i think i almost lost my voice shouting and cheering like mad. haha..


we WON!!! 3-2, versus tpjc (hahahahahaha....). oops. haha..


at their home ground somemore.


tomorrow will be another short day and then it'll be a LONG weekend with labour day on monday! yay.. :D


okay. i know im like blogging contantly now. i guess my desire to tell SOMEONE (even if i dont know you and i have never met you) about what is happening in my life is just so strong. give me another few days or so and i won't be blogging so much. trust me. haha..im always like that. a few days to adapt okay? :)


oh yeah! nad, i just want to say THANK YOU for wanting to be there for me and showing me that you care. you really helped me this time and thanks to you, i can feel much better in such a short time. i love you babe! thanks for being there when i needed a friend. *hug* just remember to call me whenever you need me okay? remember: whenever, wherever. :)


happy shalala...haha..

go home, get down

dinner yesterday went fine. felt much much better today than i had yesterday or the day before.


i believe i'll be fine by tomorrow? haha...so soon.


it was a comfortable dinner. seems like being friends is okay. im glad things are made 100% clear and i have no qualms about it anymore. i understand everything perfectly fine and if im not the person for him then so be it. :)


i am such an understanding person huh. haha..so please don't take advantage of me okay! haha..


im glad my sis is like having THE time of her life right now. im feeling just a slight twinge of jealousy. haha.. YEAH RIGHT! gosh...i can ALMOST smell the fresh cold mountain air when viewing all those pictures she sent over.


man...just a few more months to go. maybe i shall go beijing or australia or japan next year! :) cant wait.

ask me now

today was okay! :)


didn't cry at all today. cool. my adaptability has vastly improved.


going for dinner soon. okay. im feeling fairly good.


:)


yes. maybe it's just the music.

creating something out of nothing

tomorrow is a new day!!


:)


had dinner with nad. she was so nice to come visit me!! i love you babe! thanks for meeting me today. i think i needed it.


stupid hoting! everyday he can go for competition! but this envy is only to a small extent la..can you imagine the amount of work he has to catch up with?? but i think he can do it. damn! haha..


what do you do when you dont want to do whatever that is currently important in your life? you blog. haha...geez.


okay. im L-O-N-E-L-Y. so talk to me!


okay im just kidding. really. like totally serious. :D im alright. for certain periods of time. it's like having spasms. haha..tell me to get real. quick. haha...

long way down

i feel miserable. i cant seem to do anything without tearing. i cant study. i cant enjoy sushi. i don't think i want to curl up on my bed because i then i think i'll end up even worse. shit. i miss him. sigh. damn periods. it's not helping at all that my period is NOW. every emotion is intensified. ARGH!!!!!


i wonder what will be my next move?

after you're gone

just got off the phone with c. im going to miss him SO much. at least he was willing to explain to me. i will always have you in my heart.


okay babe. move on. be strong. you have done this countless times.


i don't want to break up!!! *sobs*


sigh.


strong different personalities. i know i can never try to convince you otherwise. but i still love you.


sigh...at least this will make my nights and my breaks easier. NOT. haha...


i love you, c. thanks for showing me so many wonderful things in the time that we had together. :)

rash decisions. something i always do and regret after. loneliness.


i don't know. what is going to happen next? love. am i going to be loved? am i going to be shown love? perhaps i asked too much. lost. like falling into an abyss after letting someone's hand go. did i make the right decision? i really don't know. the phrase "if you let someone go and that person comes back to you, that person is yours" plays in my head but who am i to predict the future? sometimes decisions made can never be unmade.


i love you and i want to be with you but somehow the feeling i get is that you don't want to be with me as much as i want to be with you. perhaps you dont even care whether or not im in your life. but i really dont know. maybe you'll be much happier without this relationship adding on to your stress. your day offs spent more wisely and i will no longer post a problem in your life.


lost. what a word.

put back the stars

i had a great day out yesterday. =)


somehow everytime i go out with c, it's always fun-filled and really relaxing. it's all about having fun and not thinking so much about what others will think. he said he enjoyed it too so i guess the feeling is very mutual =). haha..


i attended the catholic service for good friday and it was...overwhelming. well it was just going through the stations, which are the "stages" (i have no idea how to say this. forgive me if it sounds odd) jesus went through before he dies, but it was very overwhelming for me.


things are going well for c and i at the moment.


i feel like buying the blindside album "'the great depression". but im currently out of cash. sian. haha...i guess it's save save save for me. spent like an hour and a half in borders yesterday with c. it was fun, looking for great cds. with him the feeling is so different. im so glad i met him. fated or otherwise. haha..


i have been cooking porridge for my dear sister the last few days (with the exception of yesterday) because she has gotten, guess what, chicken pox. poor girl. but she is getting much much better now. how can i tell? the way she bosses me around. haha...no la. just kidding. i think im so not going to buy salmon to cook for porridge for a long time. haha...gosh. i think my mom is so sick of the fish. my sister too. but i must admit, eating salmon once in a while is nice.


blindside. i know i know. i have been mentioning them every once in a while now. but i cant help it! they are so nice. i really wonder how they write the songs. the lyrics are so beautiful.


randomness. haha...love. hmm...i wonder how much love do i possess. is it enough for the whole world? nah. if i have to love everyone my love will be stretched pretty thin. haha...i'd rather give more to some people. okay. rambling about now here. haha..

Now every little second is time
And every word seems to rhyme
I follow every word like streetlights
To make it home all right

The Bullet Never Lies, And Time Will Prove All Things

my head is still intact, i came out a much better person, finally without any further influences.
the hole in my heart fully filled with new love that is stronger and much better.
i will never regret anything i had said or done.
sometimes, bitterness is overpowering but it had never ever touched me.
the sweetness of new love is healing, and the freedom to speak has never been so glamorous.
i will rise above the shallow and remain indifferent to infantile garbage.
onward i shall go, leaving behind the incompetent.

roads

i've discovered a band. haha...actually it's c who introduced me to the band, as like so many other things. haha..


blindside, baby!


if you think you share the same music taste as me go check them out! they are good. i think they are swedish. haha...have a feeling im wrong. but they are nice. especially this song, roads.


it's april already. so soon. yesterday was like december and i just met my hon hon. haha...sounds so mushy. 18. im actually afraid of what may come. all the things unknown. will i fail? will i die? will i make a huge mistake? will i get pregnant accidentally?


but i guess that's what make life interesting. you make your own destiny. fate can only give you so much. much of your life depends on what you are doing in the present, right?


i haven't been blogging not because im busy with school or c or what. i guess you can call it writer's block? haha....as if im such a great writer. everytime i sign in, i sign out without typing anything.


i did some online test recently about depression and guess what? they actually told me to go consult a psychiatrist la! haha..so funny.


oh and the cip tuition thing is very fun! all i hope is that my kid actually learns something useful from me. haha..


at least every week i have something to look forward to. actually, i have something to look forward to every week: 1. the kid 2. meeting c 3. weekends


gosh!!!! i feel myself getting B-O-R-I-N-G!!!!! argh!!!!!!

Now every little second just flies
I hold on to them like paradise
I follow every word like streetlights
I, I want to fall in love and leave tonight