dont call me peanut

i dont like to say im stressed but i think for the first time i am. my heart cant stop feeling a slight twinge of panic at the thought of everything, if you provoke me a little i think i'll cry, i feel like there is something heavy resting atop my heart and that makes my breathing a little difficult. i feel like sighing at every breath i take.


170 days till school is REALLY over. no more exams. i REALLY cant wait for 170 days to be over. everything will be better. everyday will be brighter. after these 170 days.


i know this feeling is just temporary. but till it's over, forgive me if i sound like some whiny kid who cant get her act together. i know i will get over this feeling and stop whining. hopefully by tomorrow. haha..i realised that usually after confessing about some feelings in my entries i will not feel that way again.


i cant carry people's problems on my shoulders. im sorry but i cant. i wish there is something i can do to make people feel better when they're down but i tend to get sucked into their darkness and it's really a struggle for me to get out. i guess there are people out there who can handle all this but that person is not me. it saddens me to know that i cant do much. perhaps im not mature enough to handle this. or maybe i just need to learn how to separate these feelings. perhaps the latter is what i need.


i can do it! yatta! haha..


i guess im really an introvert. haha..because self-motivation helps.


okay. unloaded some baggage. am actually wasting time because i should be at the library now. oh well.

hello shitty

today was the gp exam. it was okay. i didnt really do much for the exam and i just wanted to see what would be the result of it. haha..if i do well then i wont have to worry so much for prelims and A level i guess. NOT!!! haha..i dont think i'll do well so yeah. just finding excuses to not study.


anyway.


i was thinking about it just now. one of those moments when you have absolutely nothing on and you're just waiting for time to pass. i was wondering when did i have my "most happiest" moments with which guy whom i dated. it's not with asscrap. which was kind of surprising actually. because i had my "most happiest" moments with c. i now know approximately what kind of guy whom i'll like to date. haha...but i dont think they'll want to date me.


before i go into that sappy mode, i just want to announce to the world (or rather to the people who do read my blog..haha..) that im hooked on intestines. haha..it's not THAT intestines okay. it's inedible. i now watch it every night. pathetic right!!! yes. go ahead and laugh (for those who know what intestines means to me). the person who dislikes slow, irritating and predictable plots is hooked on THE epitome of slow, irritating and predictable plots.


hmm...being around a guy like hoting makes me wish i am attached. sigh.


IT'S OKAY!!! haha..


i bought two pairs of shoes last saturday when i went out with gracelyn. one classic slip on from vans and a pair of wedges!!! =) retail therapy does make me feel better. even if it's just for a short while.


wish the major exam is over. everyday i go through at least once the mantra of wishing the major exam is over. i know this just makes each day past slower but saying the mantra makes me wish for it even more and hence it's a never ending cycle. sigh...


enough sighing for one day. till next time.

who the fuck killed john lennon

i dont know why but i really really like eighteen visions. haha..im sure this is just another one of my love affairs with bands. remember not too long ago i was in love with blindside and was like so into it in my entries? haha..


it's sad huh..that i will never really like anything for long. just like palmistry and numerology and astrology...maybe my next interest will be tarot cards. haha..


my love affair with music..my next affair i think will be with trance. i know not many people like it. think it's because it's often associated with clubs and bengs and lians..haha..it's not all that okay! i've always liked trance. dont get me wrong. it's not like hardcore, which i had only recently discovered thanks to c. i remembered i was like into techno and such when i was in pri 5 or 6. haha..if anyone can remember that titanic techno compilation. that was like my first ever techno/trance cd. i think it was techno. haha..my brother was influenced by me la..


anyway, below are a couple of hardcore videos. just felt like putting them on my blog. maybe for my own viewing pleasure? haha..but if you are interested in hardcore..enjoy. i guess..haha..


eighteen visions : who the fuck killed john lennon



eighteen visions: tower of snakes



eighteen visions: motionless and white



zao: the rising end



a life once lost: rehashed



comeback kid: wake the dead

all my bestfriends are metalheads

sinyi:


this is for you babe! haha..the quality is a little bad but i think it's cool though..can see them playing the trombone and such. and they can play live and sound good!! =)


hope you like it.

to be with you

i know i know! what's with all the videos right? but i really want to make my stephanie darling feel better and i hope this video would. just like the previous one. haha..


this song somehow made that period after asscrap better because being the VERY stupid and idealistic me, it gave me a little hope la.


pretend it's me okay steph??? haha! i think i look a little like him when i let down my hair anyway. hahahaha..you'll see the resemblance.

yatta!

okay. i know sinyi my darling had showed this video on her blog but i like it alot and i want to show stephanie!! =)

this is for you steph - smile =)

You'll see by Madonna

i feel very frustrated. i think i've been too easy. i just thought maybe if i gave him the space and everything and speak the truth about my feelings things can work out better. maybe he was just the wrong person for me. did he really love me? i really dont know. but i feel stupid. VERY stupid. irritated at myself.


all guys are *********. fuck.

breathe

had a nice dinner out. met up with shaun. it was okay. haha..thanks for the treat.


met up with c earlier, before shaun. he is one very confusing guy. but i hope this time things are really cleared up. otherwise i wouldn't know what to do. somebody has to have a clear head. i hope it's me. haha..or else i'll be the losing party okay..sigh..


well...weekends are ending. again.


better go enjoy the last few pathetic minutes of it. later. =)

take a bow

Take a bow, the night is over
This masquerade is getting older
Light are low, the curtains down
There's no one here
(There's no one here, there's no one in the crowd)
Say your lines but do you feel them
Do you mean what you say when there's no one around (no one around)
Watching you, watching me, one lonely star
(One lonely star you don't know who you are)


[Chorus:]

I've always been in love with you (always with you)
I guess you've always known it's true (you know it's true)
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say good-bye


Say good-bye (bye bye), say good-bye


Make them laugh, it comes so easy
When you get to the part
Where you're breaking my heart (breaking my heart)
Hide behind your smile, all the world loves a clown
(Just make 'em smile the whole world loves a clown)
Wish you well, I cannot stay
You deserve an award for the role that you played (role that you played)
No more masquerade, you're one lonely star
(One lonely star and you don't know who you are)


[chorus]


Say good-bye (bye bye), say good-bye


All the world is a stage (world is a stage)
And everyone has their part (has their part)
But how was I to know which way the story'd go
How was I to know you'd break
(You'd break, you'd break, you'd break)
You'd break my heart

I've always been in love with you
(I've always been in love with you)
Guess you've always known
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say good-bye

[chorus]

Say good-bye (bye bye), say good-bye
Say good-bye

Voodoo people

okay. so im 50% on the way to recovery, and i do NOT have dengue. haha..it was just a bacterial infection so-called.


didn't go school today either. but i feel weird. you know, like your mind is active and clear but your body isn't working right or vice versa. it's this coordination problem that is making me feel woozy. half the time im afraid i'll like fall flat on my face. haha..that'll be a funny sight. spent the last few hours watching tv and making myself lunch. quite delicious i must say. haha..after which i wanted to do my homework okay..but this coordination thing..hmm..maybe it's the effect of my medicine. stupid chit. haha..


okay. meant this to be short. so okay. good afternoon people. :)

smack my bitch up

haha! dont you think the title is hilarious? the song sounds hilarious too. it's by prodigy.


anyway, I FEEL GOOD!!! haha..MUCH MUCH better than i had been for the past few days. especially this morning. shant go into details about this morning. it wasn't pretty! haha..


thank you STEPHANEHHHH, CHARLYN, CHERLYN and SINYI. =D it's a nice feeling to know you have nice friends. LOVE YOU ALL!!!


ERJIE!! dont worry! i shall be well VERY soon!!! haha..but YOU must take care okay?? dont get so easily seduced by those beautiful ITALIAN man. sigh...okay. shall stop here so i wont get jealous. haha!


i dont know if you can feel this but im going to send a HUGE kiss online to all of you. haha..to show my LOVE. here goes:


*MUACKS* !!!

man in the box

im sick. i hope i'll be well by tonight. otherwise i'll have to go for blood test tomorrow to test for dengue. i feel i dont have dengue la..but who knows?


i have been sleeping the whole day. i think the result of that is that i feel weak. but not bad la..at least it shows that i can take care of myself. haha..


thanks girls, for being concerned. i really appreciate it. =)


sigh..shall blog next time.

to yiyun:


it's okay darling. dont feel guilty or anything. i dont blame you at all in the first place. no matter what happens i still love you ;) so dont worry about anything. the next time i see you, dont say "sorry" okay??


i love you *hug*


you are still my great love okay!! haha..


looking at some really stupid videos on youtube.com helps. i swear. haha..everything will turn out fine. =D

almost there, going somewhere

went to the choir concert yesterday. it was good!! =) mj choir (only with gracelyn in it) sounds good. haha..the whole time while i was watching the concert i was feeling so shy la!!! haha..thou shall wake up to reality this minute. *tingting*


BUT. BEFORE i went to the concert, i went KINO!!! AT LAST! haha.. with sinyi!! i know this makes me sound so geeky but i had a really good time at kino. hahaha...goodness.


i must thank charlyn for bringing this very funneh~~ (haha..) girl into my life. really glad. she has such funneh~~ tastes in guys. haha... (okay babe. pay me $100 for saying this now. haha..)


has been acting lesbian-y with steph today and yesterday. i think i freaked the ---- out of her. haha..im quite proud of the fact that im the only person who manages to freak the person who has in turn freaked MANY people. haha..sorry steph. i just had to say this: I LOVE YOU!!! haha..well, at least now you know that if that #%*@#$* breaks your heart, you can come to me for special councelling. haha..gosh. sometimes i freak myself out.


had a great time today. haha..was acting all crazy and managed to freak everyone around me. hahahaha..poor joanne, she sat beside me during math lecture and was like "im not going to seat next to you ever again" in her cute little girlish voice. i think she is seriously a tiger cub.


cherlyn! charlyn! gracelyn! (haha..all the lyns in the world unite!) stephanie! janice! joanne! kahmun my love! leti! val darlings! i love you all! being around you babe-licious darlings has brought more light into my already quite sunny life blinding me with delight. ( sounds a bit funny doesnt it..haha)


sinyi! my crazy partner in crapping! haha..see you tomorrow!


my sister just called. she sounds like she's having the time of her life. feel happy for her =) have fun babe! you still have one more month of travelling to do!!! thou shant get jealous. haha..


my mom seems to be having fun today too. today has been a G R E A T day. =))


* S M I L E *

forever

my butt hurts!!


wasted like one and a half hour of my time going to bugis kino. it was kind of a desperate attempt, one where i knew how it would end. but i had to try after all. stupid la. if they are going to open a kino bookshop can they at least put some variety into the shop instead of just dumping all the more popular books there? it's like such a waste of space la. stupid books on the da vin chi (how you spell this?) code and what shit on holy grail and all those templar guards. PLEASE. like one whole shelve on all this CRAP is just TOO MUCH. it's such a disappointment. never go there if you want to find something worth reading. go to the orchard one. no matter how desperate you are. if you dont have time, dont waste it by going to this kino. sigh.


the weekend is OVER before i even spent it. well, at least i feel this is the first weekend in my lifetime where i spent it fruitfully. haha..cool.

say anything (else)

my back aches!!! and so does my shoulder and my sides!!!


geez...i have muscles i never knew existed.


went to play squash with jan earlier on just now. i suck man! but anyway, thanks jan =)


life is sweet (not!!!)

devotion and desire

meow~~~


haha...


have been doing some homework with sinyi for the past few days. feel quite tired everyday. haha..


abit brain dead. anyway im like really broke la..sigh..midlife crisis. haha...


good night world!

christmas lights

i like looking at the blinking of the christmas lights on a christmas tree when everyone else is asleep and it is late at night. it makes me feel like im the only person in the world and it is so quiet.


did my 2.4 today. i think am 10 seconds from getting an A for it. sigh..i think i tried my best.


i have been listening to quiet music for the past few days. i guess im still discovering what type of music i really like. maybe im just like everyone else after all. i don't know. im still young. haha..


i wonder what i will be thinking next year and what will happen. it'll be interesting to see how much i will change in terms of my thinking and my maturity. and it'll be interesting to see who will still remain as my friend. my life line is quite long so i dont think i will die so soon. haha..


each day will pass and i can only get older. but will i grow with every second passed?