Slow dance on the inside

hey baby hey baby hey!!!

haha...im actually not so jolly now.

have you ever felt like you're gonna faint anytime?like you're constantly falling from a high cliff. that kinda feeling is what im getting now. think it's not enough sleep and my body is not able to adapt as quickly to my sleeping habits. but this has never given me any problems before cuz i've never felt this way before. sigh...

yesterday i think i had a nervous breakdown. i felt constantly close to tears the whole day in school. all because that ... mr wee wanted to talk to me. he is my cca teacher. he asked me why i've not been attending meetings and blah blah blah...i was so sian. i didn't want to talk to him. there's filming today for our advertisement. it's for this competition or something at the ned of this year. i feel so tired and just want to go home and sleep. but if i don't go i feel like im not living up to my words. im not as reliable as before.

during bio tutorial yesterday, i told ms foo that i threw my qn 2 tutorial away because it was too messy. she asked if i had a problem and i said yes, im a neat freak. haha...she said that my handwriting was like...so how can i be a neat freak? later in class she talked to me and she said that i shouldn't be so bothered about my writing. i don't know why but when she talked to me about this i felt like crying. pms maybe? it's been 4 days. delayed i mean. stress? can't totally blame it on that right? i didn't use to allow myself to use the stress word on myself. i think i should continue to feel that cuz i just keep falling back to that word whenever i feel tired, whatever. i think i got an F for chem again. okay make that im sure i have a F for my chem test. i didn't really study fro that test. sigh. I DON'T WANNA FAIL PROMOS!!!!!

my relationship with augustine has become strained. i seldom talk to him now and we only go out once a month. he's no longer allowed into my house because my mom dislikes him. i think this has happened largely because of me. i should have done lots of things but i didn't and am still not doing. nowadays i get quite irritated at him. like this morning. it must be because i can't seem to put a smile to my face or something. he saw me and didn't smile too. he asked me what's wrong and i said nothing. then he asked me if i wanted mentose. i said no. he insisted and broke off a bit of it. that was when i got irritated. sigh...............argh!!!!

sometimes i feel like commiting suicide, which is immensly ridiculous.

hope this can all change for the better.

blog more next time.

later.