Losing You

i had fun yesterday!! =) im glad you had too nad..anytime you need me i'll be there. i promise.


also to my girlfriends whom i've pang sei so many times this year..sorry!!

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i talked to him last night on msn. i have no idea how to make out of it. we usually didn't have so little things to talk about. maybe it's because we're not willing to open up? sigh...after i wrote that entry yesterday, i'm suddenly stumped. i don't know what to do next. talk to him? or not? he doesn't give me much encouragement either. i have no idea what he wants. does he really want to talk to me? or is he just merely entertianing me? i wish i can get on with my life....how can i change for the better like this if im always worrying about what he thinks, what he wants, how he feels...what he had been doing for each yesterday...im trying to convince myself that he does miss me and love me but it's difficult because i can't see it. i can't feel it. the only way i can see is that i completely forget about him. but do i want to? i really want him in my life. but how can i pretend that nothing has happened when i talk to him? when i know that there's still hope for the both of us to be together? i have a feeling, no, make that i long to hug him the next time i see him. which is when he returns me the tj notes. now he knows. haha...=! because he reads my blog. maybe you shouldn't return me the notes in person.


actually i knew you'd bring the notes on friday. that's why i had an anxiety attack in the morning. i was too afraid to see and talk to you in person. that's why i didn't go to the canteen during recess so i could avoid seeing you. do you see how pathetic i have been reduced to? i have a self-preservation thing called pride too. okay. i can see where this is leading to. me doing the self-pitying thing. lucky im only typing and can see what im writing so i can change what i am saying. imagine i didn't stop myself...it'll be such i bore and people reading will long to strangle me to death.


actually...what is it that i want you to say? haha...i think the only thing i want to hear from you is "i miss you so much let's get back together." yeah right!! like that will ever happen soon! i think that will probably be what IM going to say. it's raining heavily now. suits my mood. i love heavy rains. hope it doesn't stop soon.


depression. what an easy thing to get into but so difficult to get out of.


ha!! now im wanqi the philosopher. the above statment is like so DUH!.


what am i hoping to get out of blogging everyday?


to get a response? from you? or am simply just lonely and want to seek attention from the people i call my girlfriends? okay. maybe im just seeking the attention of one girlfriend.


am in a state of depression now. cancer in venus acting up.


going to stop now.


going to return to my pathetic leo state, who is pathetically trying to lick his wounds and want to stay hidden due to his immense store of pride.


where is my virgo rising and virgo in mercury when i need you? i need the cold hard bitch demeanor now. only a cold sense of logic and sound thinking can keep me sane. like yesterday. they wrote the last entry. not me. okay what am i talking about..they are all me.


alright. enough is enough.


blog again next time.


later