7 years and 50 days

1 more day to promos. i think i won't be able to sleep tomorrow. i didn't manage to sleep on my first day of O levels too...sigh...maybe it'll be a good thing because then i can rearrange my floor of worksheets.. haha...my floor is really totally covered by paper. especially the dressing area. im already feeling some sense of anxiety.


i saw the number we're being allocated and where we'll be having our exams and i saw that we are doing a lot of exams together in the hall. im really scared that he'll be seating somewhere that is in my line of vision. just seeing him can make me lose focus...imagine seeing him for 5 and a half hours. argh!!!!!! so bloody scared........!!!!!!!!!!! *sobs*


please God...please let me be able to concentrate on my exams....please.......


okay...a little too drama here...


anyway...


im scared man...sigh....what if i fail gp? sigh....i hope i will be fine tomorrow...you know...not get hit by car or food poisoned...or even get dengue fever..i heard from ming hui that the virus has mutated to such that a person who gets infected can die within 2 days. i hope i don't get it la! can you imagine what a joke that'll be???


must pray for the safety of everyone.


just a few more days and i can perm my hair...haha...can't wait!!! actually my mom say to perm it during the holidays...well...i want to go on a holiday with my family!! hmmm..... wonder whether we'll get to do that...speaking of holidays.... he's going to move soon...hmm..........sigh...................................................


what the hell la....im always like this. you know...
i heard that he likes another girl...
i...sigh..............................................................................


what the f...


always making myself remember all the bad things i've done. and always self-punishing myself...what the fuck...


this will pass....i hope...i hope....sigh.........................
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all the hot air in my chest... how to expell them i have no idea...


all my dreams filled with him...all my thoughts...this sucks...i have to STOP. i sound really pathetic right...haha...


sometimes i feel so stupid. sometimes i feel so angry. sometimes i feel like a bitch. okay...make that most of the time...but my point is....im always regreting. and there is no point regreting. right...? just like shaun...(sort of..)


gotta be strong okay shaun? don't give in to your weakness because the moment you do you'll feel like shit. you've seen how i had been when he didn't reply. don't look back anymore.


how ironic it is... haha...i talk like im the expert when i still look back.


argh!!!


i think next time i'll delete all these self-pity entries.