imagine

i...think i should just really give it up...there's no point hanging on to something that no one can prove it real right...i don't know...i feel so depressed...ha...i wish time can pass faster so i'll heal faster...im always saying things i don't mean now...im such a hypocrite...


i don't know what to do...


actually i think i do know...it's just i don't want to do it because i don't want to make the wrong decision. ha...what's the wrong decision right...


people reading my blog are not going to feel happy...haha...


so sadistic.


i just want to thank yiyun for ALWAYS being there for me...no matter what...i had always tried to be there for people who need me...but somepart of me wished they could do the same for me too...yiyun is the only one who has time and again proved to be my saviour...haha...i love you yiyun...


yesterday i kind of humiliated myself. i was at the airport and yiyun met up with me and then we went to bk to eat...then i told her everything...but while doing that i was crying and eating and crying snd eating. after i felt MUCH better, i turned my head, and i SAW SOMEONE FROM MY SCHOOL LOOKING AT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


okay. i know it's not such a big a deal...but pride is an issue with me...i know this guy and I KNOW this guy knew me too...i mean we recognise each other but we don't know each other. anyway, i think he was with another girl. haha...he's always with another girl. oh my gosh la!!! HE WITNESSED THE WHOLE DAMN THING LA!!!! *sobs* i feel so humiliated...


okay...haha...


today steph and i accompanied hoting to do something he didn't dare to do himself. haha...to shave his legs...HAHA!!!!


no la...of course not. anyway. this is my first time going out with a guy in a long time and i was feeling so depressed...sigh...sian...i couldn't even enjoy myself...i just felt so tired...and i felt like i was doing something wrong. sigh...man...this sucks...while he is happily enjoying going out with girls im still here feeling guilty about doing something like going out with guys. while he's happily living his life im still stuck here feeling depressed. while he can read my life's story i can't even find out what's up with him (that is if he even reads my blog now). while he goes out with all the new girls he's meeting im still stuck here not willing to move because i don't know....im saving myself for him? im so stupid right...ha...he's never going to appreciate this fact...i don't think he even cares or believe anymore. i bought something today while i was at orchard. i don't know why i bought it. but i just knew i had to buy it. it's not for myself.


sigh...i think i'll change that song soon..it's making me feel damn sad.


i should be feeling happy. i should be enjoying myself.


i wish i knew exactly what to do and what to believe...