don't forget me

i've been dreaming alot lately.my mom says it's cuz i've been working my brain harder than usual. to that i have no idea and it actually sounds quite weird. haha...i mean...the work i do...doesn't require much...brain work.


a few hours before i awoke today, i dreamt that i was pregnant at my current age and i gave birth. who's the father???? haha...that would be a secret between me and God. anyway...it was a very weird birth (since when are dreams going to be normal anyway???) in which i thought was very normal. -_-" it figures...okay...haha...the father of my child and i seemed to have had a quarrel and throughout the birth process he wasn't there and was busy running around. okay. so there was one moment in the dream where he stayed quite close by observing but never was he there beside me to share the birthing process with me. the only touch i had of him was his hand and that was only a fleeting moment. the birth process itself was...strange now that i think about it.


it started with me i dno...oh man...im abit embarassed to speak about it. partially because i don't know how to describe it in detail and also because i forgot how some parts link to each other. okay. the ones i can safely say is that my doctor left me and went home in between my birth. she went home at 8.15pm when i looked her up around 9? the birth process was a very segmented process whereby there had to be some preparations done before i lie in bed squeezing it out. even then, i didn't lie in a bed. i laid on the floor on a blue mat in a room which had windows. it was kind of like in a container and people can watch if they wanted to. it was bizarre. this dream was...weird bizzare...strange...and nowadays all my dreams contain one main person besides me. i know when im thinking TOO much. now is the time. and these last few days when i have to work were the ULTIMATE days. TOO MUCH. makes me kinda apprehensive to go school.


imagine...every single day...to see what i don't want to. i wish there were a special kind of glasses which eliminates people you don't want to see from your vision. put it on and tada! they are gone. like they never even existed. take them away and ugh...there they are again. i know it sounds far fetched but the only thing one can do in her free time is to dream isn't it? i guess that's what people mean when they say "lost in their own world".


in my ever monotonous job, i was thinking (about lots of things apparantly) and one of the things i thought of was that...i do have a boyfriend. and his name is called MJ. we became an item at the very end of last year when we pledged to be together.


i tried to two-time him soon after however, and we tried to keep him in the dark. i mean...MJ and i spent ALL our time together. frankly, it was getting boring. but this new guy i was with...he was everything MJ wasn't. he was...funny, sweet, handsome, and...interesting. it was fun to be with this new guy and i wanted to spend all my time with him instead of spending them with MJ. but soon after...okay la...a few months after i was two-timing him, he found out. he said i was getting aloof and uninterested in the things he was saying. he said i was always finding excuses to not go out with him and always running off to somewhere at the very first opportunity.


i didn't want to break off my relationship with this new guy so i lied to MJ saying i wasn't with him anymore. but pressure started building everytime this new guy tried to convince me to break up with MJ. why didn't i want to break up with MJ? on the hand, MJ pressured me to spend more time with him and being more committed. i have to commit to something at every turn i made.


this pressure made me become something i've never dreamt of becoming. a monster. a bitch. an evil villian. by the time i realised i was all that it was too late. i lost my new guy. the very love of my life. but now that im ALWAYS thinking about it, it's good that i became such a bitch. it'll make him less vulnerable to bitches like me and find better, sweeter girls to give his love to. it's good for me too...i'll learn that i CAN be such an ass and there will always be an underlying bitch itching to get out.


now MJ and i are having a break. we'll get back together on the first monday of 2006 and spend ALL our freaking time together *shudders* imagine that. i cant wait to breakup with him at the end of next year. i think he cant wait too.


okay. so am i wu liao or what??? haha...


oh man...im such a wu liao person. perhaps it's because im really bored. bing feng is on a holiday in JAPAN and coming back next wednesday. okay...all i have to do is to...wait. for the next december to arrive. maybe then i will backpack to australia. or japan. or taiwan. or korea. or.. okay...the list goes on and on and on and on..


oh another thing is that i want to plan my future. for the next 10 years. and i want my 10 years to start from next year on.


wish my luck =D