wait and bleed

slipknot is actually quite nice. especially the song called "duality". but my eardrums threatened to burst when my brother turned the volume to the loudest. haha..


okay. i realised my christmas tree don't look nice in this picture. im not a good photographer. haha! but im just so glad i finally did what i said i'd do weeks ago. like clean the house and put up the christmas tree.


went out with my brother yesterday and met up with frieda and mae halfway. i like hanging out with them. we stayed out really late (note: my first time hanging out at orchard so late in the night. okay. im a mountain turtle. =)).


sometimes i feel so torn between hanging out with my mom and having fun with my brother and his friends. with them i can have all the fun i want, do anything i like and they will still treat me like im me. plus my brother takes care of me =D. not the other way round.


my heart feels heavy.


sigh.


i don't want to disappoint my parents. it's especially hurting to hear them say "you disappointed me" when i...i dno...i feel that i've been such a good girl. sometimes i just want to rebel. i badly want to just hang out all day long outside and not care what my mom thinks. put down all responsibilities and have fun. do whatever i want. but i know i can't. i had already ignored her for more than 7 months this year. hmm...i think i can name the most important things to me : 1) my mom. 2) my family. 3) my studies.


so if i have a boyfriend, he'll be piority number 4. i tried putting him number 1. but i just can't. i just...can't. so shit. im still so freaking young. argh!!!!


better young than old huh. life is too short. i should have all the fun i want when i still can before i graduate right. otherwise when i get a job, i can't hang out at orchard at night anymore. or perhaps it should be, i can't do whatever i can and want anymore.


sigh.