pink

during gp period today, we watched a documentary from the national geographic (gosh, i love that channel!) about women suicide bombers, examining the reasons about what drives them to such measures.


throughout the period i experienced a rollar-coaster of emotions and i almost burst out crying for them. it was really sad to see and feel (through the eyes of the lisa ling, the beautiful and brave NGC journalist) what some of the palastinian and russian women were and are going through. it was relatively surprising to know that it is not religion but social injustice and war that drove them to becoming a suicide bomber.


if there ever comes a time when singapore comes into conflict with another country and deaths occur almost everyday, i imagine i too will become a suicide bomber if i was really really desperate. in this context i mean seeing my friends die innocently, my family members die one by one...i can imagine that i will feel so angry and helpless that i would resort to this just to make a statement.


after watching the video, i sort of understand more about the anguish and the desperation of people living in war torn countries, though i know i will never fully understand the extent of their emotions because how can i if im watching the video comfortably in an air-conditioned classroom? but i don't know what to do with this knowledge that i have acquired today. do i just store it away neatly into a compartment in my brain or do i appreciate the Singaporean life more? im feeling a little troubled by this because i feel that by going about my usual business in life is just too cruel.


it was really shocking as an outsider to know that martyrdom is celebrated and being one is equal to being a celebrity in Palastine. even mothers push and encourage their children to be martyrs. on average 18 Palastinians die every week.


this knowledge is all very depressing and quite heavy. what can i do? perhaps this feeling is just temporary. but don't you think it's alarming how quickly we can forget that people elsewhere are suffering and put it away from our minds like it has never happened before? okay. i sound very dramatic.


how is it possible that i was born into such a good family and a good country while there are millions of others who have to experience such hardship? it is simply not fair. it feels so extreme. that a girl my age is probably preparing to bomb herself up right now at this moment to kill others. so extreme..


sigh..i..just need to let this out of my chest. i know it will be a never-ending story if i carry on like this. so i'll stop now.