take me away

sunday. hmm...this is the first day of the week and coincidently the first day of the month as well.


in another 33 days it would be what i've been building my pathetic life around. will i throw away everything by allowing myself to be distracted? i would like to think that im capable at managing my time. but the last 5 years and a half have shown me that im not even close. my head line showed me that it'll take me more effort than everyone else to focus. the last 2 days brought me lots of happiness..but is this just temporary like what i've been experiencing all along? this is a bad time to even contemplate this. it feels real. and it gave me hope. but im afraid to trust and afraid to give. hurt is an emotion i dont want to feel. i dont want to feel vulnerable to hurt. control is something i dont want to lose. but i am vulnerable. and im afraid. i am gullible and i still dont know how to differentiate between lies and truth. my sister once told me that i had to have a heart made of steel. that way i wont get hurt easily. im trying. i have the choice to stop. i know that. but...i dont want it to stop. because..i really do like him alot. there has to be a reason why we would meet at this moment. yes, i think a lot. i know. maybe there is no apparent reason at all. people lie to themselves all the time because they want to believe things are going the way they want it to. i like being with him. i like talking to him. i like the fact that we think along the same lines. i like that we share similar thoughts about lots of things. i like being around him. i like that he respects my decisions. i like that i can be more of myself than i could with c and asscrap. i like that he gives me space when i requests for it. i like that he does not push me to be with him and he's giving me time to let go of my fear. i really like him.


tomorrow is another day of school. :)


i'd be lying if i said im excited about it.