times like these

the more i look at university admissions the more scared i get and the more im sure i'll be going poly.


im being very realistic here.


i dont have a good feeling about my results. dont say "who doesn't?" because there are some of you out there who are feeling fairly confident but put up an act just to show that you are like all the "others" who are "normal".


no, im not looking for comforting comments.


im merely stating the truth. and though i hope i will be proven wrong (which i highly doubt), im preparing myself for poly.


anyway, what's so bad about that? what's all these bullshit about "wasting time" and "should have gone poly in the first place"


okay. so im just trying to make myself feel better. but now that im looking at university and im feeling like i can't be able to make it into that boat that carries the elite of our country. i have to keep reminding myself that that boat is not the only boat around and there are other options available.


everyone in university is smart. most of everyone gets at least one A and two Bs. seriously, i highly doubt that i will make a miracle. i mean come on, from EEO to AAB? yes: if i studied hard enough. but the truth is: i didn't. i tried. but i didn't.


there. i've said it.


but even if i'd gone back in time, there is no way i'd have found a way to love economics and master the essays essential for passing the subjects.


i admit, there were lots of opportunities for me to take to improve on the subject the whole of last year. but i didn't want to. maths and chem, it's a different story altogether.


but what the hell. i shouldnt be saying all these now.


poly is not a bad option. im still young. i have nothing to lose really. stepping onto this path i've carved has given me a new perception to the world.


but whatever the outcome is, i swear, im not going to retake 'A' levels. fuck that exam. im so over it.