Slowly fading fast

i just woke up. ha...


i just woke up feeling extremely frustrated to the point where i have to tell someone what im feeling. what's better than something that doesn't say much right???


sigh...


i woke up asking myself WHAT i want to do with my life. i just realised that i don't like to think. i'd very much rather work as a nurse or at SPCA you know? i mean why do i take bio/chem when i have not much interest in them? i was just kidding myself. i mean these subjects will most probably be something im going to take in university you know. if i really don't want to do them anymore in university then im just wasting everybody's time and most importantly, money. i mean it'll come from one person, that'll be my father. he worked so hard with only one motive, that is, to see all his children attain their full education because where in this world can you survive without any education??? i think he wants a break from all those stressful things that comes with his job. i bet he misses us all too. but because there's 4 of us, he has to work hard and his only motivation is that we're working hard too. cool...now i understand.


i don't want to make any mistakes in my life at this moment because this is my father's hard earned money im playing with. one part of me feels this way but the other is telling not to give up. it's saying im just not facing up to my fears and am giving up without a fight. which is the right voice? which should i listen to??? argh!!!!


I DON'T WANT TO LEARN SOME STUPID THEORY ABOUT THE VAN DER WAALS OR SOME STUPID SHIT!!!! I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT PERFECT COMPETITION OR WHAT MRP THEORY OF WAGE DISCRIMINATION IS!!! WHATEVER!!!! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH THEM ANYWAY!!!! SO MANY F**KING THOERIES!!! WHAT THE F**K LA!!!!!WHY CAN'T LIFE BE STRAIGHT FORWARD??? STUPID COUNTRY WITH ALL IT'S STUPID STRESSES!!! *ROAR*


i don't feel much better man...feel like roaring more. haha...my lion is acting up.


i wonder what is at the nursing course. haha...going to find out about it now.


man...very obvious im running from my problems. argh!!! im sick with this double thinking at the SAME time!!!!


okay. cool, calm, collected. breathe.......


ahhhh....


i don't feel better. sigh.


okay. don't waste time.


blog more next time??


later