Freedom

4 more days to complete freedom.

when you're sad and confused you tend to find all sorts of reasons to convince yourself and ease the pain.


hence when you find a reasonable one, you stick to it and call it your reason.


times like this, this reason is called an assumption.


which another can easily dispute.


today would be our 8th month. this number is my curse.


but...there is no room for regrets. only a door that leads to the future.


i did love my last boyfriend very much. i admit. i didn't know how to love him enough, didn't know how to treat him like a good girlfriend should.


but like i said..there is no room for regrets. and no door to turn back.


i can only walk forward..and not do those stupid things i did again.


this will be my letter of apology..and explanation. to him and myself.


i really wish you all the happiness you can find. and i hope your life will turn out the way you want it to be.


take care.. and be happy.

Goodbye Tonight

in a short span of 2 and a half years,


i met 3 three guys,


imagined myself in love with 2,


fell in love with one.


all completely different.


but all fundamentally the same.


they didn't love or like me.


they loved themselves.


i didnt regret my time with them. they're not mistakes. merely lesson learned. why did i fall for them? i am very soft. and very easy to get. just sweet talk me. that's all it took.


but things are going to change.


im going to change.


here is to a future with someone who loves ME. like i will love him.


for the better or worse.

Autumn leaves

i had a post earlier. before my sister left for shanghai. my stupid and selfish brother installed 2 stupid games into this very new and fast com and now it has slowed down. stupid shit. i can't even bring back that post or save it before so i can post it now or something. f**ing hell.


had put in lots of pictures.


sigh..


as you can tell, im not in the mood to blog happy things and happy thoughts.


i wish i can see into the future.


and see how is it that im going to live my life.


at least if i am not going to be happy,


i can change it now.


or something.

If you want to be happy for the rest of your life

Go ZARA!!!


QUICK!!!


haha..the bright coloured clothings i bought from ZARA, they are HERE!!!!!!!!!


WAH HA HA!!!


here are some pictures - i was SO happy.


:)







okay la. forgive the black skirt. was working before that and i was meeting up with J-Nice. :)


i bought the white top. and compared to MNG or Topshop, in terms of pricing, design, fabric and of course, colour, this new ZARA collection can put them out of business for this summer.
*grins happily*


let's hope the shoes will follow suit. anytime now.


SO exciting!!


:D

Warning: Complaining session full steam ahead. Continue at the risk of your health.

hi everyone.


after having seen the very much greener pastures in France (im talking about shopping here), i am proud to announce that i have given up on the fashion scene in Singapore.


i have (since i got back) observed the clothes people wear on a everyday basis, from the common clothing colour to the fabric of the clothes to the design of the clothes and i have the reason why people who leave our country never come back. ever.


Reason #1: COLOUR.


Boring, boring, boring. Colours that are commonly seen: black. white. brown.


colours that are considered "exotic": dull red. dull yellow. dull silver. dull green. dull pink. oh. almost forgot. dull blue.


colours that are considered "exceptional" and "special": dark shimmering red. dark shimmering blue. dark shimmering green.


HELLO!!! have you EVER seen a piece of clothing here with a BRIGHT, SUMMER colour that made you go WOW!??? well i have never. that's for sure.


Reason #2: FABRIC.


I have noticed that the fabric of a piece of clothing makes or breaks the colour and the vibrancy of the clothing.


Example: You walk into a shop. You senses are assulted by DULL colours. it's screaming at you, telling you to look boring. Out of the corner of your eyes, you see something different. Something of a different colour. Finally!! You walk towards it, pick it up, and.. oh. The material is lycra. It absorbs light and does not reflect the nice bright summer colour of the clothing, hence making it just as boring as ALL the other clothings.


You see how am i feeling now? im starting to feel DESPERATION.


what about a different scenario.


Example: You walk past several shops. then you stop. because right beside you is a brightly lit shop full of nice bright colours that lift your mood up instantly. you can't stop smiling. You walk into the shop FEELING the DIFFERENCE. You see a nice bright yellow (the same colour as the yellow crayon you used to colour the sun when you were a kid) tube minidoll dress that is simple yet FUN. Plus the material is not THIN. it is sort of furry. yet when you try it on, it does not stick to your body like most thin fabric does. it actually gives the minidoll dress a nice shape. You look at the price and it is about $34.90. You think to yourself,"that's rather reasonable. im always paying $24.90 for a piece of lycra that is so dull anyway. i'd very much rather have this colour than black any day." So you happily pay for this piece and walk out of the shop feeling like it made your day.


Does that sound familiar? no. im sure it does not. at all. why? because you can't find this example in our nice SUNNY country where everyone aspires to be dull AND boring. even our very own so-called designers.


Reason #3: DESIGN.


in my very humble opinion, the clothes sold in our country gives us only 2 different images to choose from: Boring or Slutty.


where are all the Classy or Sophisticated or Fun images???


sigh. im getting myself very worked up because I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. im so SICK of the clothings people are wearing. reminds myself that i was one of them. *screams in frustration*


even the SHOES!!! *pukes blood*


WHERE are the wedges??? why are there so few PATHETIC choices??? and WHAT'S UP WITH FLAT SHOES??? *pukes my throat out*


and the govt wants foreign people to come and SHOP HERE. *laughs hysterically*


even the designer clothings here are BORING.


and the shoes and accessories are equally bad!!!


sigh.


i am going to plan for another trip to a country in europe, probably spain, just for shopping so i can stock up enough to survive at least a year. or two.


lucky i bought quite a few nice pieces of clothing, shoes and accessories from paris. enough for me to ride the rough tide out.


if i had a choice between staying here and feel depressed because everyone is or leaving to a place that is equally stressful but you feel rewarded by the sight of a nice variety of clothes, shoes and accessories, i would leave the former and embrace the latter.


i refuse to accept that this is the type of fashion that is going on now in the world because i've been to paris, aka the fashion city of the world, and i can tell you now that it is not THIS at all.


okay. enough of complaining. i'll open a shop one day and i'll make it big. trust me.

Reason Why

more pictures! :)


there was this candy shop my sister and i happened to pass by at chatelet, the sort of hang out for young kids like you and i, and we saw jaw dropping candies displayed. wonder if they are edible? haha..

the market. see any veg you recognise?

they even have bread la!


and doggies!!



...and a potted plant. i would really like to know what that would taste like but i was out of cash. sad huh..



wah ha ha!

coooll right.....they even have a full birthday cake and some mini tricycle or something like that. all made of candies. if you're wondering how i could resist from eating the whole shop down...well..i have supernatural powers. haha..

the very very very nice french coffee..with lots of cognac at the last layer. yes you're currently looking at it now.

heaven.


and my sister eating a bite of heaven.

me, wanting to see if im drunk. i think i wasn't la..haha..


below would be the day im leaving paris. went to a church before that.

in the RER.


okay, i didn't take any pictures of my sister and i when i left.

paradise.


dubai airport. if i told you that the time currently in the picture is 715am would you believe me? don't you wish our airport was like this too?

the wonderful food. zoom in to see what i had for desert. *swoon*

the wonderful 4 seats i had ALL to myself. (of course you'll only see 3 la. i was seating on one of it.)


i really had a good time in paris. and..i really really really love travelling. especially with someone i love.


more pictures will be uploaded when my sister is back. :)


------------------------------------------------------------
im currently searching for my true feelings and thoughts. trying to find the reason behind all my heartaches and confusion.


im trying to think for myself and yet draw the line of being selfish. once again, it is about perception and how you view the extent of being selfish.


im trying to sort out my feelings. with a lot of difficulty. they're all currently jangled up in one big mess like how your earphone wire likes to do.


IM ONLY 19 FOR GOODNESS' SAKE!! who thinks about these stuff now!!??


have actually taken a day off today to just chill and relax and see how true his theory is about me working is directly proportional to the emo shits im giving. for a moment when i woke up not really caring a shit about anything that's happening now, i believed his theory. but now..it's a different story.


im currently stuck in one mindset.


and im trying not to be sick of myself.


how to make things better? for the both of us?


im scared, nervous, anxious, angry, hurt, confused...and lonely.


what do i want right now?


it is to be happy.


now. how can i achieve that?

sunday bloody sunday

well..here we are again.


have been feeling rotten the whole day. having heart problems.


please dont take that statement literally. im not sick sick.



this movie poster had me rolling in the floor in laughter. haha..seriously..from looking at this poster can you guess what the movie is about?? haha...a bunch of people who are hiking UP the french alps and they are very very tired. so they have called the movie "pur week-end"


*rolls around the floor in laughter*


it's okay if you don't get it. haha...




this is the pompidou. the above 3 pictures that is. it's a famous museum where comtempory arts are housed and appreciated by people who have their art senses kicked into overdrive *laughs hyterically*


haha..okay. that was a private joke.


and yes. that is moi below in my newly bought cheap pair of sunglasses which i lurve.....heh..


haha..couldn't smile widely even if i wanted to. didn't want to spoil my image. haha..

sister and i at the luxemburg palace. this place was built for ONE lady who was not even the queen or anyone important. just the king's consort. those rich bastards..



okay la..at least we can go in there now for free. haha..


now..the Eiffel Tower.


:)

beautiful sister and i went up the tower at around 9pm paris time when it was still bright and early and stayed till it became completely dark at around 10 plus.

paris at 930pm.

paris at 1030pm.

funny how they got every other country's spelling right except ours. but yes, it does pour in singapore.

real or fake you decide. :D


of course it's real!!!!!!! i took it! heh...



goofing around..heh..

the original
the fake
one of the many pictures we took because im a perfectionist. haha..


my sister is coming back! yay! :)


another..16 days more. hang in there girl..


will post more another day :)

take my picture

well..i have a new set of computer. all bought and fully installed today. my mom even bought a memory card reader. hence i can upload my pictures now :)


these pictures i have with me are those on the last leg of my trip - the last 6 days to be exact. heh..


























hmm..think that will be all for today..there are more of course..but if i upload everything today then not exciting already right..heh..

---------------------------------------------------

anyway..on a different level of emotions..im getting really tired. and i think he is too..we can't hold a proper conversation without it ending in a disagreement. maybe disagreement is too light of a word. it should be more of arguments.


i am tired...


of crying..


of feeling angry..


of trying to change my bad ways but find that im probably the only one trying..


of feeling unaccepted..


of arguing over stupid and mindless things that just make me feel damn bloody angry..


...


hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. just wish i can lift myself out of this vicious cycle..i want to go to school and fill up my days with activities such that i won't have time to even think of the stupid things he does that pisses me off. i'll be busy, he'll be busy, we won't have time to meet up and stuff..good! we spend less time arguing and more time cherishing the time we have. i really hope so.


i really hope so..


otherwise i don't know how much longer i can last..


is this how it is supposed to be?


can someone answer me?