hello shitty

today was the gp exam. it was okay. i didnt really do much for the exam and i just wanted to see what would be the result of it. haha..if i do well then i wont have to worry so much for prelims and A level i guess. NOT!!! haha..i dont think i'll do well so yeah. just finding excuses to not study.


anyway.


i was thinking about it just now. one of those moments when you have absolutely nothing on and you're just waiting for time to pass. i was wondering when did i have my "most happiest" moments with which guy whom i dated. it's not with asscrap. which was kind of surprising actually. because i had my "most happiest" moments with c. i now know approximately what kind of guy whom i'll like to date. haha...but i dont think they'll want to date me.


before i go into that sappy mode, i just want to announce to the world (or rather to the people who do read my blog..haha..) that im hooked on intestines. haha..it's not THAT intestines okay. it's inedible. i now watch it every night. pathetic right!!! yes. go ahead and laugh (for those who know what intestines means to me). the person who dislikes slow, irritating and predictable plots is hooked on THE epitome of slow, irritating and predictable plots.


hmm...being around a guy like hoting makes me wish i am attached. sigh.


IT'S OKAY!!! haha..


i bought two pairs of shoes last saturday when i went out with gracelyn. one classic slip on from vans and a pair of wedges!!! =) retail therapy does make me feel better. even if it's just for a short while.


wish the major exam is over. everyday i go through at least once the mantra of wishing the major exam is over. i know this just makes each day past slower but saying the mantra makes me wish for it even more and hence it's a never ending cycle. sigh...


enough sighing for one day. till next time.

who the fuck killed john lennon

i dont know why but i really really like eighteen visions. haha..im sure this is just another one of my love affairs with bands. remember not too long ago i was in love with blindside and was like so into it in my entries? haha..


it's sad huh..that i will never really like anything for long. just like palmistry and numerology and astrology...maybe my next interest will be tarot cards. haha..


my love affair with music..my next affair i think will be with trance. i know not many people like it. think it's because it's often associated with clubs and bengs and lians..haha..it's not all that okay! i've always liked trance. dont get me wrong. it's not like hardcore, which i had only recently discovered thanks to c. i remembered i was like into techno and such when i was in pri 5 or 6. haha..if anyone can remember that titanic techno compilation. that was like my first ever techno/trance cd. i think it was techno. haha..my brother was influenced by me la..


anyway, below are a couple of hardcore videos. just felt like putting them on my blog. maybe for my own viewing pleasure? haha..but if you are interested in hardcore..enjoy. i guess..haha..


eighteen visions : who the fuck killed john lennon



eighteen visions: tower of snakes



eighteen visions: motionless and white



zao: the rising end



a life once lost: rehashed



comeback kid: wake the dead

all my bestfriends are metalheads

sinyi:


this is for you babe! haha..the quality is a little bad but i think it's cool though..can see them playing the trombone and such. and they can play live and sound good!! =)


hope you like it.

to be with you

i know i know! what's with all the videos right? but i really want to make my stephanie darling feel better and i hope this video would. just like the previous one. haha..


this song somehow made that period after asscrap better because being the VERY stupid and idealistic me, it gave me a little hope la.


pretend it's me okay steph??? haha! i think i look a little like him when i let down my hair anyway. hahahaha..you'll see the resemblance.

yatta!

okay. i know sinyi my darling had showed this video on her blog but i like it alot and i want to show stephanie!! =)

this is for you steph - smile =)

You'll see by Madonna

i feel very frustrated. i think i've been too easy. i just thought maybe if i gave him the space and everything and speak the truth about my feelings things can work out better. maybe he was just the wrong person for me. did he really love me? i really dont know. but i feel stupid. VERY stupid. irritated at myself.


all guys are *********. fuck.

breathe

had a nice dinner out. met up with shaun. it was okay. haha..thanks for the treat.


met up with c earlier, before shaun. he is one very confusing guy. but i hope this time things are really cleared up. otherwise i wouldn't know what to do. somebody has to have a clear head. i hope it's me. haha..or else i'll be the losing party okay..sigh..


well...weekends are ending. again.


better go enjoy the last few pathetic minutes of it. later. =)

take a bow

Take a bow, the night is over
This masquerade is getting older
Light are low, the curtains down
There's no one here
(There's no one here, there's no one in the crowd)
Say your lines but do you feel them
Do you mean what you say when there's no one around (no one around)
Watching you, watching me, one lonely star
(One lonely star you don't know who you are)


[Chorus:]

I've always been in love with you (always with you)
I guess you've always known it's true (you know it's true)
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say good-bye


Say good-bye (bye bye), say good-bye


Make them laugh, it comes so easy
When you get to the part
Where you're breaking my heart (breaking my heart)
Hide behind your smile, all the world loves a clown
(Just make 'em smile the whole world loves a clown)
Wish you well, I cannot stay
You deserve an award for the role that you played (role that you played)
No more masquerade, you're one lonely star
(One lonely star and you don't know who you are)


[chorus]


Say good-bye (bye bye), say good-bye


All the world is a stage (world is a stage)
And everyone has their part (has their part)
But how was I to know which way the story'd go
How was I to know you'd break
(You'd break, you'd break, you'd break)
You'd break my heart

I've always been in love with you
(I've always been in love with you)
Guess you've always known
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say good-bye

[chorus]

Say good-bye (bye bye), say good-bye
Say good-bye

Voodoo people

okay. so im 50% on the way to recovery, and i do NOT have dengue. haha..it was just a bacterial infection so-called.


didn't go school today either. but i feel weird. you know, like your mind is active and clear but your body isn't working right or vice versa. it's this coordination problem that is making me feel woozy. half the time im afraid i'll like fall flat on my face. haha..that'll be a funny sight. spent the last few hours watching tv and making myself lunch. quite delicious i must say. haha..after which i wanted to do my homework okay..but this coordination thing..hmm..maybe it's the effect of my medicine. stupid chit. haha..


okay. meant this to be short. so okay. good afternoon people. :)

smack my bitch up

haha! dont you think the title is hilarious? the song sounds hilarious too. it's by prodigy.


anyway, I FEEL GOOD!!! haha..MUCH MUCH better than i had been for the past few days. especially this morning. shant go into details about this morning. it wasn't pretty! haha..


thank you STEPHANEHHHH, CHARLYN, CHERLYN and SINYI. =D it's a nice feeling to know you have nice friends. LOVE YOU ALL!!!


ERJIE!! dont worry! i shall be well VERY soon!!! haha..but YOU must take care okay?? dont get so easily seduced by those beautiful ITALIAN man. sigh...okay. shall stop here so i wont get jealous. haha!


i dont know if you can feel this but im going to send a HUGE kiss online to all of you. haha..to show my LOVE. here goes:


*MUACKS* !!!

man in the box

im sick. i hope i'll be well by tonight. otherwise i'll have to go for blood test tomorrow to test for dengue. i feel i dont have dengue la..but who knows?


i have been sleeping the whole day. i think the result of that is that i feel weak. but not bad la..at least it shows that i can take care of myself. haha..


thanks girls, for being concerned. i really appreciate it. =)


sigh..shall blog next time.

to yiyun:


it's okay darling. dont feel guilty or anything. i dont blame you at all in the first place. no matter what happens i still love you ;) so dont worry about anything. the next time i see you, dont say "sorry" okay??


i love you *hug*


you are still my great love okay!! haha..


looking at some really stupid videos on youtube.com helps. i swear. haha..everything will turn out fine. =D

almost there, going somewhere

went to the choir concert yesterday. it was good!! =) mj choir (only with gracelyn in it) sounds good. haha..the whole time while i was watching the concert i was feeling so shy la!!! haha..thou shall wake up to reality this minute. *tingting*


BUT. BEFORE i went to the concert, i went KINO!!! AT LAST! haha.. with sinyi!! i know this makes me sound so geeky but i had a really good time at kino. hahaha...goodness.


i must thank charlyn for bringing this very funneh~~ (haha..) girl into my life. really glad. she has such funneh~~ tastes in guys. haha... (okay babe. pay me $100 for saying this now. haha..)


has been acting lesbian-y with steph today and yesterday. i think i freaked the ---- out of her. haha..im quite proud of the fact that im the only person who manages to freak the person who has in turn freaked MANY people. haha..sorry steph. i just had to say this: I LOVE YOU!!! haha..well, at least now you know that if that #%*@#$* breaks your heart, you can come to me for special councelling. haha..gosh. sometimes i freak myself out.


had a great time today. haha..was acting all crazy and managed to freak everyone around me. hahahaha..poor joanne, she sat beside me during math lecture and was like "im not going to seat next to you ever again" in her cute little girlish voice. i think she is seriously a tiger cub.


cherlyn! charlyn! gracelyn! (haha..all the lyns in the world unite!) stephanie! janice! joanne! kahmun my love! leti! val darlings! i love you all! being around you babe-licious darlings has brought more light into my already quite sunny life blinding me with delight. ( sounds a bit funny doesnt it..haha)


sinyi! my crazy partner in crapping! haha..see you tomorrow!


my sister just called. she sounds like she's having the time of her life. feel happy for her =) have fun babe! you still have one more month of travelling to do!!! thou shant get jealous. haha..


my mom seems to be having fun today too. today has been a G R E A T day. =))


* S M I L E *

forever

my butt hurts!!


wasted like one and a half hour of my time going to bugis kino. it was kind of a desperate attempt, one where i knew how it would end. but i had to try after all. stupid la. if they are going to open a kino bookshop can they at least put some variety into the shop instead of just dumping all the more popular books there? it's like such a waste of space la. stupid books on the da vin chi (how you spell this?) code and what shit on holy grail and all those templar guards. PLEASE. like one whole shelve on all this CRAP is just TOO MUCH. it's such a disappointment. never go there if you want to find something worth reading. go to the orchard one. no matter how desperate you are. if you dont have time, dont waste it by going to this kino. sigh.


the weekend is OVER before i even spent it. well, at least i feel this is the first weekend in my lifetime where i spent it fruitfully. haha..cool.

say anything (else)

my back aches!!! and so does my shoulder and my sides!!!


geez...i have muscles i never knew existed.


went to play squash with jan earlier on just now. i suck man! but anyway, thanks jan =)


life is sweet (not!!!)

devotion and desire

meow~~~


haha...


have been doing some homework with sinyi for the past few days. feel quite tired everyday. haha..


abit brain dead. anyway im like really broke la..sigh..midlife crisis. haha...


good night world!

christmas lights

i like looking at the blinking of the christmas lights on a christmas tree when everyone else is asleep and it is late at night. it makes me feel like im the only person in the world and it is so quiet.


did my 2.4 today. i think am 10 seconds from getting an A for it. sigh..i think i tried my best.


i have been listening to quiet music for the past few days. i guess im still discovering what type of music i really like. maybe im just like everyone else after all. i don't know. im still young. haha..


i wonder what i will be thinking next year and what will happen. it'll be interesting to see how much i will change in terms of my thinking and my maturity. and it'll be interesting to see who will still remain as my friend. my life line is quite long so i dont think i will die so soon. haha..


each day will pass and i can only get older. but will i grow with every second passed?

poison in my veins

ha! im having slight fever at last! after months of thinking i have an infallible, powerful immune system that will eat ALL those stupid bacteria and virus im FINALLY proven wrong! haha..


yes, i AM sick. haha...


thanks to hoting, i've been watching bleach via youtube.com and sad to say, i rrreally like it. haha..


i like being at home. just wanted to say that. haha..


oh! if any of you think you like hardcore/punk/emo/metal/metalcore/emocore etc (there are lots of genres of course. not just these few) and have ALOT of time, go purevolume.com. you can browse on lots of bands there and also listen to some of their songs. it's pretty time-consuming of course. but if you love music and want to know what is beyond whats playing on the radio, this is quite a good place to go. you can even download the songs from some bands for free. :)


:) i feel happy. yay.

life on standby

yes, here i am again.


i think im very blessed to have a family who cares about me. my brother actually worries about me. from what i hear about most brothers my girlfriends have, they sound like they dont really show their concerns or feelings of affection towards their sisters. maybe one can say my brother was brought up well to care for his sisters.


God has given me the chance to be born into a family like mine and i will be forever thankful and grateful towards Him.

inspiration on demand

im SO sleepy..


but im glad i went to the soccer match though i think i almost lost my voice shouting and cheering like mad. haha..


we WON!!! 3-2, versus tpjc (hahahahahaha....). oops. haha..


at their home ground somemore.


tomorrow will be another short day and then it'll be a LONG weekend with labour day on monday! yay.. :D


okay. i know im like blogging contantly now. i guess my desire to tell SOMEONE (even if i dont know you and i have never met you) about what is happening in my life is just so strong. give me another few days or so and i won't be blogging so much. trust me. haha..im always like that. a few days to adapt okay? :)


oh yeah! nad, i just want to say THANK YOU for wanting to be there for me and showing me that you care. you really helped me this time and thanks to you, i can feel much better in such a short time. i love you babe! thanks for being there when i needed a friend. *hug* just remember to call me whenever you need me okay? remember: whenever, wherever. :)


happy shalala...haha..

go home, get down

dinner yesterday went fine. felt much much better today than i had yesterday or the day before.


i believe i'll be fine by tomorrow? haha...so soon.


it was a comfortable dinner. seems like being friends is okay. im glad things are made 100% clear and i have no qualms about it anymore. i understand everything perfectly fine and if im not the person for him then so be it. :)


i am such an understanding person huh. haha..so please don't take advantage of me okay! haha..


im glad my sis is like having THE time of her life right now. im feeling just a slight twinge of jealousy. haha.. YEAH RIGHT! gosh...i can ALMOST smell the fresh cold mountain air when viewing all those pictures she sent over.


man...just a few more months to go. maybe i shall go beijing or australia or japan next year! :) cant wait.

ask me now

today was okay! :)


didn't cry at all today. cool. my adaptability has vastly improved.


going for dinner soon. okay. im feeling fairly good.


:)


yes. maybe it's just the music.

creating something out of nothing

tomorrow is a new day!!


:)


had dinner with nad. she was so nice to come visit me!! i love you babe! thanks for meeting me today. i think i needed it.


stupid hoting! everyday he can go for competition! but this envy is only to a small extent la..can you imagine the amount of work he has to catch up with?? but i think he can do it. damn! haha..


what do you do when you dont want to do whatever that is currently important in your life? you blog. haha...geez.


okay. im L-O-N-E-L-Y. so talk to me!


okay im just kidding. really. like totally serious. :D im alright. for certain periods of time. it's like having spasms. haha..tell me to get real. quick. haha...

long way down

i feel miserable. i cant seem to do anything without tearing. i cant study. i cant enjoy sushi. i don't think i want to curl up on my bed because i then i think i'll end up even worse. shit. i miss him. sigh. damn periods. it's not helping at all that my period is NOW. every emotion is intensified. ARGH!!!!!


i wonder what will be my next move?

after you're gone

just got off the phone with c. im going to miss him SO much. at least he was willing to explain to me. i will always have you in my heart.


okay babe. move on. be strong. you have done this countless times.


i don't want to break up!!! *sobs*


sigh.


strong different personalities. i know i can never try to convince you otherwise. but i still love you.


sigh...at least this will make my nights and my breaks easier. NOT. haha...


i love you, c. thanks for showing me so many wonderful things in the time that we had together. :)

rash decisions. something i always do and regret after. loneliness.


i don't know. what is going to happen next? love. am i going to be loved? am i going to be shown love? perhaps i asked too much. lost. like falling into an abyss after letting someone's hand go. did i make the right decision? i really don't know. the phrase "if you let someone go and that person comes back to you, that person is yours" plays in my head but who am i to predict the future? sometimes decisions made can never be unmade.


i love you and i want to be with you but somehow the feeling i get is that you don't want to be with me as much as i want to be with you. perhaps you dont even care whether or not im in your life. but i really dont know. maybe you'll be much happier without this relationship adding on to your stress. your day offs spent more wisely and i will no longer post a problem in your life.


lost. what a word.

put back the stars

i had a great day out yesterday. =)


somehow everytime i go out with c, it's always fun-filled and really relaxing. it's all about having fun and not thinking so much about what others will think. he said he enjoyed it too so i guess the feeling is very mutual =). haha..


i attended the catholic service for good friday and it was...overwhelming. well it was just going through the stations, which are the "stages" (i have no idea how to say this. forgive me if it sounds odd) jesus went through before he dies, but it was very overwhelming for me.


things are going well for c and i at the moment.


i feel like buying the blindside album "'the great depression". but im currently out of cash. sian. haha...i guess it's save save save for me. spent like an hour and a half in borders yesterday with c. it was fun, looking for great cds. with him the feeling is so different. im so glad i met him. fated or otherwise. haha..


i have been cooking porridge for my dear sister the last few days (with the exception of yesterday) because she has gotten, guess what, chicken pox. poor girl. but she is getting much much better now. how can i tell? the way she bosses me around. haha...no la. just kidding. i think im so not going to buy salmon to cook for porridge for a long time. haha...gosh. i think my mom is so sick of the fish. my sister too. but i must admit, eating salmon once in a while is nice.


blindside. i know i know. i have been mentioning them every once in a while now. but i cant help it! they are so nice. i really wonder how they write the songs. the lyrics are so beautiful.


randomness. haha...love. hmm...i wonder how much love do i possess. is it enough for the whole world? nah. if i have to love everyone my love will be stretched pretty thin. haha...i'd rather give more to some people. okay. rambling about now here. haha..

Now every little second is time
And every word seems to rhyme
I follow every word like streetlights
To make it home all right

The Bullet Never Lies, And Time Will Prove All Things

my head is still intact, i came out a much better person, finally without any further influences.
the hole in my heart fully filled with new love that is stronger and much better.
i will never regret anything i had said or done.
sometimes, bitterness is overpowering but it had never ever touched me.
the sweetness of new love is healing, and the freedom to speak has never been so glamorous.
i will rise above the shallow and remain indifferent to infantile garbage.
onward i shall go, leaving behind the incompetent.

roads

i've discovered a band. haha...actually it's c who introduced me to the band, as like so many other things. haha..


blindside, baby!


if you think you share the same music taste as me go check them out! they are good. i think they are swedish. haha...have a feeling im wrong. but they are nice. especially this song, roads.


it's april already. so soon. yesterday was like december and i just met my hon hon. haha...sounds so mushy. 18. im actually afraid of what may come. all the things unknown. will i fail? will i die? will i make a huge mistake? will i get pregnant accidentally?


but i guess that's what make life interesting. you make your own destiny. fate can only give you so much. much of your life depends on what you are doing in the present, right?


i haven't been blogging not because im busy with school or c or what. i guess you can call it writer's block? haha....as if im such a great writer. everytime i sign in, i sign out without typing anything.


i did some online test recently about depression and guess what? they actually told me to go consult a psychiatrist la! haha..so funny.


oh and the cip tuition thing is very fun! all i hope is that my kid actually learns something useful from me. haha..


at least every week i have something to look forward to. actually, i have something to look forward to every week: 1. the kid 2. meeting c 3. weekends


gosh!!!! i feel myself getting B-O-R-I-N-G!!!!! argh!!!!!!

Now every little second just flies
I hold on to them like paradise
I follow every word like streetlights
I, I want to fall in love and leave tonight