sunday bloody sunday

well..here we are again.


have been feeling rotten the whole day. having heart problems.


please dont take that statement literally. im not sick sick.



this movie poster had me rolling in the floor in laughter. haha..seriously..from looking at this poster can you guess what the movie is about?? haha...a bunch of people who are hiking UP the french alps and they are very very tired. so they have called the movie "pur week-end"


*rolls around the floor in laughter*


it's okay if you don't get it. haha...




this is the pompidou. the above 3 pictures that is. it's a famous museum where comtempory arts are housed and appreciated by people who have their art senses kicked into overdrive *laughs hyterically*


haha..okay. that was a private joke.


and yes. that is moi below in my newly bought cheap pair of sunglasses which i lurve.....heh..


haha..couldn't smile widely even if i wanted to. didn't want to spoil my image. haha..

sister and i at the luxemburg palace. this place was built for ONE lady who was not even the queen or anyone important. just the king's consort. those rich bastards..



okay la..at least we can go in there now for free. haha..


now..the Eiffel Tower.


:)

beautiful sister and i went up the tower at around 9pm paris time when it was still bright and early and stayed till it became completely dark at around 10 plus.

paris at 930pm.

paris at 1030pm.

funny how they got every other country's spelling right except ours. but yes, it does pour in singapore.

real or fake you decide. :D


of course it's real!!!!!!! i took it! heh...



goofing around..heh..

the original
the fake
one of the many pictures we took because im a perfectionist. haha..


my sister is coming back! yay! :)


another..16 days more. hang in there girl..


will post more another day :)

take my picture

well..i have a new set of computer. all bought and fully installed today. my mom even bought a memory card reader. hence i can upload my pictures now :)


these pictures i have with me are those on the last leg of my trip - the last 6 days to be exact. heh..


























hmm..think that will be all for today..there are more of course..but if i upload everything today then not exciting already right..heh..

---------------------------------------------------

anyway..on a different level of emotions..im getting really tired. and i think he is too..we can't hold a proper conversation without it ending in a disagreement. maybe disagreement is too light of a word. it should be more of arguments.


i am tired...


of crying..


of feeling angry..


of trying to change my bad ways but find that im probably the only one trying..


of feeling unaccepted..


of arguing over stupid and mindless things that just make me feel damn bloody angry..


...


hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. just wish i can lift myself out of this vicious cycle..i want to go to school and fill up my days with activities such that i won't have time to even think of the stupid things he does that pisses me off. i'll be busy, he'll be busy, we won't have time to meet up and stuff..good! we spend less time arguing and more time cherishing the time we have. i really hope so.


i really hope so..


otherwise i don't know how much longer i can last..


is this how it is supposed to be?


can someone answer me?

We only just begun

by run kid run


You'll have your ups and downs
Don't let them push you out
Cause time is all you've got now


Go make the best of everything you want to be
With ambition pushing forward
Your dreams upon your shoulders


Though impossible it seems
It's time to just believe
From here on out you're just getting older
Pick up yourself you keep getting closer


Let's just get it started tonight
All you've ever wanted its in your eyes
Just let it take you where you want to go
Just let it tell you what you want to know


You've got your destination
Progress has now been made and you
Will see the way you've wanted it to be


We've only just begun
There's gold that lies in us
Your hesitation's held you long enough


Though impossible it seems
It's time to just believe
From here on out you're just getting older
Pick up yourself you keep getting closer


Let's just get it started tonight
All you've ever wanted its in your eyes
Just let it take you where you want to go
Just let it tell you what you want to know


The future holds a brighter day for you
You may ask yourself tonight
Is it out of reach, out of reach,
is it out of reach is it out of reach,
out of reach, or am I? or am I?


Let's just get it started tonight
All you've ever wanted its in your eyes
Just let it take you where you want to go
Just let it tell you what you want to know


Let's just get this started
(where you are tonight)
All you've ever wanted
(its in your eyes)
Just let it take you where you want to go
Just let it tell you what you want to know
Just let it take you where you want to go






yes, im back...since last thursday. haha.. i do want to upload my photos from the trip (took alot..total up to 900plus maybe?) but i have no idea where is my camera wire and most of my pictures are with my sister.


i have already decided which school to go to..surprisingly, it is the same school as what sarah yap has posted on her blog. heh..that's pretty interesting.


i bought lots of clothes from Paris. haha..do go out with me sometime. i will show them off to you. wahahaha..


paris was enjoyable. :) as long as you don't talk to them (unless you speak very fluent french) and mind your own business, paris is a place you can't really get enough of. or maybe it's just the shopping. haha..


the clothes there are 100x nicer. i swear. though i only stayed in paris (for 12 days) and took day trips to see the very beautiful mont st-michel and the french alps, i bought about 300euros worth of things (not all for myself la..) - that's a LOT of money considering that it all came from me (my mom paid for my air ticket, which isn't very much compared to all the other flights, and i had thoroughly enjoyed my in-flight experience). spent about a total of S$2200...which is not a lot if you think about it because i was saved from accomodation and airfare. but it is a lot for me la..spent all my work money and a bit more.


however, it was all well spent ;D


it's been so long since i last blog man..so weird.


will post the pictures up soon. heh..

hello everybody

be be your love

in approximately 5 days and 2 hours from now im going to be flying to france for a trip.


i cant wait.


im glad that fate has played it such that i managed to see 2 loves of my life coincidently, which i can tell you, is VERY rare.


...


sometimes i don't know if willie and i can work out in the end. we're both so stubborn.


sigh..


but im going to give this my best shot so...if this relationship between us fails it would just mean that one of us has given up.


life-long learning...so far, i've only gotten one call for interview. i dont know what to expect next month.


general feeling of now is: wu jing da cai.


...


sigh...


slap me please.

Random pictures

China trip - HangZhou

China trip - Haagan Daaz

Willie's birthday

Dog Walk on April Fool's Day (org by Class 95)

Heard that sound

after a long while of ... 4 weeks?


okay. latest update:


1) My job at Great Eastern will be considered THE job that changed my life.


2) I'll be going Paris to find my sister on the 25th of this month. and i'll be spending ALL my money. SHIT.


3) I'm getting fat. DOUBLE SHIT (though you'll think that after all that shit i've excreted out of my body, i'll be slightly thinner..haha..okay. not funny).


ANYWAY.


i think this trip will make me a better person. yup..this can be considered as a soul-searching trip i guess. BUT all my money will be GONE. freak. i need to find a job that pays me more than $6.50 an hour. seriously, $6 per hour is NOT enough. sigh..


im a little afraid that i will not get a chance to be shortlisted into any Us that i have applied for. i hope this feeling of fear will not get the opportunity to bloom into outright panic.


i want a laptop that surfs the internet!!! this computer is SO troublesome..grr...

walking after you

after a day of work and confession to my very appreciated and beloved colleague and dear friend, jesmine, i have reached the clear-minded state for the very first time in these 2 months.


i actually feel much happier. :)


i know this is a drastic change from yesterday. but i think, YES, i need a life other than willie.


YES YES YES!


haha...i feel good. finally.


:)


please. feel happy for me. hope the joy from my heart can radiate out from the screen and make you jump with joy.


YES!

reflection

before i start with my actual post, i would like to tell you my results. im not showing off or anything. i just thought i would make it more convenient for people who would like to know what i got.


i got..


ABCC6 for MCEGP.


i think these are the maximum grades i could get given the amount of effort i had put in. so i am not unhappy nor am i feeling euphoric. i just feel...nothing. nothing special. nothing i should be proud of.
__________________________________________


i am feeling angry again. over nothing. so it seems.


my heart is not at peace. and i would like to know why.


anyway, i realised that i am making up my mind over lots of things everyday.


i realised that i do not want to arrange my life around somebody else's so that his life can be more simple. it is making me unhappy.


i realised that i shouldn't really care about what others say about me. because they dont know me. even if i really like them. unless of course..you are a somebody to me - like you have known me for more than 5 years or spent lots of time around me. because i realised that people tend to just see one side of things as it is easier that way. listening to people, who dont really know you, talk about you is going to hurt. so yeah. i will stop caring.


i realised that my family is still the number one thing in my life. and no one is going to change my mind about it.


i realised that i want to form my own opinion about things instead of taking other people's opinions as it is. as 'duh' as it sounds, i will not listen to the opinions and take it like the person is some god.


i realised that expecting too much from a person is going to give me constant heart pain. so instead, i will withdraw and expect only the minimum. that way, i can be easily contented.


i realised that i need some external help in calming my mind down. not some psychologist mind you. i was thinking more like taking buddhist teachings or taking meditative yoga or something similar.


being frustrated at almost nothing is driving me crazy. having somebody in my life who doesnt understand or doesnt have the time to understand what im feeling is making me even more frustrated.


another thing. please try to enlighten me. what would you do if your mother is sick and she doesnt want to see a doctor? would you (a) drag her to one and instead of gratitude you get unhappiness from her, (b) argue with her, or (c) just leave her be because, hey, that's her choice. what would you do. really.

sometimes

sometimes...


i want to be away. alone. with no one to make me angry over nothing.


sometimes...


i feel lonely. even if there is someone next to me. because no one really understands me.


sometimes...


i feel selfish. i want the world to revolve around me.


sometimes...


i feel really sorry. for the person who chooses to be with me. because he would have to go through hell in time to come (like now).


sometimes...


i feel so sad. at the way the world is turning out to be.


sometimes...


i feel like holding the hands of the elderly. when they walk alone in the streets with no one to accompany them.


sometimes...


i feel like dying. just a fleeting moment. but it is always surpassed by thoughts of people who care.


sometimes...


i feel like the luckiest girl ever alive. because i have a family and beautiful hearted friends whom i can love and rely on. and receive love in return.


sometimes...


i just want to say, "Im sorry." for not being the best i can be.