a fresh start (i guess..)

hmm...im currently having a bit of writer's block. perhaps because im happier with my life and i have many listening ears hence i find blogging abit redundant. but i guess this reason is not good enough?


okay. let me just start with some headers. haha..im a math student now. have to be abit more systematic. yes, im a geek. so sue me. haha...


1. Status

im currently unattached but im dating someone. love is not in the picture yet. everything is going good so far. just like any beginning..hmm...at least he isn't egoistical or anything. i guess...i HOPE this will be different. but i know ultimately it would be up to me..to make it work i mean. so anyway..moving on..


2. School life

NTU is alright. Hall life is alright. im just very glad to be in this hall because it has a toilet. haha..and it is very near school. i can just walk there everyday la. plus my block has a bus stop right in front of it. so that makes it super convenient. i dno. just love my hall la. im actually in university already. who can believe it? haha..


3. er....what else is there.. okay: Miscellaneous

I love my MacBook. yup. cant believe im now an apple user. im going to be rather loyal from now on. Yay to Apple!!! :)


so...that is all for now. haha..here's a picture of my dear boy la:




haha...this was when we were at our hall dnd and was the first in my group to arrive so we took lots of photos. haha..he doesnt smoke. though he did. he quit on July 1st (before we met) and is still smoke-free. so...we'll see. haha..i mean nothing is permanent right. there is always room for possibilities. yup.


haha..i just realised that im NINETEEN. and im happy. :)


live for the day i guess.

Over My Head

it's been a while since my last entry.


feeling uncreative.


not much has happened between my birthday and now. except enlightenment.


taking my time now. to learn. to change. to judge. to observe. to listen.


im done with events that belong to the past now.


i have some idea about what i want in this life - they definitely do not contain whatever is in the past.


this blog might one day be redundant because i need a change. too many things on the blog that i do not want.


"the only way to change yourself is to completely destroy yourself and build it up from scratch"


i like that idea. takes too much time..but i believe it is the only effective way.


soon..

new deep

hello 19, goodbye 18.


:)


had a blast celebrating my birthday in hall with my roomie and toiletmates yesterday and of course..2 hours ago with someone..who gave me a damn good surprise. :)






:)


this is so far the best present that i've appreciated. haha..im sorry to those people before i turned 19 because i didn't really know how to appreciate till only recently..sorry.


i realised that from 16 till now, every year is characterised by a different guy. haha...


16: asscrap. though my birthday happened in 2004, most of my 16th year is spent with him.


17: chris. but only for a short time.


18: willie. - ..


19: ... ... ... haha..let's hope this will really work out...nothing is official. which is for the best. but...yup. everything is still too early to say. too early to finalise. too early.


18. 18 was a good year. i got to travel to 3 countries (haha..malaysia counts right?), spend 2 WONDERFUL weeks with my dearest sister in france, see ShangHai, Hangzhou, Shenzhen, and HongKong with my family, get into a university and settle comfortably in a Hall with a toilet that comes with the room (a heavenly gift i tell you) and meet wonderful people. i love my life and everyone in it.


thank you. for giving me such a wonderful life.

welcome to the jungle

hi everyone :)


it's been a long time i know.


got a new macbook. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.


am currently not in the mood to blog...so if you want to catch up feel free to set up a date with me! :)


lots of love!

we never change

i've been in camp for the past week..lack of sleep is normal of course. average of 3 hrs. camp is breaking soon..im actually really enjoying myself in this hall. for now. haha.


i dont know man............


heh....

M-E-M-O-R-I-E-S

i just wanted to thank mygreatlove for meeting me on monday. :) heh. didn't take any pictures on my phone. hmm..thanks for everything dear. my new com (which is slowing down like hell and i cant wait to get my own laptop because the laptops my sisters left behind are very very much...*growl* ) doesn't have the old pictures (all in the old harddrive) so :)


thanks for being my friend for the last...5 years. and still counting. heh heh..


next up


my darling! :) thanks for agreeing to go on my virgin "clubbing" experience with me on wed. that was probably the longest outing with you ever! haha..the reason for the "" is because..we went to MOS and ... lets just say clubbing isn't really my thing. heh. darling and i ended up at cafe iguana, enjoying a nice glass of frozen margirita (my favourite :)) and the nice breeze of a riverside night. call me weird. but since when have i not been that? haha..


darling and i watched 'paprika' before MOS, which is "extremely provoking" and in my opinion - worth more than $6.50. haha..movies nowadays only deserve $6.50 and nothing more. why? because i don't understand why i have to pay $10 for the same kind of seats and aircon and screen and space on a weekend. i mean..if during the weekend they have something extra that deserves that $10 then okay..i can accept that amount. but they're not!! somemore there are SO many people on a weekend! dont really like crowds. and on top of that, the movies are not really worth watching and will most probably come out in HBO or star movies in another..2 months time? haha..okay i know im being rather lame la. but i dont see the justification man. i know it's just $3.50 but i can eat a nice plate of chicken rice with that. okay la. unless you're paying $10 for me. or the movie is worth that amount. or the seats are worth that amount (most aren't). or i really have nothing better to do. then i'll watch movies on weekends.








darling and i at Cathay waiting for our movie to start. heh heh.


my virgin clubbing experience was...maybe not the real thing. haha. because place was rather empty. next time then. :)


cheers! :)




darling and i at MOS toilet taking our mirror shot-s.


yeah man. got new phone. the sony ericsson w880.


at cafe iguana.



in the toilet outside MOS



hmm..it has been about a month since i left GE. kinda miss the ladies.


Top: juls (wonder if you're still there in GE???) and me.
Bottom: ShaoZhen, KoMing and my boss Grace.
Sorry we didn't have a nice clear picture together.


dearest-smart-wise to-be senior of mine. can't wait to see you in school. heh.


i'll officially be in school starting tomorrow!


so weird...


went to shenzhen for a week. here are some pictures.






yeah man. selling turtles (huge ones) in carefour for certain people with odd taste palates.


HONGKONG - day trip


going up to victoria peak.


at the tram station.






at the peak.


hots. haha..


nu ren jie.


shenzhen-







yup..a long but much needed entry.


i love everyone. (:

fantasy

IM SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!


SINGFEST!!!!


I KNOW IM PROBABLY THE LAST PERSON WHO HASN'T HEARD OF IT BUT WHO CARES!!!!


IM GOING!!! IM GOING!!!!! IM GOING!!!!!! $150 OR NOT!!


:)


finally...feel SO MUCH BETTER!


something to look forward to!!! WAH HA HA!!!


*dance around*


wah ha ha.......wah ha ha.....


this sunday is camp. 7 days long. im getting my hostel key tomorrow. from sunday on im going to officially be an NTU student. and be a studious mugger like i've never been before. wah ha ha.


turning 19 in a month. having complicated but probably dead simple problems. f**k whatever shit im having. im only 18! hahahaha..


okay. talking rubbish. but that's okay. :) i feel happy for the first time in like......i don't know la. because IM GOING SINGFEST TO SEE GYM CLASS HEROES, MXPX, HINDER, AND....AVENGED SEVENFOLD!!!!!!


<3

talk is cheap

i know i've been depressing lately. much things have happened. so much about myself have been revealed to me.


i realised that..when it comes down to it..im a very private person. and i realised all my wonderful friends as well as my beloved family are very private people.


how many people in this world can you say completely knows what you are and what you're made of? so far..i only have one. but i realised i dont really like this feeling of being known. especially if there is a price to pay for having this person around in your life. yes, it is great someone can understand you. and is willing to listen to you. but.


school starts soon. im a little nervous but im excited. :)


i missed my school's orientation camp. didn't know about it actually. haha..but what the hell. i wasn't in the country anyway. guess spms has not received any information about the advancement in technology such as they can send information to another fellow human being over the internet via a media called email. but whatever.


im just another ignorant fool who doesn't really care about worldly affairs and who the heck spearheads A*STAR.


yes. im being labeled. but f**k that la. if the world ends tomorrow will that guy even matter? will all those people who have a goal in life matter? will whatever material gain you have hoped to achieve matter?


will whatever you believe in today even matter?


f**k those people who likes to think others are wrong. who the hell says you are right to begin with? and even if you disagree must you act like you are the right one? yes, be opinionated. but stop acting like you're right, you irritating f**k.


f**k you. for thinking you can be like god.

im taking a looonnngg break. i wont be blogging anymore unless i have something happy to type about.


see all of you soon.

running away

i just wish to be left alone...............


argh.....


a holiday doesn't mean shit. if you have to think everyday.


f**k.


f**king hell.


argh...


i just want to be alone.....


*puke*

Freedom

4 more days to complete freedom.

when you're sad and confused you tend to find all sorts of reasons to convince yourself and ease the pain.


hence when you find a reasonable one, you stick to it and call it your reason.


times like this, this reason is called an assumption.


which another can easily dispute.


today would be our 8th month. this number is my curse.


but...there is no room for regrets. only a door that leads to the future.


i did love my last boyfriend very much. i admit. i didn't know how to love him enough, didn't know how to treat him like a good girlfriend should.


but like i said..there is no room for regrets. and no door to turn back.


i can only walk forward..and not do those stupid things i did again.


this will be my letter of apology..and explanation. to him and myself.


i really wish you all the happiness you can find. and i hope your life will turn out the way you want it to be.


take care.. and be happy.

Goodbye Tonight

in a short span of 2 and a half years,


i met 3 three guys,


imagined myself in love with 2,


fell in love with one.


all completely different.


but all fundamentally the same.


they didn't love or like me.


they loved themselves.


i didnt regret my time with them. they're not mistakes. merely lesson learned. why did i fall for them? i am very soft. and very easy to get. just sweet talk me. that's all it took.


but things are going to change.


im going to change.


here is to a future with someone who loves ME. like i will love him.


for the better or worse.

Autumn leaves

i had a post earlier. before my sister left for shanghai. my stupid and selfish brother installed 2 stupid games into this very new and fast com and now it has slowed down. stupid shit. i can't even bring back that post or save it before so i can post it now or something. f**ing hell.


had put in lots of pictures.


sigh..


as you can tell, im not in the mood to blog happy things and happy thoughts.


i wish i can see into the future.


and see how is it that im going to live my life.


at least if i am not going to be happy,


i can change it now.


or something.

If you want to be happy for the rest of your life

Go ZARA!!!


QUICK!!!


haha..the bright coloured clothings i bought from ZARA, they are HERE!!!!!!!!!


WAH HA HA!!!


here are some pictures - i was SO happy.


:)







okay la. forgive the black skirt. was working before that and i was meeting up with J-Nice. :)


i bought the white top. and compared to MNG or Topshop, in terms of pricing, design, fabric and of course, colour, this new ZARA collection can put them out of business for this summer.
*grins happily*


let's hope the shoes will follow suit. anytime now.


SO exciting!!


:D

Warning: Complaining session full steam ahead. Continue at the risk of your health.

hi everyone.


after having seen the very much greener pastures in France (im talking about shopping here), i am proud to announce that i have given up on the fashion scene in Singapore.


i have (since i got back) observed the clothes people wear on a everyday basis, from the common clothing colour to the fabric of the clothes to the design of the clothes and i have the reason why people who leave our country never come back. ever.


Reason #1: COLOUR.


Boring, boring, boring. Colours that are commonly seen: black. white. brown.


colours that are considered "exotic": dull red. dull yellow. dull silver. dull green. dull pink. oh. almost forgot. dull blue.


colours that are considered "exceptional" and "special": dark shimmering red. dark shimmering blue. dark shimmering green.


HELLO!!! have you EVER seen a piece of clothing here with a BRIGHT, SUMMER colour that made you go WOW!??? well i have never. that's for sure.


Reason #2: FABRIC.


I have noticed that the fabric of a piece of clothing makes or breaks the colour and the vibrancy of the clothing.


Example: You walk into a shop. You senses are assulted by DULL colours. it's screaming at you, telling you to look boring. Out of the corner of your eyes, you see something different. Something of a different colour. Finally!! You walk towards it, pick it up, and.. oh. The material is lycra. It absorbs light and does not reflect the nice bright summer colour of the clothing, hence making it just as boring as ALL the other clothings.


You see how am i feeling now? im starting to feel DESPERATION.


what about a different scenario.


Example: You walk past several shops. then you stop. because right beside you is a brightly lit shop full of nice bright colours that lift your mood up instantly. you can't stop smiling. You walk into the shop FEELING the DIFFERENCE. You see a nice bright yellow (the same colour as the yellow crayon you used to colour the sun when you were a kid) tube minidoll dress that is simple yet FUN. Plus the material is not THIN. it is sort of furry. yet when you try it on, it does not stick to your body like most thin fabric does. it actually gives the minidoll dress a nice shape. You look at the price and it is about $34.90. You think to yourself,"that's rather reasonable. im always paying $24.90 for a piece of lycra that is so dull anyway. i'd very much rather have this colour than black any day." So you happily pay for this piece and walk out of the shop feeling like it made your day.


Does that sound familiar? no. im sure it does not. at all. why? because you can't find this example in our nice SUNNY country where everyone aspires to be dull AND boring. even our very own so-called designers.


Reason #3: DESIGN.


in my very humble opinion, the clothes sold in our country gives us only 2 different images to choose from: Boring or Slutty.


where are all the Classy or Sophisticated or Fun images???


sigh. im getting myself very worked up because I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. im so SICK of the clothings people are wearing. reminds myself that i was one of them. *screams in frustration*


even the SHOES!!! *pukes blood*


WHERE are the wedges??? why are there so few PATHETIC choices??? and WHAT'S UP WITH FLAT SHOES??? *pukes my throat out*


and the govt wants foreign people to come and SHOP HERE. *laughs hysterically*


even the designer clothings here are BORING.


and the shoes and accessories are equally bad!!!


sigh.


i am going to plan for another trip to a country in europe, probably spain, just for shopping so i can stock up enough to survive at least a year. or two.


lucky i bought quite a few nice pieces of clothing, shoes and accessories from paris. enough for me to ride the rough tide out.


if i had a choice between staying here and feel depressed because everyone is or leaving to a place that is equally stressful but you feel rewarded by the sight of a nice variety of clothes, shoes and accessories, i would leave the former and embrace the latter.


i refuse to accept that this is the type of fashion that is going on now in the world because i've been to paris, aka the fashion city of the world, and i can tell you now that it is not THIS at all.


okay. enough of complaining. i'll open a shop one day and i'll make it big. trust me.

Reason Why

more pictures! :)


there was this candy shop my sister and i happened to pass by at chatelet, the sort of hang out for young kids like you and i, and we saw jaw dropping candies displayed. wonder if they are edible? haha..

the market. see any veg you recognise?

they even have bread la!


and doggies!!



...and a potted plant. i would really like to know what that would taste like but i was out of cash. sad huh..



wah ha ha!

coooll right.....they even have a full birthday cake and some mini tricycle or something like that. all made of candies. if you're wondering how i could resist from eating the whole shop down...well..i have supernatural powers. haha..

the very very very nice french coffee..with lots of cognac at the last layer. yes you're currently looking at it now.

heaven.


and my sister eating a bite of heaven.

me, wanting to see if im drunk. i think i wasn't la..haha..


below would be the day im leaving paris. went to a church before that.

in the RER.


okay, i didn't take any pictures of my sister and i when i left.

paradise.


dubai airport. if i told you that the time currently in the picture is 715am would you believe me? don't you wish our airport was like this too?

the wonderful food. zoom in to see what i had for desert. *swoon*

the wonderful 4 seats i had ALL to myself. (of course you'll only see 3 la. i was seating on one of it.)


i really had a good time in paris. and..i really really really love travelling. especially with someone i love.


more pictures will be uploaded when my sister is back. :)


------------------------------------------------------------
im currently searching for my true feelings and thoughts. trying to find the reason behind all my heartaches and confusion.


im trying to think for myself and yet draw the line of being selfish. once again, it is about perception and how you view the extent of being selfish.


im trying to sort out my feelings. with a lot of difficulty. they're all currently jangled up in one big mess like how your earphone wire likes to do.


IM ONLY 19 FOR GOODNESS' SAKE!! who thinks about these stuff now!!??


have actually taken a day off today to just chill and relax and see how true his theory is about me working is directly proportional to the emo shits im giving. for a moment when i woke up not really caring a shit about anything that's happening now, i believed his theory. but now..it's a different story.


im currently stuck in one mindset.


and im trying not to be sick of myself.


how to make things better? for the both of us?


im scared, nervous, anxious, angry, hurt, confused...and lonely.


what do i want right now?


it is to be happy.


now. how can i achieve that?