"Happy" New Year

my darling is leaving in 6 days...
sigh...

Willie, if you're reading this, I just want to say Im so glad you're so childish.


I just hope that you will grow up soon enough because you might just end up like a certain 40-something man we used to know. Do you like him? No? I didn't think so.


But whatever la.


Your girlfriend was right. We were arguing like some little kids. But my intention wasn't to argue with you. It doesn't matter anymore i guess. Serves me right for reading your blog and finding out that (surprise surprise) you are so childish.


Im glad because I realised my boyfriend and you have no points for comparison! Yay! haha.. For example, he is mature. You are childish. Both of you are just different! See?


If you think I downgraded, I think you should try harder if you want to feed your ego with lies. I didn't downgrade or upgrade. I just moved to a different country. A country where I am happy. If you are not going to be mature about it and be happy for me because I am happy, then so be it. Stay that way. I don't care. Be a both a bitter AND childish boy. Wow! Such a good combination. Nice!


Take whatever you need from my blog and say whatever you want in your blog. Say whatever you want about me to your girlfriend. My conscience is clear. I didnt do anything wrong to you. I didn't BETRAY you or LIE to you or CHEAT on you.


Im just glad I can close you out of my life and out of my heart. Thank you for being so childish.

Photo entry

malaysia trip with hall

well..believe it or not..this is just recreational smoking. I believe it. :)

genting - first world hotel - only these lights are nice.

Lovely roomie. :)

Lovely roomie and toiletmate. :)

KL - Berjaya Times Square - Amazing, impressive, I love the room.
okay. so I love the toilet too.

12/12 - :) sentosa resort sucks. maybe its just the weather.

love the company. haha..

trying to act sexy and beautiful. haha..

vivo city - nice lunch at sushi tei.

my absolute favourite - dobinmushi

my half-eaten expensive-but-good prawn/seafood noodles. haha..

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
okay. so overall, I had a fun and enjoyable time with kp. though i know im probably spending too much time with him. haha.. but what can i do..he's going away for half a year.

just a quick post:


Kp and i are T-O-G-E-T-H-E-R. hahahaha...yes, after 4 plus months of dating. Well, for me anyway. maybe its a different thought from him?


Hope this will be different, since we started out different anyway. haha..


Love to all. including the guy who tentatively has my heart for now.


:D


i'm happy.


believe it or not.

Choking on shoelaces

okay. Just a quick post.


My exams are OVER! hahaha... Anyway the reason for this post is so to tell you (my lovely friends) that I'm FREE. To shop, hang out, whatever. Till Jan la. haha.. so CALL ME. okay. haha..


Next:


I so badly want to try harder to make it different. I WANT it to be different. I want my Life to be different.


I'm really trying to be more open minded but at the same time, more opinionated. Sometimes I find myself too accepting to people's ideas and thoughts that I don't really try to challenge them. That's quite a disadvantage if you ask me because for a paper which requires thoughts and argument, I kinda suck.


I'm trying. I want to be different from this past year, I want to show everyone that I can be quite grown up when it comes to a relationship. I don't want to run around in circles, I don't want to make a big fuss out of a piece of sand, I don't want to quarrel. I want to be happy. and I'm sure i'm not the only one.


Oh yeah. Haha.. I just want to say that I think Men in general are JUST LIKE WOMEN.


Here is my case:


Men = Women + EGO + PRIDE. But since some women are Women = Women + Pride + Ego, I conclude, using logical equivalence, that Men = Women. HAHA.


WHY? Here's why:


They
- secretly want lots of attention and will in their own way demand for it => Like women.
- actually secretly love to gossip and complain => Like women. Except we're obvious about it.
- will get hurt easily. => Like some women.
- keep everything inside them. => Like some women.
- secretly want people to guess what they're thinking about. => Women's trait.


The list can go on and on. But I'll stop here. haha..


Anyone disagree with my case? feel free to start a debate with me. haha.. I want to practice my argument skills.

Pour some sucre on me BABY!

My cinema studies paper is in 1 and 30 mins! And I have sort of run out of ideas. It'll be a challenging/argumentative/discussion/debate sort of paper. I have to convince myself for the next few minutes that I'm GOOD at bullshitting and writing at the speed of light.


Yeah baby! I'm GOOOOOOd.


You know what is the worse thing? I only started studying for this paper last night and my only solution is to write all sorts of nonsense into my book which I can bring in with me. Some old habits die hard.


Bullshitting - Im Good at it.


28 hours more!!!!!!!! I really cant wait.


Top 10 things I want to do:


1) Hug and kiss my mom
2) Hug and kiss my cat (just to irritate her. haha...but i know she digs it.wah ha )
3) S H O P - for anything - clothes, shoes, books, comics, earrings, whatever
4) Go to the beach for some fun activity with Kp
5) Sleep on my WONDERFUL WONDERFUL BED
6) Buy presents
7) Watch shows on my mac
8) Watch a movie in the cinema
9) Eat at a nice Jap restaurant
10) Clean up my room at NTU camp because it's getting really dirty and messy. hahaha! - this no. 10 is totally optional for me though. I might not do it. haha..


just a bit more...feel so out of breath...sigh...and my grades are not going to be fantastic...sigh...okay. ignore that.

One Step Closer

Im so sick of NTU camp. 

So sick of studying.

So sick of being here. 

So bored. 

UGH...

发刻你！！！ 你这个没用的臭恶性按摩师！！！

haha...okay. Spend quite some time getting the words right. anyway. Its (for my non-chinese friends) fuck u! (fa ke ni. get it? haha) You useless EXAMS!!! (haha...but when i typed the word "EXAMS!!!!" it came out "perverted evil masseuse" -- direct translation. haha..) 

haha...okay. that was quite entertaining. 

sigh....so bored I have to resort to this. 

My exam is in another 4plus hours. So sick of it.. 

Think I haven't seen home for like a MONTH! hmm.... and you know what I miss most???

MY KITTY CAT.......

Aint No Time to Play

I just realised that i have a 4 year relationship with my blog. It has seen me sad, happy, angry, overwhelmed, depressed...Wow. It's the closest to companion as one can get. Another thing i realised is...My entries are slowly getting shorter and shorter, and lesser and lesser.


Wow....4 years. next year i'll be TWENTY. Scary....


in other 12 hours will be my first paper...


sigh...

Say Yes

Just had a very nice dinner with my family. Our table was filled with laughter and joy (compared to the family next to us)..haha..


Its nice to have a nice dinner with them..want to go home..miss my cat. haha..


hmm....


exams are here.....


bleah...

hmm....want to meet my girlfriends soon...Nad...YY...Sinyi...


wonder how im gonna do. seem to be quite bad. my mom seem to have no expectation of me. hahaha....


i seem to have no expectation of myself.


ah...whatever.


Happy birthday mami! i know you'll be reading this. I love u. :) *muacks*

Stormy weather

i know this is my second blog entry.


anything to put off studying.


sigh......


everyone is working hard...except me.


I cant seem to get my act together. im lulled in my cocoon of security over my grades when they are actually close to nonexistent. i have done no planning..my exams are next week and im still here wondering where i can study and who i can study with.

excuses excuses excuses......


i want to run away......

How about enough - You Wouldn't Mean a Thing to Me Anymore

Ah! Blog. How I have missed you so.


Exams are just around the corner. I miss my home, I miss the Bedok Mac (that is being demolished as we speak), I miss my family, I miss my friends.


I so badly want to go somewhere else other than this end of the world to study because I just cannot do it well here. I want to go the other side of the world (Changi Airport). Sigh.......


Why did I choose this end of the world again?


Stupid lectures and tutorials are still going on teaching new things when exams are starting next week. This means im still wholed up here in this place. I want to go home...not to study obviously. I cant study at home. It's been proven. I refuse to force myself to get stressed at home because HOME = RELAXATION = SLEEP = ENJOYMENT = CONTENTMENT.


Sigh....how i miss you HOME...


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Warning : A revisitation to the past (as usual)*


It's been....about 4 months since Willie and I are not together. Seriously..I'm glad it's over. It was a long drawn break-up waiting to happen. Okay. So it was not so long. Whoever made the first move does not matter. I'm glad he found someone he can have a new relationship with and I'm glad I am currently dating a pretty wonderful guy. Perhaps 5 years really took it's toll on us. But then again, would this 4 years repeat history? I'm thinking, "Unlikely".


Kp and Willie are two completely different people with completely different characters. So don't get me wrong. When I thought myself in love with Willie (perhaps I did), I loved everything about him, right down to his extreme male ego that's bigger than the universe. Love IS blind. I was blinded to his faults, exposed only when we broke the circle. Or let me rephrase that. I ignored/loved/pushed aside/accepted his faults because that was what I thought I should do. Yup...


" We were never lovers, more than friends"


hmm...Why did I revisit this issue? I guess..this issue links to many things..Like how I ran away from my problems. A prime example happened at the end of everything, completely unrelated to the whole problem yet was the cause of my psychological blockout to the problem. sigh...Ran away I have. I was completely convinced that was the right thing to do. But till now I have no idea how to fix it. I have pushed it to a corner to my mind but it keeps haunting me - even in my dreams. I really regret getting together with/turning to a guy to get better. I REALLY REALLY REALLY regret it man.....


Stupid mistake.


If you ask me, I think it is unlikely that this guy and I will ever be friends ever again, although it it is too early to tell. Seriously..I have a phobia. For everything that has to do with that guy and all guys that look/act/talk like him. Stupid....caused this to myself. Wish it gone. BE GONE PHOBIA!


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hmm...Just to satisfy your curiosity about kp (if you do happen to be curious that is. haha..):

He is:


Tall. hahahahahahahaha.........


Down to earth. Unlike ... a certain someone I used to know. haha...


Understanding.


Accepting. (of everything about me. Even whatever mood swings I have or whatever music i like or whatever weird/unique (cheh..haha..) habit I have)


Loud. or Noticeable in a crowd. (or perhaps that's just for me. haha..)


Confident. (I admire this quality in guys)


Unselfish. Kind.


Eats chili, isn't allergic to seafood, eats fish like a man should (unbelievable that this is coming out from me? haha..believe it), eats basically almost everything la. Why is this important? Because I love food. And I LOVE to share good food. So I really can't be with someone who is picky about everything or is SO critical. These comes from past experiences with a couple of guys.


Religious. (or maybe he just doesn't eat beef. haha..)


Opinionated.


Loves his family.


Affectionate.


hmm....


I haven't seen his unagreeable side yet because three months of honeymoon dating just passed. I'm waiting to see it because this time, I'm not so blind. Still blind la but not so. Which is better than nothing. haha..Whatever it is, I'm keeping an open mind. Or trying to.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


hmm....I am 19. and I'm just a nobody trying to make it through this life. I need a holiday. I want to travel. I miss paris. I miss those French people. I miss China. Okay. Maybe I don't. haha..But the POINT IS....I miss travelling. Full Stop. I want to go on imagining what it's like to live other people's lives instead of living my own.


I want to run away.


I want to go home.


I want to be professionally lazy. If it is possible. haha....

We were travelling in the car

With nothing better to do

So we had a bit of fun

and cracked ourselves up. Doesn't she look like someone you know? haha..

I didn't want to study.

haha..it is weird looking at yourself like this some Freudian Theory? haha..

Cookie monster

Cute dear Jan who joined in the fun. haha..

Jap comic star. haha..

she looks good in this mirror thing. haha..


The eye.


There's a pattern one. haha..


Flying eagle meets rabbit pig.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
haha...okay. should probably get back to work or start working. haha..but that was real funny. Really had fun making all that stupid faces. haha..It's raining heavily now. I actually want to read this book by Haruki Murakami. It's called "Hard-boiled Wonderland and the End of the World". But...hmm...it's err...not holding up too well..maybe I should just stick to my standard romance novels and laugh at how I'm such a sucker for those books. Perhaps Murakami needs an acquired taste. I don't know..I bought it because it had an interesting first page and cover. BUT.
Sad right. It's just getting boring......I don't know...recommend me a book anyone?

Random-ness

During film studies class today we watched the korean film "Shiri". It is a war film and it is about the war between North and South Korea. I couldn't stomach the suspense and left halfway. Yes, I AM a coward who chooses to see what I want to see. Yucks. All that tortured screaming and paranoia (for me). My imagination just runs wild laa..It's as if any moment I'm gonna get gunned down by some sniper or something like that. I don't feel safe man.....hmmmmmm....can't watch shows like those...will die of paranoia.


On the other hand, I'm actually not doing very well as I would like to. I'm still bringing my A-levels mentality around. Which is bad. bad. BAD.....


sigh......


why am i in math again?


okay. actually i know the answer. It is:


So i dont have to write essays.

Shits

I don't read the news.


Rather, I don't LIKE to read the news. Too depressing to me. Because once you read the news, you realise how many fuxked up people there are in the world. Politicians especially. Full of shit. They are the people in charge of everything, I know. I probably wouldn't be living in the state that I'm in if not for LKY and his team. But he is half the exception.


Full of shit.


Everyday some innocent person gets killed for WHAT? Money.


Stupid paper that is artificial and ultimately unimportant when the world ends.


Don't tell me shit like "War to end terror". You are willing to spend so much money and to sacrifice so many innocent lives because you can ultimately get more money from the oil. Perhaps I don't know what I'm talking about. But what the HELL are you doing?


Just another human being trying to act all important and powerful. As like many others.


I take the news for granted. That I have to admit.


Seriously..I really wish someone will just form a World Police thing and arrest those govt officials abusing their power. Maybe there already is one. But if there is, they are not doing their job.


Fuxking politicians/govts/officials. You would think at this day and age when everyone is interdependent on everyone and 30% of the world is educated and stuff..you would think the world could be a better place to live in..maybe it's just me. At the end of the day...it is these fuxking people who will remind me that there still is a looonnnng way to go before the world really becomes better.


Who will save those trapped in their own country? Who? Not you. Not me. Why? Because if we try, we will just be a waste of precious resource. If the powers really wanted to act..they would have loonnnnngggg time ago. So stop meeting up for the sake of keeping up with appearences and do something really useful for a change. Fuxked up people.


You see the reason why I don't like the news? I get worked up and angry for nothing and give myself tons of excuses why I'm doing nothing to try to change the world. Ah..what the fuxk la.


Just another complaining entry...

a fresh start (i guess..)

hmm...im currently having a bit of writer's block. perhaps because im happier with my life and i have many listening ears hence i find blogging abit redundant. but i guess this reason is not good enough?


okay. let me just start with some headers. haha..im a math student now. have to be abit more systematic. yes, im a geek. so sue me. haha...


1. Status

im currently unattached but im dating someone. love is not in the picture yet. everything is going good so far. just like any beginning..hmm...at least he isn't egoistical or anything. i guess...i HOPE this will be different. but i know ultimately it would be up to me..to make it work i mean. so anyway..moving on..


2. School life

NTU is alright. Hall life is alright. im just very glad to be in this hall because it has a toilet. haha..and it is very near school. i can just walk there everyday la. plus my block has a bus stop right in front of it. so that makes it super convenient. i dno. just love my hall la. im actually in university already. who can believe it? haha..


3. er....what else is there.. okay: Miscellaneous

I love my MacBook. yup. cant believe im now an apple user. im going to be rather loyal from now on. Yay to Apple!!! :)


so...that is all for now. haha..here's a picture of my dear boy la:




haha...this was when we were at our hall dnd and was the first in my group to arrive so we took lots of photos. haha..he doesnt smoke. though he did. he quit on July 1st (before we met) and is still smoke-free. so...we'll see. haha..i mean nothing is permanent right. there is always room for possibilities. yup.


haha..i just realised that im NINETEEN. and im happy. :)


live for the day i guess.

Over My Head

it's been a while since my last entry.


feeling uncreative.


not much has happened between my birthday and now. except enlightenment.


taking my time now. to learn. to change. to judge. to observe. to listen.


im done with events that belong to the past now.


i have some idea about what i want in this life - they definitely do not contain whatever is in the past.


this blog might one day be redundant because i need a change. too many things on the blog that i do not want.


"the only way to change yourself is to completely destroy yourself and build it up from scratch"


i like that idea. takes too much time..but i believe it is the only effective way.


soon..

new deep

hello 19, goodbye 18.


:)


had a blast celebrating my birthday in hall with my roomie and toiletmates yesterday and of course..2 hours ago with someone..who gave me a damn good surprise. :)






:)


this is so far the best present that i've appreciated. haha..im sorry to those people before i turned 19 because i didn't really know how to appreciate till only recently..sorry.


i realised that from 16 till now, every year is characterised by a different guy. haha...


16: asscrap. though my birthday happened in 2004, most of my 16th year is spent with him.


17: chris. but only for a short time.


18: willie. - ..


19: ... ... ... haha..let's hope this will really work out...nothing is official. which is for the best. but...yup. everything is still too early to say. too early to finalise. too early.


18. 18 was a good year. i got to travel to 3 countries (haha..malaysia counts right?), spend 2 WONDERFUL weeks with my dearest sister in france, see ShangHai, Hangzhou, Shenzhen, and HongKong with my family, get into a university and settle comfortably in a Hall with a toilet that comes with the room (a heavenly gift i tell you) and meet wonderful people. i love my life and everyone in it.


thank you. for giving me such a wonderful life.

welcome to the jungle

hi everyone :)


it's been a long time i know.


got a new macbook. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.


am currently not in the mood to blog...so if you want to catch up feel free to set up a date with me! :)


lots of love!

we never change

i've been in camp for the past week..lack of sleep is normal of course. average of 3 hrs. camp is breaking soon..im actually really enjoying myself in this hall. for now. haha.


i dont know man............


heh....

M-E-M-O-R-I-E-S

i just wanted to thank mygreatlove for meeting me on monday. :) heh. didn't take any pictures on my phone. hmm..thanks for everything dear. my new com (which is slowing down like hell and i cant wait to get my own laptop because the laptops my sisters left behind are very very much...*growl* ) doesn't have the old pictures (all in the old harddrive) so :)


thanks for being my friend for the last...5 years. and still counting. heh heh..


next up


my darling! :) thanks for agreeing to go on my virgin "clubbing" experience with me on wed. that was probably the longest outing with you ever! haha..the reason for the "" is because..we went to MOS and ... lets just say clubbing isn't really my thing. heh. darling and i ended up at cafe iguana, enjoying a nice glass of frozen margirita (my favourite :)) and the nice breeze of a riverside night. call me weird. but since when have i not been that? haha..


darling and i watched 'paprika' before MOS, which is "extremely provoking" and in my opinion - worth more than $6.50. haha..movies nowadays only deserve $6.50 and nothing more. why? because i don't understand why i have to pay $10 for the same kind of seats and aircon and screen and space on a weekend. i mean..if during the weekend they have something extra that deserves that $10 then okay..i can accept that amount. but they're not!! somemore there are SO many people on a weekend! dont really like crowds. and on top of that, the movies are not really worth watching and will most probably come out in HBO or star movies in another..2 months time? haha..okay i know im being rather lame la. but i dont see the justification man. i know it's just $3.50 but i can eat a nice plate of chicken rice with that. okay la. unless you're paying $10 for me. or the movie is worth that amount. or the seats are worth that amount (most aren't). or i really have nothing better to do. then i'll watch movies on weekends.








darling and i at Cathay waiting for our movie to start. heh heh.


my virgin clubbing experience was...maybe not the real thing. haha. because place was rather empty. next time then. :)


cheers! :)




darling and i at MOS toilet taking our mirror shot-s.


yeah man. got new phone. the sony ericsson w880.


at cafe iguana.



in the toilet outside MOS



hmm..it has been about a month since i left GE. kinda miss the ladies.


Top: juls (wonder if you're still there in GE???) and me.
Bottom: ShaoZhen, KoMing and my boss Grace.
Sorry we didn't have a nice clear picture together.


dearest-smart-wise to-be senior of mine. can't wait to see you in school. heh.


i'll officially be in school starting tomorrow!


so weird...


went to shenzhen for a week. here are some pictures.






yeah man. selling turtles (huge ones) in carefour for certain people with odd taste palates.


HONGKONG - day trip


going up to victoria peak.


at the tram station.






at the peak.


hots. haha..


nu ren jie.


shenzhen-







yup..a long but much needed entry.


i love everyone. (: