Pre-exam Stress

Exams are coming and I am feeling *in a high pitched note* STRESS!!!


In this context, stress is a feeling and not a, how you call it? A verb? Haha..


12 more days. 6 papers. 6 weeks of work and no play.


Badly need a getaway.

I am whining

I just realised how easy it is for one to let go of a friend whom he or she hasn't talked to for a long time. I did that once, without explaining to her why I no longer wished to talk to her. Perhaps it is my karma now.


I keep hoping I'll meet someone in hall or school who I can feel very bonded with without much effort but the only person I found is my boyfriend. That wasn't exactly what I was looking for but I am glad I met him just the same.


I know it is human nature to want things you cannot have and once you have it, you wish you hadn't got it.


I miss my girlfriends. But I guess it is my fate that none of them goes to the same school as me and one of them is not in the country. I wanted to fit in in a group but I haven't ever since primary school with the malay girls. I wanted a great room mate but I hadn't and now I'm living on my own. I wanted to meet more people to search for a great friend but I guess it is more difficult than I thought it would be.


How bleak a picture I have painted for myself.


I need to reshape my perceptions..and let go of the people who have already let me go a long time ago.

Family life

My dad is back, and so is my sister, for the past week. I realize that the house is MUCH better with my dad around and seriously, I know why my family does not have disputes. Because everyone is not home all the time, when we do meet up, we concentrate on enjoying each other's company and not give in to petty quarrels. With the exception of my mom, who uses nagging as a form of communication. Which is irritating.


I want to go home...My dad is leaving this friday till, most probably, January when it's chinese new year, and my sister is leaving on saturday. :( And, I am stuck HERE. In the wasteland. I want to go HOME!!!!!!!!


Times like these I wish they all work in this island so we can all spend time together at home. But oh well...


Maybe I'm just being emo but this time when my dad is back, it made me realise that I need to cherish him more when he is still healthy and strong, and still able to hold my hand and bring me around. I really dread the day when he and my mom age to the point where I will have to hold their hands and bring them around. It is not a bad thing really...but I guess part of me still want my parents to take care of me.


I am so grateful that I am being born to my parents who have given me all their love and support. And also my siblings. Haha..I think things will be so different for me if I didn't have 2 sisters and 1 brother. I wouldn't change anything about my family if given the chance, except maybe hoping they will work in Singapore. But I am seriously blessed to be able to travel out of this island and explore just even a little of this world. It has made me open my eyes to my privileges as a citizen of this country and as a member of my family.


Now, I just need to get through university life...and earn some money. Money can help me buy experiences that are out of this world. Such as, bringing my mom to Japan and act like we're on Japan Hour. Or to Europe. Anyway. Whoever said money can't buy you happiness, is partially wrong. I need more money man...*Money money money, must be funny, in a rich man's world...*

After listening to the presidential debate, I can't help but feel John McCain is like, if not exactly, George Bush. I just can't help but feel that he is an old man who keeps telling grandfather stories and he even speaks like Bush! He doesn't really talk much about what he will do but just keep putting Obama down. Very irritating to hear him talk. I can just imagine what the future, or rather, the next 8 years, is going to be like if he is going to be elected. Bleah........Please vote for Obama!


Really hope he will win man..He just gives me the feeling that he will deliver what he says and so far what he is saying is SOOOOOO practical and soooo like what is needed. Change is really what he is going for and he seems really sure of what he wants to achieve. Plus, the way he speaks! I mean, minus the slight stammer, he sounds so down-to-earth and humble! Not like the arrogant, know-it-all old man that will most likely do what Bush is doing! McCain says Obama is naive when talking about certain issues, but at least he has some fresh new ideas. 旧的不去，新的不来 what. Plus, Obama can hold his own! Who knows maybe whatever McCain has been saying is being planned and scripted by someone in the background.


Haha..My mind is so set on Obama to win. I really hope Americans will make a smart choice. But seriously, I find their elections so funny. So much talking.

Dreaming with a broken heart

shit...feeling super down...hope it is a sign...and the song is soooooooooo sad...


Dreaming with a Broken Heart By John Mayer


check it out..

and...
I miss paris..
I miss travelling..
I miss the mountains..
I miss seeing all the white people walking all about not giving a hoot about the little chinese girl..
I miss the very professional looking hairdresser in Beijing...
I miss the picnic at the Versailles...
I miss staring at all the deeply emotional renaissance paintings and prefering them to the modern contempory ones..
I miss the restaurants...
I miss looking out at the foreign view from the trains when on the way back...
I miss that feeling of independence...
I miss feeling happy.........

Fake Plastic Trees

My body is killing me man...I have no idea what is wrong with it. It feels empty when I just had food, full of air when I had already burped out my whole stomach..and the worst thing is I feel like puking.


Plus I can FEEL myself pms-ing. Like really bad. Because when I find fault with kp, it means my period is coming. Hahaha..Right now, I'm just finding a lot of fault in him. So it means I'm pms-ing really bad.


My recess week is ending...so sad...

If smoke gets in your eyes

My boyfriend had once said to me that he has quit smoking - or rather, will not smoke in our small island because it is too expensive. But from what I can see, he is inching his way back into his old habit after his brief stint in china. 

Whether or not he will admit he is back into smoking, to me, it is one thing to take a cigarette someone has offered you, and it is another to reach for the box yourself. 

I frankly, am not entirely okay with this. For one, I think he is slightly challenging my giving of full freedom to him in doing whatever he wants to do as long as he is happy. We have not talked about this yet, because I feel that it is a sensitive issue. Why am I writing this here then..because he seldom if almost never reads my blog. I don't even know if I can or should draw the line. I am afraid that he might sort of threaten to hide from me that he smokes if I voice my unhappiness. 

I am trying my best to tolerate this. I don't know how much is my tolerance and if I'm feeling like this because I'm not feeling well. I'm probably thinking too much, as usual. Truthfully, I don't really want to be with a smoker. Because...I've been with one before. I think a lot of time is being wasted (for me) on waiting for them to finish smoking. I was almost ALWAYS WAITING. Which is a little waste of my bloody time. 

Unless of course, I pick up smoking. Then, I can join the gang..

Take the lead

Guess what?? I'm the lead actress in the next stage production for my hall!!! WAHAHAHAHA........


I just did the best I could in the audition and well..hehe...I heard it is going to be held on 6 or 7 Feb next year.


I hope I will do well and wow everyone who is going to watch the play. :D I'm feeling excited. Finally something that perhaps I could do well in.

Irony

YAY! I passed my driving test. Hahahahaha...


First, I have to learn how to park.


Second, I have to learn how to check blindspots.


Third, I have to learn how to change lanes confidently in an expressway.


Fourth, I have to learn how to drive with my shoes on.


Hmm....did I tell you I went for lessons so that someone can teach me how to do all these things?

Who knows driving is such a pain the ass. Sigh..Stress man..My driving test is tomorrow and I'm like dead. Well, I feel rather confident that if nothing goes wrong tomorrow I will pass. But. Sigh.........


Plus I think I'm pms-ing. Which is worse! How untimely it is to come at a time like this. Bleah......

I'm sorry I'm back here once again. My studying is getting no where, my heart is not in it and I have driving tomorrow because I have my test on monday. Sigh..and a quiz. Bleah...


Feeling quite anal about things that are not even important.


But I'm a girl. So shoot me.

Pissed.

Feeling pissed. Have no idea what sparked it. Or, even if I do know, things are not going according to what I want. Maybe that is why I'm pissed. Add to the fact that my cat is on heat like everyday. I want to vomit blood man.


*ROARRRRRRR*

My First Anniversary

We had a very nice and romantic and brainless dinner. Haha..outside his room at a bench table with all our ta-paoed food and disposable wine glasses and table cloth. Cheapo but romantic nonetheless.


We have already done the dine-in-some-high-class-place-and-take-many-pictures thingy in Beijing. In fact we did it so many times in Beijing we felt we can't do it here in Singapore anymore. Haha..Too expensive and not as good. Maybe it's just the novelty of doing things like these overseas.


I like the way we did our anniversary. We went to ADM once again after that. Nope..no pictures for that..


I hope I will spend more anniversaries with him. I really hope to do that. :]

After being with someone for a year, one will start to think if that someone is "right", right? I've doing some thinking recently, wondering if the things that are happening now are just temporary and if I'm just focusing on the details and not the big picture. I have been rather rational recently in my bid to maintain some self-control over my emotions, and I find myself constantly analysing the little things. Do I really know this man as I know him to be? Or is he actually someone else entirely? Recent happenings have made me face with the fact that things can't always be what I expected them to be. I am trying to find a way to face situations like that normally and not go hysterical like what I have been doing. How difficult or easy is it for me to just "let go"? To me, letting go is the hardest part. Am I really okay or am I forcing myself to BE okay. Sometimes I really wonder. What is right?


I don't want my life to be controlled by "should"s. I just want to be as free and happy as I can.

Camp

Hi guys..it's been a long time..


i'm feeling kind of down right now, probably because i'm feeding myself some sad slow songs. haha.


i don't know how i'm going to continue this. it's stupid. i want to stop whining about something. my heart and my brain is separate in this matter. how am i going to continue this next year? i really wonder. is it really unfair as you said? what the heck have you done anyway? and i thought i was being nice. fuck you for taking advantage of me. i don't need you. do you know that?


im going to seriously stop being nice. civil, yes. nice as in help you? no. now that things are different for you, i hope the best for you. hope you will grow up and learn how to take care of your own fucking business instead of always troubling others to take care of them for you. what a waste of my fucking time and feelings. fuck you. really.

No Way Back

Oh man...I was trying the new template system. I couldn't get the design I wanted man..So I'm sticking to my own very nicely customised template that I've been using for years.


I just sent my laptop for repair yesterday. Feel rather crippled man. So weak. Haha..


Today when I was on the train, I saw these 2 guys listening to some emo music, blasting their ears out like I did before. I realised that I have slowly but very naturally deviated away from those kind of music and I thought to myself," I grew up. man" HAHAHAHA!!! What happened to me I do not know, but seriously, was I THAT angst-y??? Perhaps I was. Maybe now I'm feeling happy, no need for angry music. I don't think I can ever throw away that collection. Haha..I might need it in the future.


Anyway, my hard disk almost died on me! My china pictures might be all gone save for some Kp took and those on my facebook!!! SOBS!!! Wondering if I can recover it? I don't mind paying for it la! Precious you know the pictures! Sigh..


I'm currently taking a module on EEE about modern use of electricity or something like that. Haha! I actually found it rather interesting. At least this prof was using his own experiences to explain how everything works instead of sticking to the textbook. Quite cool. Hope next sem, my math profs will be a little better. Otherwise, I'd rather just skip the lectures and read them myself!


I haven't done any entries lately huh..Oh yeah! did I say that Kp came back early to surprise me? Haha! that was like 2 weeks ago. Time is passing so fast!


For the past few days we have been watching "Full House" together on and off. Quite fun to watch with him. Haha..We're like the stay-home-and-slack couple. How time flies huh. Kp went to china and is back. School is going to start soon once again. AND, he is now my longest standing boyfriend. Yes, as pathetic as it might actually sound, my boyfriends never last more than 7+ months. Maybe I was just with the wrong kind of guys. But they sure taught me a lot.


My driving test is coming soon!!! Trying to prepare myself for FEI(-ling) (as my driving instructor says it). Sigh...Can't wait to take to the streets and come back to hand my car keys over to Kp. Haha! I really enjoy being driven around man.


This entry is full of randomness, which I'm enjoying. The "otherwise" part of the equation is being boring. More boring than I already am then. HAHA..

I seriously think my period coming man..feel so needy and stuff..attention given is like totally not enough. I wonder how am I going to survive the rest of my years man...

Even So

Hi all..It's been a few weeks since my last post..Thanks to everyone for tagging on my tagboard though I have yet to reply. Haha..


Anyway..Today's post is..about a passing thought that I had since kp and I had some unhappiness going on a couple of days ago..


I wondered..what have I done lately to make people I love happy. Because, ultimately, bringing happiness will bring more happiness to myself right? But..I realised that I haven't done a thing..instead, I was waiting for people to bring me happiness. This isn't the first time I'm feeling this way and it wouldn't be the last either..My princess attitude is inborn I think. HAHAHA...


But the more pressing issue here is, what am I going to do about this? I'm feeling reluctant! There are 2 brains working inside me..and I really think I'm being a spoilt brat..I need to do some community service or something man..


I've done some thinking (as you guys can see) and I would like to change. Especially in the best interest of my relationships with my family and friends.


I would like to laugh at myself too..Because changing is not easy and it requires willpower and, more importantly, awareness of my behavior. How am I suppose to change if I'm not aware of myself..Sigh..


Lots of rambling here..as usual..


hmm...

One Night in BeiJing

WAHAHAHAHA..... China finally unblocked Blogspot. So, I can blog about Beijing. It's my 4th day here and the days passed by so fast. I've had a great time here so far.


First day, I had a terrible time on the plane. Boarded it at midnight. Reached Beijing around 640 with backache and bloodshot eyes. Haha..had no time to appreciate the big change in the airport since I last visited this place. Rushed out of the plane to the immigration stand (so I can at least get some head start. Yes. I am damn Kiasu. But if only you know how long one has to wait -_-) but even so I had to wait half-and-hour. After so, I rushed down the escalator thinking, "YES. Baggage claim!" Noooo...it wasn't. It was a skytrain. Sigh..Haha..I really can't wait to get out of the airport. Into the skytrain and another 15 min wait before I could reach the terminal with the baggage claim. Rushed out of the skytrain and almost ran to the rotator. HAHA. But you know, it wasn't so funny at that time. Just couldn't wait to run out of the custom. Met a pretty happy kp at the end of the line. Okay. So I was pretty happy too. Trying to be a little manly here. Haha...I took a little nap after we reached the apartment and after so, had lunch at this very wonderful place.


Alameda

It is tucked away in one small corner. Step into this surreal world if you want to escape from China. Haha..I didn't want to leave the place.

It's only after we finished our appetizer that I remembered to that I forgot to take pictures of the wonderful and very pretty food. He had this chicken and pork thing and I had salad with some different kinds of sausages. Very, Very Yummy. :D

Yes, very satisfied. Hee..

We shared a beautiful glass of wine.

HAHA...his pork fillet.

My beef mignon.

It is SUPER yummmmyyyy...

The whole purpose of this picture is to show you that I drew a face with my mashed potato. As usual, only I can see it. Hahaha..

Some Massage Parlor

We went to this massage parlor. Had a chinese massage. It didn't seem to have any effect on me whatsoever. I'm too healthy already. :D

Some (nice and well-known?) SiChuan Restaurant

We had dinner with his cousin's family at a Sichuan restaurant. It was a numbing experience. Literally. Hahaha..This cute little boy is the emperor.

The emperor smiles. hee..

2nd Day - The Red Lantern House

In the train on the way to our short getaway.

The seats in this train is covered with some cushion. Quite nice and spacious. Our country can take pointers perhaps? Haha..but this isn't the "metro" la. This is the railway. (Just in case you don't know, there is a difference)

Our getaway, The Red Lantern. It looks cool ah. Yeah. That's all.

This part is quite cool. Because kp booked a double bed (otherwise there is a choice of sharing with 7 other people? Or a single/twin bedroom. Here is the website), we had to seat on a cart(?), which was on a bicycle, to reach our room. It was in a separate location. Hence we reached our final destination (some 10-20 metres away) via this cyclist.


It was a metal cart.


From my cart's point of view.


This cyclist is definately older than 40 but he was riding quite fast with kp and I at the back la! He cycled across the road somemore leh! Scary...Haha..But it was fun. :D






It was a beautiful day. Doesn't look grey-ish at all right. Can't tell that this is china hor. Haha...I'm sorry, but GREY is the colour I'd like to describe China, and Taiwan. It is like that all year round, I don't know why. It is especially visible in winter. Haha..


This stretch sells lots of musical intruments. Looks good. Actually the whole street seems to be for the youth. The shops lining the streets are filled with fashionable clothes, shoes, toys (both for the young and the adults, if you know what I mean *wink* ).


kp had a beer while we had to wait for this irritating angmoh couple because they didn't want to check out on time. They really took their own bloody time leh! Irritating...plus we reached quite early lor. Apparently, there are quite a lot of these kind of people in China.


Nothing better to do...


Some exploration of this olden house. Oh. I didn't say earlier huh. This Red Lantern House is a sort of hostel using the old houses from the dnowhichdynasty period. So our room is the dnowhichpartofthehouse.


Outside our room. The curtain-covered room on the left (with the chairs) is our room.


Some obsession of mine with spring flowers.


The other part of the courtyard.


The linkway to the main lounge.


A fishpond with MANY goldfish. FengShui perhaps? The other lounge (in the earlier pictures) had a pond, too.


We saw this VERY cute and RARE cat. I fell in love with it la! SOOOO FLUFFFYYY!!!!!


It had a partner somemore. Cute right. :D

Brassiere Flo - GREAT restaurant. Webbie here.

Nice architecture. Beijing has lots of very nice architecture around. They seem better than the ones I saw in Shanghai leh. Dno. Everyone keeps saying how modern Shanghai is but I think Beijing can qie Shanghai. Note: This is not the restaurant.


Kp reserved our dinner at this french restaurant, apparently so that I can order in french. erm...HAHA...I didn't of course. BUT. I'm so glad he didn't. :D


Beautiful bread. Beautiful butter....*salivate*


:D


Margarita. I regret ordering this instead of wine. But I got kp to order wine so everything is fine. The wine was GREAT. Very delicious.


My French Onion soup made from scratch. None of those instant mixes. *groan*...HEAVENLY I tell you..............Kp had mushroom soup which I forgot to take picture of. But his soup was as heavenly.


Kp's starter: Escargot. Drizzled with olive oil, mint and parsley. Very, very good.


My salad. Very nice presentation, good mix of colour and flavours. Very nice blend of textures as well. Extraordinaire...


Darling with his escargot.


My main dish. Steak. Words can't tell you how happy I was when I took a bite. Okay, you know there is a scene in the first Matrix movie where one bad guy was talking to the agent in the restaurant? He was eating steak remember? That was how this steak looked..exhilarating.


HAPPY...hehehe...


Some more shots of my beef...


His main dish was seabass. Very nice and fresh.


LOOK!!!! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..........


Our creamy, delicious, wonderful (I have veryyy limited vocab) creme brulee with something. I can't remember what. But I was savoring every bite I tell you...it was THAT good..sigh..


Posing and happy. Hee..


Satisfied and VERY full.


LOOK AT THIS CHOCOLATE!!!!! It came with our coffee and tea..GOD-HEAVENLY DELICIOUS.


If you're wondering why I seem a little red, it's because of the margarita. Haha..I was trying to finish it ASAP.


AAHHHHHMMMMM


Nice chandelier. HAHAHA...


That white cloth on kp's shoulder is my coat. :D It's quite cold.


We look nice. Hee~


Our ride.


YEAH RIGHT!!! Hahahahaha...


That's the place. :)

Third Day - Breakfast at some chinese place. Soy Milk and YouTiao.

This is 2 portions of youtiao. Sick right. Hahaha..


Kp, all serious about eating the youtiao. Hehehehe...By the way, that bowl you see there? That's the doujiang (soymilk). The youtiao had this extra nice dipping sauce. It was very good.

Dinner - Annie's (Italian restaurant, didn't take pictures) & The Tree

Kp's drinking Irish Stout. Very smooth, very nice.


:D


My beer and his.


It tasted like apple juice with sprite and lemonade. HAHA...nice! The waitress warned that it'd be sour. It wasn't to me. Kp couldn't stand it. Haha..he was happy with his stout. We had pizza, we took pictures, but iI think I accidently deleted it or something :(. The pizza was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good. HAHA..

Okay. So that's it for the past 3 days. Today is stay-at-home day. kp has to work you see. I have been doing this entry for the past 4 hours lor..shag..


Blog more soon. :)