Anaylse

i just witnessed something that made me think for quite some time. okay. not so long la...in one hour?? haha.. anyway. it was an overturned taxi. it'll most probably come up in the news later. i mean not many taxis in singapore actually overturn in the middle of the road right...plus the road only have like 2 lanes and the taxi was lying on the right lane, away from the pavement.


what's so scary about that right? oh did i mention that i was a bit freaked out? okay. i was. for like 5 minutes (hehe!). the main reason why i wanted to type this down is because i wanted to say that singaporeans are indeed very sheltered. and very lucky.


in places like southern thailand and iraq, violence is evident everyday in their lives. everyday we hear about bombings...terrorist activities...all these have made us feel like it's normal to see them everyday. but do we truly understand the pain, the instability which the people living there feel? of course we don't. i have always thought i could imagine the pain and thought that perhaps i do understand. but today, i finally realise that i don't. not even close to understanding. so when political leaders say they understand, they don't even come close.


seeing that overturned car in reality, which is common in movies, tv shows and newspaper, has given me the creeps. what if the person in that car was my family members? or me? it was smashed up. the space where the backseat had been was flat. there can be no possible way the passenger in the backseat had survived. but i think it had only been the driver. i really hope he or she is okay.


i felt that i needed to blog this because i think i will forget about it. maybe even by tomorrow, i will have already forgotten what it feels like to be up close.


i don't ever want to be a forensic scientist or police anymore. shows like CSI are bad. they cause youth like me to think being a forensic scientist is a very easy job to do, to get. now that im studying chemistry and being very bad at it, i FINALLY realise that those people up there on tv (or rather the characters in the show) are VERY smart. not only are they smart, they are the cream of the crop. being the first to arrive at the crime scene, they have to witness the full "glory" of the crime/accident. the police too. but the forensic scientists have to investigate the cause of it. can you imagine the immense psychological wall they have to erect in order to not get affected emotionally by it? i read a novel by micheal connelly, the poet, and there was one line that really caught my attention. he said that in every one of the people working in the field in the police force, there is a limit. this limit is the number of dead bodies you can tahan. everyone's number is different. it could be 20, 1000, 10 000 or even a million, but you will never know what is your number until you hit it. when you do, you will either commit suicide or turn in your badge and do something different. it's probably not his theory...but anyway, i find that i agree with this theory. there is only so much you can take. i don't understand what it'll feel like to see someone's brain lying somewhere on the floor but i hope i will never get to see it.


i think im getting no where. sigh...it's amazing how rapid the brain works in deleting the memory which one does not want to remember. i have already forgotten what it is like to sit next to augustine. to smell him. to hold his hand. to talk to him comfortably. to go out with him. to hug him. to be hugged by him...i know the memory is in me. but i can no longer feel the memories. to draw comfort in it. it's sad. i have even forgotten how he had hurt me. i have forgotten why in the first place i want to hurt him and how i had wished that he could understand me more. why did i do all the hurting things to him without even realising it? or even if i did, why didn't i try to change? why??? i don't know. it's sad that i'll probably never get the chance to try again. oh well. people move on too fast. the ability to get over something bad is fast and scary. how to know how much to forget and how much to keep? i guess one learns with age.


my theory is that men only finally mature when they are 50 years old. or even 60. depends on the man i guess. when i mean mature i mean when they FINALLY know how to appreciate their wife, the importance of a family and an education, how to think for others, you know...things most women will already know by the time they are 30.


im not a feminist. in fact, i do think men are superior in certain aspects. such as physical strength, emotional strength (but some men are women-like. that's sad. an example is er jie's ex-friend. his name starts with an s. oh man. so suiting. haha!!! he is an ass. okay lame), and in certain subjects such as physics, chemistry and history. it also can't be helped that there ARE gender bias-ness in politics. i am one of those who find that a woman in politics means instability to the country. so if there is a woman candidate running for prime minister or heading a political party, i will not vote for her unless she is the ONLY candidate who seems trustworthy.


yes, i will not deny that i am conservative and i freely admit i am not an extreme feminist. i am, however, thankful that because there are women who are extremist, that is why i am able to have an education today. someone has to be extreme first in order for people like me to remain neutral. we therefore should not condemn terrorists that much because good things HAVE been generated because of their appearance. good things such as awareness, better security, better government policies and better government. of course there are other things good that are generated but i can't think of any more.


however, i MUST STRESS that changes through a medium like this is NOT good. because THOUSANDS ( or maybe even MILLIONS) have INNOCENTLY lost their lives just so we can have all these better things. i mean are these better things really WORTH those lives lost??? definately not.


oh man...this is such a long entry.


alright. will vomit more philosophical thoughts next time.


later.

Slowly fading fast

i just woke up. ha...


i just woke up feeling extremely frustrated to the point where i have to tell someone what im feeling. what's better than something that doesn't say much right???


sigh...


i woke up asking myself WHAT i want to do with my life. i just realised that i don't like to think. i'd very much rather work as a nurse or at SPCA you know? i mean why do i take bio/chem when i have not much interest in them? i was just kidding myself. i mean these subjects will most probably be something im going to take in university you know. if i really don't want to do them anymore in university then im just wasting everybody's time and most importantly, money. i mean it'll come from one person, that'll be my father. he worked so hard with only one motive, that is, to see all his children attain their full education because where in this world can you survive without any education??? i think he wants a break from all those stressful things that comes with his job. i bet he misses us all too. but because there's 4 of us, he has to work hard and his only motivation is that we're working hard too. cool...now i understand.


i don't want to make any mistakes in my life at this moment because this is my father's hard earned money im playing with. one part of me feels this way but the other is telling not to give up. it's saying im just not facing up to my fears and am giving up without a fight. which is the right voice? which should i listen to??? argh!!!!


I DON'T WANT TO LEARN SOME STUPID THEORY ABOUT THE VAN DER WAALS OR SOME STUPID SHIT!!!! I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT PERFECT COMPETITION OR WHAT MRP THEORY OF WAGE DISCRIMINATION IS!!! WHATEVER!!!! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH THEM ANYWAY!!!! SO MANY F**KING THOERIES!!! WHAT THE F**K LA!!!!!WHY CAN'T LIFE BE STRAIGHT FORWARD??? STUPID COUNTRY WITH ALL IT'S STUPID STRESSES!!! *ROAR*


i don't feel much better man...feel like roaring more. haha...my lion is acting up.


i wonder what is at the nursing course. haha...going to find out about it now.


man...very obvious im running from my problems. argh!!! im sick with this double thinking at the SAME time!!!!


okay. cool, calm, collected. breathe.......


ahhhh....


i don't feel better. sigh.


okay. don't waste time.


blog more next time??


later

Nine Crimes

oh man...


help...


you know, i like damien rice, courtesy of my sister..


would like to take more pictures! wish we had taken more..


anyway..


when we do start over...will we start at gound zero?or will we continue where we left off?


oh man...


shall stop thinking of this kinds of thoughts.


any guys who want me?? anyone?? any guy who's very interested in my character and sincerely wants to know more about me???


haha...just read keshia's blog and she wrote this:


S-A-D = Single And Desperate


haha!! i think im currently in this category..


you know, i always say things to contridict myself. im really trying to curb myself. how?? how?? to stop this problem?? i think im really trying to say what i really think. it's just my thoughts don't have a definate form. they are like water, changing every minute. there's not a time where i really feel strongly about something and will stick to that thought. i think that's bad. this means that i'll be in trouble in the future. that's why when people ask what i think, i have a real big trouble opening my mouth and give what i think. because what i say might not really show how and what i feel about the issue. you know how you have to be careful with words because of the nuances.


which is why i prefer to write down my feelings. which may look to some people as a bit pathetic right..but i really have trouble solidifying my thoughts. i don't know how to think and talk unrashly. argh!! virgo rising clashing with leo sun head on.


wish i can find my balance.


oh man...this damien rice song sounds quite funny. haha...it has lyrics like "i look to my eskimo friend.." and now it has an opera singer singing about eskimos. haha!!! hilarious.


speaking of hilarious, i know im being very mean but it's just so funny!! haha...


the other day at suntec, my sis and i were going home and we were going down the escalator. so there was this woman in front of us. haha....she was wearing this really tight silver spandax 3 quarts which showed the full glory of her bountiful butt.


haha!!!!


it was overflowing man!!! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!


so bad right...i know..i just felt quite embarassed for her but at the same time, a little admiration for her courage. this woman felt confident of her own body enough to wear something SO DARN tight it looks like she wasn't wearing any pants at all. (sorry for the visual) but... i don't know...perhaps it's because im actually conservative at heart..i think one should only wear clothes which makes one look and feel beautiful. very superficial right...can you see the western influence??haha...now i feel so superficial...opps..wait a minute. i am superficial! haha..don't need to feel.


i want to go taiwan or china again with my family. father included. i miss going around feeling like i truly belong in the family. not that i don't feel like i belong now. i mean...the feeling where you don't have to worry about studies...work...and just enjoy being in a big family. you know...eating, sleeping...doing most of everything together..plus having my dad as the tour guide..it's just very fun..no restrictions like going in a tour group will have. it either that or going on a holiday with only a tour guide and a driver. like what my mom, sis, bro and i had when we went beijing 2 years ago.. oh man...how time passes. 2 years already. feels like yesterday. or last year. but no... last year i fell sick. all the way till school reopened. opps...i fell sick when i went beijing too..haha!! such coincidence. let's hope i'll fall sick this year too!! =D


i miss falling sick. serious.


i have been wondering...if i fall sick during my promos and fail it. it'll be such a waste. i don't want to go poly. but i don't mind going la'selle actually. haha...but i don't have much of a portfolio. in fact, i have none. what are my career choices? forensic science just doesn't hold it's appeal anymore. business??possible...but because i want to rebel from my father, i don't know if i really can do business. don't have that entrepreneur spirit. plus. i don't want to do something that's just full of STUPID THEORIES.


all crap. really. ARGH....


the love-hate relationship of being born in singapore. funny cuz i really don't have the desire to stay in this country. alright. if i stay here for the next twenty years, odds of permantly staying are extremely high. especially if i have kids by then. sigh...also, there are the monetory issues..


argh!!!


sigh...


okay...have vomited my thoughts out for today. starting school in less than 48 hours. *shudders*


okay okay..


later =)

Papercut

this is a erm tribute to us. of what it could have been today. if u remember what day is today.

i didn't mean to put my face in the middle. it was unintentional.

remember to study hard! =)

Tiny Little Fractures

i feel enlightened. im glad i called him just now. we have reached a common understanding and for the first time i feel that we can really be friends. that it really is possible.


well we really do love each other. i understand what he is feeling and what he thinks actually...its just...i guess i was still selfish. i really need to grow up man...im glad i took a first step in realising it.


how can i say something but not contridict myself?hmmm...


i love you, erjie. thanks for always being there for me.

Breathing

I just sent him an email not long ago. I feel really pathetic. I wish I can move on. really. I mean I returned him the things he gave me. Sigh. cant seem to concentrate on the things that im supposed to do now, which is work and studies.


I hate this. .Feel it is very irritating. Always hanging on. never letting go. Where is the feeling of finalisation I felt yesterday?


So shitty .


All this because he said he loves me. Argh!!!


Well I love you too okay?


Please reply to the email asap. I need to focus on my work. I can't if this continues.


Thanks!

"From The Inside"


I don't know who to trust no surprise
(Everyone feels so far away from me)
Heavy thoughts sift through dust and the lies


(Trying not to break but I'm so tired of this deceit)
(Every time I try to make myself get back up on my feet)
(All I ever think about is this)
(All the tiring time between)
(And how trying to put my trust in you just takes so much out of me)


[Chorus]
Take everything from the inside and throw it all away
Cuz I swear for the last time
I won't trust myself with you


Tension is building inside steadily
(Everyone feels so far away from me)
Heavy thoughts forcing their way out of me


(Trying not to break but I'm so tired of this deceit)
(Every time I try to make myself get back up on my feet)
(All I ever think about is this)
(All the tiring time between)
(And how trying to put my trust in you just takes so much out of me)


[Chorus]
Take everything from the inside and throw it all away
Cuz I swear for the last time I won't trust myself with you
I won't waste myself on you
You
You
Waste myself on you
You
You


I'll take everything from the inside and throw it all away
Cuz I swear for the last time
I won't trust myself with you
Everything from the inside and just throw it all away
Cuz I swear for the last time
I won't trust myself with you
You
You


this is for the both of us. good luck for your promos.

Broken Promise Ring

i lay my heart out in the open
waiting
anticipating
hoping


now, i take my trampled heart back
to let it heal
so i can be strong again


never will be i hurt like this again.
never.


goodbye augustine.

Pain

hi all...


i did a very stupid thing yesterday. haha...i drank just half a cup of vodka at home and got drunk. haha...okay...and i missed math class. which is now. im going chem later. dont worry...


im having a little hang over now...so stupid right...im not going to get drunk again. not soon anyway...haha...


all i wanted is to feel numb. but instead all my depression surfaced and i felt even worse. that sucks...it was so bad...under alcohol influence..


okay..i promised myself to just blog about ten minutes. it's up. alright..


going bbq later in the evening.


later =)

Invicinble

hi all!!

=) am in the library now (school library). supposedly doing duty. haha...haven't been coming for this whole term and so because we're having a lunch (free!!!pizza and KFC =) ) one pm later, i decided to come early and spend my whole day here! haha...have been here since 7.15am.


library closes at 5.30pm. have counted and will have done 10 periods of duty by then. now im slacking cuz there's nothing to do. gonna wait till later when safia comes. =D


hunger pangs are killing me!! =)


im sure later when i eat i'll just lose all of my appetite. have been having that feeling ever since... haha...but not bad la...can slim down and maybe will attract more guys (just kidding!!). my trusty mp3 have been accompanying me since morning! how time passes when im not doing homework. seriously! it's supposed to the other way round right? haha...i hope energizer doesn't fail me!!


ahh...can't wait for the food. kfc is one of my favourites after all, albiet the unhealthiness of it. maybe it'll bring back my appetite. i think i lost weight! =D cool...


im bored! maybe i'll go find some books to read. saw some VERY interesting ones just now when i was shelving. i never knew we had such a large collection of movies...music cds and documentaries. cool...


alright. blog more next time.


later! =)

This photograph is proof

that was me in raffles city toilet yesterday being a narcissist. ha!!

Losing You

i had fun yesterday!! =) im glad you had too nad..anytime you need me i'll be there. i promise.


also to my girlfriends whom i've pang sei so many times this year..sorry!!

_________________________________________

i talked to him last night on msn. i have no idea how to make out of it. we usually didn't have so little things to talk about. maybe it's because we're not willing to open up? sigh...after i wrote that entry yesterday, i'm suddenly stumped. i don't know what to do next. talk to him? or not? he doesn't give me much encouragement either. i have no idea what he wants. does he really want to talk to me? or is he just merely entertianing me? i wish i can get on with my life....how can i change for the better like this if im always worrying about what he thinks, what he wants, how he feels...what he had been doing for each yesterday...im trying to convince myself that he does miss me and love me but it's difficult because i can't see it. i can't feel it. the only way i can see is that i completely forget about him. but do i want to? i really want him in my life. but how can i pretend that nothing has happened when i talk to him? when i know that there's still hope for the both of us to be together? i have a feeling, no, make that i long to hug him the next time i see him. which is when he returns me the tj notes. now he knows. haha...=! because he reads my blog. maybe you shouldn't return me the notes in person.


actually i knew you'd bring the notes on friday. that's why i had an anxiety attack in the morning. i was too afraid to see and talk to you in person. that's why i didn't go to the canteen during recess so i could avoid seeing you. do you see how pathetic i have been reduced to? i have a self-preservation thing called pride too. okay. i can see where this is leading to. me doing the self-pitying thing. lucky im only typing and can see what im writing so i can change what i am saying. imagine i didn't stop myself...it'll be such i bore and people reading will long to strangle me to death.


actually...what is it that i want you to say? haha...i think the only thing i want to hear from you is "i miss you so much let's get back together." yeah right!! like that will ever happen soon! i think that will probably be what IM going to say. it's raining heavily now. suits my mood. i love heavy rains. hope it doesn't stop soon.


depression. what an easy thing to get into but so difficult to get out of.


ha!! now im wanqi the philosopher. the above statment is like so DUH!.


what am i hoping to get out of blogging everyday?


to get a response? from you? or am simply just lonely and want to seek attention from the people i call my girlfriends? okay. maybe im just seeking the attention of one girlfriend.


am in a state of depression now. cancer in venus acting up.


going to stop now.


going to return to my pathetic leo state, who is pathetically trying to lick his wounds and want to stay hidden due to his immense store of pride.


where is my virgo rising and virgo in mercury when i need you? i need the cold hard bitch demeanor now. only a cold sense of logic and sound thinking can keep me sane. like yesterday. they wrote the last entry. not me. okay what am i talking about..they are all me.


alright. enough is enough.


blog again next time.


later

Scars II

_____________________________________________________

Perhaps you should really move on. Okay. Maybe you'll have stop reading this blog. But this is what i REALLY want to say:

i love you. but im not mature enough to make you happy. Let me grow up. give me a few years. if you still believe in our dream then give me time. Meanwhile, go out and find someone. if you don't want even better. haha...

i won't be looking for someone else. That will be sure. pass your promos and your A level with good results. if we're really what we think we are, s-------s, then we'll be together no matter what right. because no one else will really make us as happy as we did with each other. im sorry i have to keep hurting you.

im gonna save myself for you. im hoping you'll do the same for me. but if it means you getting stuck like this then find someone else to help you move on.

i love you. and i know you love me too. let's stop hurting each other okay? it'll never stop if we go on like this. you're right. you usually are. im not being sarcastic. keep the guitar save for me okay? the day you return to me the guitar means that you have stopped believing.

*hug* can you feel my hug? i hope you can. let's see where this short break leads us to.
_____________________________________________________

Scars

okay. some things are cleared up. he didn't run away like i thought he did. he was late for class. i guess we are still thinking about the same thing. it seemed cowardly that he did that. he's not cowardly. i guess.


my feeling of confidence will only be temporary. wait a few days and you'll see me grappling with the truth. but for now, im determined to stay happy! in bout fifty minutes i will be going out with nad.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAD!! =D

A decade Under The Influence

Today, i was alternating between being extremely happy and extremely sad. i have such extremities. haha...


WHAT am i waiting for? while waiting, im moping around aimlessly, constantly trying not to regret my actions and trying to be strong for myself. is this REALLY worth it?


it suddenly hit me today that i don't know what im waiting for. that happened when i saw him run away from me during bio practical because he was with someone whom i've said i was seriously jealous of yesterday night. well. i was extremely (again) disappointed. i don't know in him or myself. i think he thought i have not seen him yet but i have the moment i stood outside the toilet talking to my sister. and i saw him see me, pick up his bag and run away. from what i wonder? misunderstandings? perhaps i guess. right now i really do feel that this person is much more capable of making him happy than me. plus, this person is tall...what am i driving at? self-pity? haha!!!!i really can't stand myself man...the last few entries have me CONSTANTLY wondering what people will think about me when they read my blog. and so, i've been wondering about the self-pity thing. are you guys iritated already??? =)


after that i was hit by a bout of great depression which i let myself go through...


before that i was in an EXTREMELY (again.haha..) good mood though my heart was down and out. really wondering where all this good mood is coming from. like now, i FEEL GOOD!! haha...
wanna bet that later i won't be able to sleep again like last night? i hope not!


i don't want to waste my messages on you anymore! since you don't want to reply my messages (as expected) and you'd rather run away from me than face me, then what are you worth to me???you didn't even come and talk to me!!!then what the **** were you doing in the classroom when you know im in the lab just a few metres away???and you didn't return me my tj notes. how the **** do you think im going to study???


ha...do i actually want to publish this and say you're worth nothing?....i think i should stop being so impulsive. where's all my logic and sound thinking??? where did all of you go to my wujiwujiwuji??? i know!!! they all went into hiding ever since the EVIL ONE came out and took over the brain!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA..........


now the jedi knights are struggling to keep peace in the O MIGHTY BIG BRAIN and trying to keep the EVIL ONE from taking over the O MIGHTY BIG BRAIN...


(music from star wars) TON TON TON DEN DE-DEN DEN DE-DEN...


haha...clearly shows that music like this can never be written in words by me. bet most of you can't guess what song i was humming in my head??? hahaha!!!


anyway...enough for today. i think i've bitched enough about him. lalala....


write soon. hope later i'll have a VERY peaceful night sleep.


GOOD NIGHT!!!!


may the force be with you...TON TON TON DEN DE-DEN DEN DE-DEN.....

im an ingrate

what's with the title? im amusing mself. well it's written all over augustine's blog. since i've already taken down his blog link, if u can still remember what's his blog address you can go and read it. yesterday i cried the whole day. when i came home from school, after i woke up from my nap and after i read that entry that was a direct blow to my heart. i guess i deserved that. we did talk at last when he decided to entertain me for a while...and i thought we were back together but not together again. so i msged him when i woke up only to find out that he thinks we haven't and he doesn't believe me. ha...i was so close to tearing again.


he no doubtly feels more freedom with his life (from his blog) and no doubtly feels much more happier.


there's a thin line between self-pity and admitting my mistakes. i really don't know where's that thin line.


i thought, with him in my life i can get through jc life easier cuz this is someone i started jc life with for almost 9 months. im really used to the fact that i can look forward to seeing him after school. it's a comfort, i guess, cuz i've never experienced what's it like to have someone you love in the same school. i decided to delete an entry from my blog because it is very childish and augustine don't shouldn't have read that entry cuz i didn't mean what i said (if he still reads my blog anyway). it was written in anger.


im really trying to move on with my life. i really am. i just feel like i lost an anchor in my life. shows how ingrateful i am right? i did take him for granted. now he doesn't want me anymore. so why am i crying? im the one who shouldn't be crying right?


my sister and my brother came to knock some sense into me. what they said really helped. both of them went through the same thing and both of them got over it. when i say same thing i mean they went through what augustine did and the breakup. is this entry full of self-pity? maybe in a few years i'll know.


i have to be strong for myself.


will write soon.

Enjoy the silence.

i decided to do this cuz i read my erjie's blog and saw that she had badly wanted me to do this. so here goes:


3 names you by:


= wanqi
= woonch
= qi


3 screen names you have had:


= april
= wanqi
= wanqi (dnt act much)


3 physical things you like about yourself:


= my eyes
= my breasts (haha!)
= my....hmm...ears? they're special cuz you dnt get the exact replicate or similar ears with other people.


3 physical things you dnt like about yourself:


= my tummy
= my fat butt
= my fat thighs


3 things that scare you


= scaring myself. that's the worst.
= finding any one of my family members dead
= losing my identity as a woman and as myself


3 of your daily essentials:


= wallet
= handphone
= keys


3 things you're wearing right now:


= my favourite op shirt
= my favourite grey shorts which my sister bought for me
= underwear


3 of your favourite bands or musical artistes:


= taking back sunday
= incubus
= lostprophets


3 of your favourite songs:


= ...slowdance on the inside
= lost and found
= there's no 'I' in the team (all by tbs)


3 things you want in a relationship:


= understanding
= companionship
= love


truth or lie:


= im depressed
= im a virgin
= im a waste of God's resources


3 physical things of the preferred sex that attracts you:


= height. i like tall guys. (>1.8m)
= six pecs
= large eyes with double eyelid


3 of your favourite hobbies:


= listening to music
= reading comics
= not studying and not doing my homework


3 things you want to do badly right now:


= move on and change quickly
= pass promos
= study


3 places you want to go on a vacation:


= indonesia
= laos
= vietnam ( these will change in a few days)


3 things you want to do before you die:


= be good at squash
= at least feel a sense of achievement
= have at least 3 boys


3 ways that you are stereotypically a boy:


= im lazy
= im rough
= i always try to pretend im tough


3 ways that you are stereotypically a girl:


= i think i do look like a girl...right???...haha...
= i have breasts
= i whine (alot)


3 male celeb crushes:


= keanu reeves
= ...
= ... (not a big fan of tv)


3 people that i would like to see to take this quiz now:


= augustine
= God
= my doppelganger

Your Own Disaster

hi all...


i am 17. don't feel any difference though...


but one thing im sure is that this is definately the awkwardest stage of my life.


yesterday i played squash at jan's house!! really fun.. Thanks jan!!! for introducing this sport to me. i really like it. thinking of getting a squash racket, a squash ball, court shoes...but before i do that i will have to save up and work. think of quitting printscreen after promos. if possible want to join squash. though people might say things like "oh it's so enclosed" blah blah... i really like playing it. now my butt and lower back are aching!! haha...so weak. no stamina. need to exercise man!! miss the f and c training for pe.


anyway...im currently wasting time. sigh.....


okay..blog next time..


oh! the picture is the beach i went to in hualien, taiwan! haha...


later

Great Romances of the 20th Century

ha!

yesterday's wonderful dinner for augustine's birthday. this was after dinner already. oh i mean we finished desert and were about to leave. we watched a movie after that. guess what we watched? it was fantastic okay!! regardless of what others say. i absolutely loved it. i saw johnie, my ex-crush yesterday with his (on and off?) girlfriend. feel happy for them.

anyway. this is a message for my dearest:

\i hope u had fun yesterday and that u enjoyed dinner and the movie though the ending of the day sucked. it seems we cannot escape that kind of moments. i love u. happy 17th birthday =)\

alright. he has a blog!! so feel free to visit his blog (i think) !!

later

Slow dance on the inside

hey baby hey baby hey!!!

haha...im actually not so jolly now.

have you ever felt like you're gonna faint anytime?like you're constantly falling from a high cliff. that kinda feeling is what im getting now. think it's not enough sleep and my body is not able to adapt as quickly to my sleeping habits. but this has never given me any problems before cuz i've never felt this way before. sigh...

yesterday i think i had a nervous breakdown. i felt constantly close to tears the whole day in school. all because that ... mr wee wanted to talk to me. he is my cca teacher. he asked me why i've not been attending meetings and blah blah blah...i was so sian. i didn't want to talk to him. there's filming today for our advertisement. it's for this competition or something at the ned of this year. i feel so tired and just want to go home and sleep. but if i don't go i feel like im not living up to my words. im not as reliable as before.

during bio tutorial yesterday, i told ms foo that i threw my qn 2 tutorial away because it was too messy. she asked if i had a problem and i said yes, im a neat freak. haha...she said that my handwriting was like...so how can i be a neat freak? later in class she talked to me and she said that i shouldn't be so bothered about my writing. i don't know why but when she talked to me about this i felt like crying. pms maybe? it's been 4 days. delayed i mean. stress? can't totally blame it on that right? i didn't use to allow myself to use the stress word on myself. i think i should continue to feel that cuz i just keep falling back to that word whenever i feel tired, whatever. i think i got an F for chem again. okay make that im sure i have a F for my chem test. i didn't really study fro that test. sigh. I DON'T WANNA FAIL PROMOS!!!!!

my relationship with augustine has become strained. i seldom talk to him now and we only go out once a month. he's no longer allowed into my house because my mom dislikes him. i think this has happened largely because of me. i should have done lots of things but i didn't and am still not doing. nowadays i get quite irritated at him. like this morning. it must be because i can't seem to put a smile to my face or something. he saw me and didn't smile too. he asked me what's wrong and i said nothing. then he asked me if i wanted mentose. i said no. he insisted and broke off a bit of it. that was when i got irritated. sigh...............argh!!!!

sometimes i feel like commiting suicide, which is immensly ridiculous.

hope this can all change for the better.

blog more next time.

later.

Number five with a bullet

HEY PEOPLE!!!!

haha...finally felt like updating. okay here are the updates on my life:

1) im stressed.

2) IM SO INTO TAKING BACK SUNDAY

3) I keep seeing this guy in school. ask jan man! right right????jan???

4) I failed my midyears totally. Got a OOFF. haha...

5) Im still with my wonderful boyfriend though we like to quarrel almost everyday of the week. it's kinda like our favourite pastime.

6) Im going out with yiyun this friday cuz it's HER BIRTHDAY!!! YAY!!!

7) On MY birthday, im gonna have 2 CAs. One before school and one after school. yay.

8) my form teacher dislikes me. i can tell. i think. okay. being too paranoid.

9) i dislike my cca. never has it been this bad before. i mean my dislike for any of my ccas. there are only 8 people in it. whoowee.

10) I'm staying back every tues to do math (with the exception of today and next week.)

11) i'm gonna fail my bio test which i had today. sigh...

12) i got very motivated by what my principal Ms Lai said last friday.

13) it's very late.

14) i can't wait for holidays.

okay. more next month or when i feel like blogging. haha...tata...

later.

oh oh!!! i miss u all my wonder friends!!!

oh oh oh!!! i love u dearestsweetiepiewhichtastesandsmellssogood!!!!

salted dew

hello its about 1 hour since she left the airport...
im in front of the com now...all tired...
cant wait for you to get back dear.
argh.
argh
argh!

Slow Dance On The Inside

i'm leaving for taiwan today!!

now the time is 7.47am. We're are leaving home at 10am. know why i'm up so early? because i want to have breakfast with my darling wee cheng!

okay.

i'll miss him so much.

feel free to write to in my blog okay dear?

love u!!

blue and yellow

Surprise!
August here again.its very late in the night.or.early morning.cos i just finished my homework,and looking around.thought i could drop by.
In a while you shall be leaving Singapore.argh!what am i supposed to do?help!
nah la im kidding.i'll make it.i'll make it.
oh yeah, lucid flair's(the band) gonna make it.
what a nice time we had today.other than the part where you stomped off cos i knew too much.wasnt my fault...(shrug) : )
hey...maybe you are playing ps2 now.like yesterday.where you slept so late. and you "will sleep early k?" familiar?havent counted that debt yet. arhaha. you're mine.
ok.
gotta go prepare some stuff.stuff that i know.and you dont.or you would know.
the man

Tell All Your Friends You're So Last Summer

haha...the title which i don't think most people will notice, has nothing to do with august. i want a Taking Back Sunday album (HINT).

Later i'll go refund my wasted tickets for the kylie minouge concert with my dearie. <---sounds so weird. hearing myself call my boyfriend this in public.

anyway. since sunday is the first day of the week, i'll like to quickly reflect on last week.

Last week was the most explosive week of my life. lots of quarrels with my beloved. in fact, we just quarrelled on friday. on charlyn's birthday. okay. let's just say we quarrelled everyday last week except sunday, monday and saturday.

i was teary from tuesday till friday. so much tears. sorry i hurt you my dear. sigh.

hope it'll not happen again till maybe 3 months later?

okay. lunch is ready. can already smell the tempting aroma of fish, soup, duck...

man. can't stand it.

oh!! i wanna say a quick I LOVE YOU GIRLS to the girls in my class! especially to charlyn, steph, jan, cherlyn, gracelyn...okay...all the girls.

later then! =)

Slow dance on the inside

the new template looks cute.

yay!

haha...

later.

Blue and Yellow

hello everyone!!

=)

in quite a good mood now...my father's coming back tonight cuz he needs a vacation. oh the song title is a song by the used. my brother got the song from he's friend and it's really good!!!very nice...

oh i wanna thank wei zheng for writhing in my blog. haha...i realised htat my previous entry sounded so erm...well...i feel like i'm reading a 14 year old girl's blog. man... maybe i'm really like a 14 yr old. haha...

oh!! just now when i was making a drink for my mom, there was a fly irritating me. so i tried to kill it. but when i slammed my hand onto the counter, guess what happened.







MY RING BROKED!!!!!

sigh...i told wei zheng already...he said he'll buy me another ring (:

so sad!!!

okay. i have many unfinished business to do. haha...

procrastinating as usual.

anyway. i realise that i don't really like to type so much. feel like changing my blog skin. maybe i'll do that now.

later

i believe in a thing called love

1. there's a change of dimensions:its not Wanqi here>>its augustine.yeah.her boyfriend. :*)
   

i'm here on request,as she is in the bus on the way to meet up with nicole for a birthday dinner. but its not her birthday today. it was two days ago.but both of them were so busy they couldnt meet up... JC. Junior College. hectic life. > the path for > (1) the true blue muggers (2) the really smart people who look like they goof around the whole day and get A's for their assignment and tests. maybe they mug late into the night where no one sees them and lives on pure powdered illegal caffeine.the kind in a tube you have to suck on.one tube gives about 6 hours of no sleep.but depends on tube size,too. a 3 inch one gives only four hours..(oops*)
anyway,this is my first time writing on a blog!yay! i wanna thank her for giving me this chance.in fact,during the times i spent with her, i learnt and tried lots of new things! like chicken innerts. i remember the first time i went to buy chicken rice for her,she wanted this thing called "gian". so i gave her a "huh?" face more twisted than elvis' hair. and she gave me a look of pure alienation.a true gothic motiff. i went to buy her the thing,and saw that gray piece of thing.very wierd.she ate it,i didnt dare. but i ate it all the same and fell in love with it.
i really want to thank you,my dear>for what? for every single thing you did for and to me,

and apologize to her family for taking so much of her time away from them.wont do it as much :*(
gotta go!maybe if im allowed to i'll write an entry as large as my affection for her. wait.that cant be possible. there isnt enough memory on the internet to accomodate it.
:)
augustine

mother's day dinner!!! =) 

Take Me Away

hi everyone.

sorry i took so long to write an entry. right now, im procrastinating. i don't wanna do my home work or study. so here i am wasting my precious seconds and regretting every passing time.

just to have a quick update.

im now taking 4 A level subjects- bio, chem, math, econs. im still with wei zhen. and im really sorry to all my friends whom i've promised to meet up but have yet to do so. im really sorry. time really passes. this is now the 2nd of may. pretty soon it'll be my promos. the deciding factor of my next year.

im failing all my tests at this moment in time. feeling quite fussed up. feel like being left alone. i know i can't just put everything aside and just concentrate on my studies and my relationship but it's just so tempting. right now, wei zhen is the only one that really KNOWS me. and i him. i know it's early but i feel im going to be with him for quite a long time. so far there has yet to be a major quarrel that we cannot overcome. we talk like there's no end. both of us, we're like really fitting. there're so many things that we both like and dislike. we even think alike. perhaps 3 months later when it's over i'll feel like a fool having wrote this, feeling so cocky and sure of my future. but i hope when it is over, i'll not regret every second of being with him.

okay. enough of him. let's go on bout my class. my class is mainly girls. there are 6 boys. i am currently the chairman of the class. or rather, the chairwoman. the class makes me feel like im in a girl's school but it's really fun. right now, im doing most of my things with 2 other girls. they are charlyn and alethea. they're really cool.

alright. now it's 10.15. better get going.

i wanna DIE!!!!!!

right.

later.