drive

i went to town with nad today to kinda celebrate her birthday cuz we're not doing on sunday anymore.


okay. what comes next is going to be pretty funny. if you are the sick type of person. hor sinyi?? hahaha..*winks*


so nad and i went to swensens, right, and it was raining. then when i went in, i went "whoa! SHIT!!!" hahaha...and i fell down right in front of everyone. i hope no one saw my underwear man...cuz i was wearing a short skirt. at least there were some pretty cute waiters who helped me. haha..gosh...SO embarassing. i dont want to blame it on the heels i was wearing cuz they my one and only! haha..only one inch high but still enough to let my feet feel like crap.


hmm...cant wait for this major block of my life to be over.

running with the devil

okay. so that wasn't what i felt when i went back. i was analysing why i was so eager to just get the hell of that school. if there was ever a time of feeling claustrophobic, it just happened.


i dont know. i think i NEVER, EVER want to go back there again. EVER.


i dont know what i have against that school but never again do i want to walk through those gates and see all those people who had played a role in my life for 4 years in one way or another. they probably dont remember me anyway.


i think i have a problem. and that is to run away from my problems. haha..ironic isn't it? that essentially, this is a problem and im going to keep on doing it. whatever. im not making any sense. i need to shop, buy vcds and spend the rest of my life envying people on tv when i know they all work damn hard to get there.

happy birthday...to...me... =)

i was reeally touched today by steph, char, cher and gl. they bought me a cake and celebrated my birthday with me right in the CANTEEN during lunch!!!


thank you!!! STEPHANIE, CHARLYN, CHERLYN, GRACELYN!!! i love you girls!! =)


haha..i totally didn't expect this la! but it really made my birthday more special. steph even asked my brother the kind of cake i like la! :)) haha..was surprised he knew. hahahaha..


met up with mygreatlove yesterday and had a great time. she flew off to bangkok today. so jealous..i want SHOPPING! thanks for the great gift babe!


also, my darling sinyi gave me a VERY special gift. weird she says. haha..but totally unexpected too..just like what my erjie gave me. thank you girl. for putting so much thought into my gift. i can assure you i LOVE it.


erjie!! I LOVE YOU! :) cant wait for exams to finish now. cuz i want to try to make sushi!!! :)


heh...wanted to dedicate just 15min.


i want to thank everyone who remembered that it is my birthday today. :) your wishes made my day brighter and better!


okay. i left the com for about an hour cuz nad came!! with a cake!! thanks babe..and i didn't mind listening!! not at all. :)


such a wonderful day. :) thanks everyone!! hope all of you can feel my love.

i try

celebrated my birthday with my family today.


:) i do love them. they are the best.


opened my presents already though it's not my birthday yet. got hysterical halfway through. haha...it's because...i received a...


PHONE!!!!!


from my dad. hahahahahahaha.....it's the model i wanted..then after that i received a world of Japan from my sister. haha..literally. i love you babe! i love what you gave me! shall find time to use it though. my mom gave me shoes! and haha..a chopping board from ikea. it's a pretty special board. heh..my brother bought me a pair of shoes. haha..think it wasn't originally meant for me but he still gave them to me so i guess he's pretty sweet. haha..dajie bought me a shirt. thanks babe.. :)


this year's birthday was made meaningful by my family. did i say already how much i love them? :)







okay. i admit. i gained weight. shit. haha..

new phone!! :) not sold anywhere in s'pore.

the girls and i.

a moment of hysterics. there are many. haha..

i just wanted to add that im finally over c. that national day was my "yi qi yi yue". im actually really glad. feel like a load had slid off my shoulders. im going to throw away another load off my shoulders soon. in another 8 days. cant wait. :) FEEL SO GOOD!!!

Falling In Love is Hard on the Knees

national day is approaching and so is a c's birthday. sigh...this isn't an issue la..just feel a little troubled. it's that feeling where you're not sure what will happen though some part of you tells you that NOTHING is going to happen and whatever rational thought you possess is most likely to be correct.


sigh...


anyway. lately i seemed to be very easily troubled by things that shouldn't even matter. how i wish for gracelyn to be her old self. i miss her. but i don't know how to tell her that the straight-forward and independent gracelyn is what i want and not the girlish-voiced soft-spoken gracelyn. but then again this is about what i want so i recognise that the notion in itself is a bit wrong. but sitting beside her everyday during class is getting to be a little torturous and im afraid my irritation is going to show all over my body language and she is quite apt in picking these sort of feelings up. im afraid she's going to be very hurt if i keep this up. but my patience is running near to its limit.


i watched the lake house with my sis yesterday. it was a nice story. my sister and i were crying at the end of the movie. haha..but that's probably because we're pretty ardent fans of keanu and sandra. it's really sad how my keanu has to become old and his skin is starting to sag...*sob*
but. he's still number in MY book!!! for many many reasons. haha..most of them have to do with my preference of guys. he's sort of the benchmark. haha..pretty high for a benchmark huh..almost unattainable because there can only be ONE keanu in the world who is SO SO SO GORGEOUS!!!!!


gushing aren't i. okay. haha..shall stop.


so..okay. national day is c's birthday so i shall see whether or not i'll regret on the 10th. aya im not going to do anything drastic la..haha..i don't think i have the guts to.


oh ya..this video below is WACKED!! pretty cool. aerosmith still but the boy in the video is non other than the boy from the movie terminator 2! that very very very cute guy. *grins*



Aerosmith - Livin' on the edge

eat the rich

it just occurred to me that steve tyler looks amzingly like our very first common ancester. haha..okay..that was mean. but he really has stage presence and a VOICE. there can never be another band like that anymore. so sad..i wonder what would music be like in the next 20 years? i mean we saw the revolution of rock music in the last 2 decades or so and now we are possibly moving into a new revival of punk and all that 'bad-boy' music. then again, im just speculating. haha..


it's amazing to see how these bands create songs that are so unique to them huh..like pink floyd, acdc, U2..and almost all their songs that are produced are nice. wonder where they get all their inspiration from. "some people are born great and others have greatness trust upon them" <- don't know if this is correct. haha..i think im none of the above. im one who is a follower of the great. haha..someone has to work for the great in order for the great to be great right? haha..so why not me? perhaps in that way im going to be great. HAHA!! just joking.


i love aerosmith! give me another week. haha..



Aerosmith - Janie's got a gun

Okay. So i now have some rekindled feelings for aerosmith. haha..am now in that mood where almost all their songs are nice to me. hence the videos.


Dont know why but the songs make me feel very nice and hence i think this is why every once in a while i'll go back to them. They are the best.


AEROSMITH ROCKS!!!


oh ya!


Happy 18th birthday my great love!!
:) you know who you are.



Aerosmith - Full Circle

Aerosmith - Angel

pink

during gp period today, we watched a documentary from the national geographic (gosh, i love that channel!) about women suicide bombers, examining the reasons about what drives them to such measures.


throughout the period i experienced a rollar-coaster of emotions and i almost burst out crying for them. it was really sad to see and feel (through the eyes of the lisa ling, the beautiful and brave NGC journalist) what some of the palastinian and russian women were and are going through. it was relatively surprising to know that it is not religion but social injustice and war that drove them to becoming a suicide bomber.


if there ever comes a time when singapore comes into conflict with another country and deaths occur almost everyday, i imagine i too will become a suicide bomber if i was really really desperate. in this context i mean seeing my friends die innocently, my family members die one by one...i can imagine that i will feel so angry and helpless that i would resort to this just to make a statement.


after watching the video, i sort of understand more about the anguish and the desperation of people living in war torn countries, though i know i will never fully understand the extent of their emotions because how can i if im watching the video comfortably in an air-conditioned classroom? but i don't know what to do with this knowledge that i have acquired today. do i just store it away neatly into a compartment in my brain or do i appreciate the Singaporean life more? im feeling a little troubled by this because i feel that by going about my usual business in life is just too cruel.


it was really shocking as an outsider to know that martyrdom is celebrated and being one is equal to being a celebrity in Palastine. even mothers push and encourage their children to be martyrs. on average 18 Palastinians die every week.


this knowledge is all very depressing and quite heavy. what can i do? perhaps this feeling is just temporary. but don't you think it's alarming how quickly we can forget that people elsewhere are suffering and put it away from our minds like it has never happened before? okay. i sound very dramatic.


how is it possible that i was born into such a good family and a good country while there are millions of others who have to experience such hardship? it is simply not fair. it feels so extreme. that a girl my age is probably preparing to bomb herself up right now at this moment to kill others. so extreme..


sigh..i..just need to let this out of my chest. i know it will be a never-ending story if i carry on like this. so i'll stop now.

dont give up

another 3 weeks..


i cant believe it's august already. it's almost a year. another 3 weeks and it would be. how time passes.


and it's supposed to be my favourite month of the year. haha..oh well..


it's amazing to know that i am merely one of the 6,532,130,817 people living in this world but my fate is so much better than that of some. An estimated 600m children live in absolute poverty. Every year more than 10 million children die of hunger and preventable diseases. Over 1 billion people live on less than 70p a day with nearly half the world's population - 2.8 billion - surviving on less than twice that amount.


i am lucky to be alive.


don't give up
'cause you have friends
don't give up
you're not the only one
don't give up
no reason to be ashamed
don't give up
you still have us
don't give up now
we're proud of who you are
don't give up
you know it's never been easy
don't give up
'cause I believe there's the a place
there's a place where we belong

simple starving to be safe

im going to do some updating about the last concert i went to, which was the coldplay concert. okay...it's been a little bit too long for update, only about haha..3 weeks ago..which is quite recent. =)

standing tix area filled with angmohs. no other words to describe them. haha..the rich of our country.

anyway, i didnt want to talk about it because perhaps i was a little disappointed with the concert. i mean..nothing wrong with the band. they are coldplay after all..what can you expect a depressing british band to do when they actually do a concert? nothing. nothing, really. just "how're all of you doing? great?" a couple of times..jumping around the stage lost in his own world..

the start of the concert

i really felt restrained by the seats and the railings. i guess in a way my sister and i are lucky. we got a seat that was directly at the bottom of the rows, very very near the standing tix area and the stage so in a way we paid slightly a little lesser for more. but still.

chris martin singing one of their famous songs - i forgot what it was. haha..

i think i would rather save that bit of money (or rather, that precious money that is not at all a little) next time if a band i like decides to do an INDOOR concert where everyone would be SEATED. sigh..do you know how it feels? you're in a bloody concert for goodness sakes! you're suppose to stand and enjoy yourselves! not pay $150 just to take a seat! it was like standing and dancing to the music was a crime in the seating area.

see the number of blondes? haha..

okay. in some songs i did stand and sway to the music but the restrain got to me i guess..sigh..what a memorable concert.

yellow

i cant wait for this stupid exam to be over. i never want to touch economics or chemistry in my life ever again. unless it's just for fun and i wont get tested for learning more about them. dont you think tests and exams just takes away the fun of learning? it makes learning a tiresome chore. screw all that shit about the purpose of exams. but then again, it's just me. i like learning because helps me understand life so much more. but somehow exams just...sigh..maybe it's because im scared to take the exams because i dont know if i can ace it.


i wonder if my fighting spirit will appear anytime soon.

are you in?

i saw the vp this morning with my mom. it made a pretty big impact on me. i just hope it will last. i love my mom. im so thankful that it is she who gave birth to me and not anyone else. makes me wonder if my future daughter will think the same as i. haha..

my heart and my head

feelings are in packed in a box
ready to burst at the seams.
excuses enough to fill an entire universe
hang loosely on my mouth.
everyday feels like a struggle.
maybe that too, is an excuse i give to myself.


my future is uncertain.
i like being in control. at least of myself.
now i have two beings in me.
voices in my head neverending.
seems like my heart and my head think
like they are from totally different planets.


i think i have a problem.
but who knows?
maybe im just really crazy.
and maybe it is as simple as that.
another excuse.

love song

today wasnt so bad. =) yay..feel good baby!


haha..wasting time again..wonder how am i going to make the jump. miracle is going to happen.


oh im going to try a bigger font. am not going to change blog for now..dnt think i have time to create and personalise..

heard that sound

maybe it's just me pms-ing. but i think i'd like to have a change of location. you know..change everything and start a new one.


this blog represented the change from teen to young adult to..God knows where.


point is, im ready to let go of the past.


sigh...just felt like doing so.

goldie

i was feeling very wu liao and so i went to search my name just to see what came up. it was SO weird to see people with the same name as i writing lIkE THis. haha..and there is this famous(?) artist named zhang wanqi. her art pieces are quite nice.


hmm...i guess there is a whole new world out there.


i was thinking about my dajie and how we have never really talked. was looking at her friendster profile and i realised that her real character and person is far from what she usually shows us, or perhaps, me. many people who meet her generally like her. she is a person very hard to dislike. it's just quite a shocking realisation that i dont know who this person i've grown up with is. i have yet to see her from a "peer" point of view. i guess the same will go for her. she doesn't really know me and my brother and i think she finds it very hard to see us in a different light other than "ah qi" and "ah boy". but should we just blame this on age difference? 7 and 6 years apart for my brother and i respectively. i dont know. perhaps this will be better as time passes. when all of us are in our twenties and have more or less gone through the stage of maturing. who knows? maybe my sister will still view us as her little siblings and can never confide in us about her personal life. that's quite sad. hope it doesn't turn out that way.

the scientist

yay! had fun today. haha..


finally took some pictures.

run

sigh..at least now i have tried and have failed so i know what i should do next time..hmm.. nevermind.


god will punish those who did harm to others and justice will prevail, someway or another. that's the idealist in me. haha..


now i just have to find a way to let go of my anger.


i have been dreaming alot these days. of people in my past and of people in my present. somehow there's still some part in me that cannot seem to let go of that past and those memories that had meant something. my head and body had since moved on into the future but my heart is still living in the past, so it seems. i wonder what i have to do to finally be able to free myself completely. the hurt and anger and strong emotions still live on, directed unfairly onto a person. perhaps what i need is more time. frankly, who am i kidding? a year is just not enough to get over things. especially when everything is still in close proximity. another reason for nov 17 to come. haha..


i guess with each passing day these emotions will be buried deeper and deeper in my heart till one day i can no longer feel them because they are so far away from my conscious mind. let's hope till that day comes, i never have to see or hear about ac again. sigh..because if i do it just brings me back onto square one of every new phase.


maybe i'll feel better after i publish this post.


tomorrow is a new day! :)

run

sigh..at least now i have tried and have failed so i know what i should do next time..hmm..


nevermind. god will punish those who did harm to others and justice will prevail, someway or another. that's the idealist in me. haha..


now i just have to find a way to let go of my anger.


i have been dreaming alot these days. of people in my past and of people in my present. somehow there's still some part in me that cannot seem to let go of that past and those memories that had meant something. my head and body had since moved on into the future but my heart is still living in the past, so it seems. i wonder what i have to do to finally be able to free myself completely. the hurt and anger and strong emotions still live on, directed unfairly onto a person. perhaps what i need is more time. frankly, who am i kidding? a year is just not enough to get over things. especially when everything is still in close proximity. another reason for nov 17 to come. haha..


i guess with each passing day these emotions will be buried deeper and deeper in my heart till one day i can no longer feel them because they are so far away from my conscious mind. let's hope till that day comes, i never have to see or hear about ac again. sigh..because if i do it just brings me back onto square one of every new phase.


maybe after i publish this everything will feel better. just like it always does.


tomorrow will be a new day! :)

im feeling very angry because there are people who are so shallow and yet can say things like "dont judge me and i wont judge you" when THEY are the ones who take people and everything else at skin level.


i know there will always be people like that. but dont you ever dare mess with any of my siblings.


bitch.

trouble

i get more excited each day the coldplay concert draws nearer. what? exams? no, fuck exams! haha..no la..im just kidding.


just want exams to be OVER and DONE with. (haha..erjie i remembered okay..)


why cant it be done and over with? it sure sounds nicer! haha..


today is the last day of the june hoildays for me though for some it's already exam day today. oh well.


NOVEMBER SEVENTEENTH!!!!!


cant wait. :D

high and dry

Two jumps in a week I bet you think that's pretty clever don't you boy
Flying on your motorcycle
Watching all the ground beneath you drop
You'd kill yourself for recognition
Kill yourself to never ever stop
You broke another mirror
You're turning into something you are not

Don't leave me high
Don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high
Don't leave me dry

Drying up in conversation
You will be the one who cannot talk & all your insides fall to pieces
You just sit there wishing you could still make love
They're the ones who'll hate you when you think you've got the world all sussed out
They're the ones who'll spit at you
You will be the one screaming out

Don't leave me high
Don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high
Don't leave me dry

It's the best thing that you ever had
It's the best thing that you ever had
The best thing that you've had has gone away

So don't leave me high
Don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high
don't leave me dry
---------------------------------------------------------


i hate periods. and for a good reason too.


in this time frame, all the emotions that i've pushed down deep into the dark abyss of my heart gets pushed up right to the surface making me feel ultra depressed. i hate this feeling but i know it is inevitable. it is irritating. all the things i dont want to feel, all the things i dont want to think about, all the past memories that should stay forgotten and erased for good, all comes rushing up to the surface because of some natural occurance called menstruation.


i know this will pass in a few days but i've been thinking of and missing c a lot. haha..am in my desperate reminising mood. i dont want to think or miss him because i know it's going to be completely one-sided and that makes me feel like a fool. like some stupid girl who got easily cheated of because she is so gullible. it is during this period of time when i feel like escaping to someplace where everything is strange and unfamiliar so i can forget the past and start another future.


i know i'll be fine. i just hate the process of getting there.

as time goes by

this song title is very apt huh. haha..maybe i got the title wrong. but if you're a fan of the oldies maybe you can tell me if im right.


anyway. holidays make me become a lazy person. yes. it is relaxing. but prolonged periods will permanently make me chronologically lazy. help!!!!


sigh..

chocolate

i guess now snow patrol is popular. it's quite sad actually. haha..but that should be the wish of every band right? to make wonderful music that people around the world can enjoy. otherwise, why even form a band, right?


i bought coldplay's concert tickets with my sis (she's back! :)) this afternoon and the free standing tix are all SOLD OUT. it's a little disappointing, especially since i was prepared to pay for the price. but yeah. things dont always go your way in life.


my com is actually not fixed yet so im now at the library. was cycling actually.


anyway, i wanted to type a quote from a man who works as one of the housekeepers of the houses of the rich and famous in barbados whom i saw on tv. here's what he said," the people...they are obsessed with making money. because once you earn a lot of money, you cannot stop making more money. i dont want to be like that. i'd rather earn a little money and be happy."


something about what he said left a deep impact on me. and i guess it's true. anyone who lives in a material world wants to earn lots of money. but once you reach that status, then what? stop working? leave whatever you worked so hard for and slow down the pace of your life? i think once you reach the stage of being wealthy, you never want to stop being wealthy. that is why you become obsessed with staying wealthy. that's sad.


okay. will blog more next time.

yellow (part 2)

i just found out that BAYBEATS and coldplay are going to be in the SAME WEEK!!!


ROCK ON!!!!!


(hahahahahahahahahaha...........)

yellow

my computer had been down for the past 2 days thanks to me. sorry man.


i was looking at my blog page in the explorer and realised that it looks very ugly. haha..dont understand. it looks just the way i want it to look in mozilla. but anyway. my mom got junxiong to help (sorry shaun!! >.<). took him hours to get it right on track.


anyway.


I WANT TO GO TO THE COLDPLAY CONCERT!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I AM GOING TO BE THERE REGARDLESS OF WHATEVER SHIT THAT MIGHT COME UP!!!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


haha..


cant for nov 17 baby!!

three simple words

fuck off bitch.


these words are really simple huh..haha..conveys everything i want to say to shitmon and msdh.


anyway.


there are three videos from comedy central for sinyi :) haha..


yesterday i went to MacRichie reservior with kids from a student care centre with steph, cher and gl. it was fun but damn tiring. it was kind of a LONG day. haha..


did i say how thankful i am to have met sinyi? =D i love you babe!

just another day

im going to put some dane cook videos in this entry. he's very funny. =)

dont call me peanut

i dont like to say im stressed but i think for the first time i am. my heart cant stop feeling a slight twinge of panic at the thought of everything, if you provoke me a little i think i'll cry, i feel like there is something heavy resting atop my heart and that makes my breathing a little difficult. i feel like sighing at every breath i take.


170 days till school is REALLY over. no more exams. i REALLY cant wait for 170 days to be over. everything will be better. everyday will be brighter. after these 170 days.


i know this feeling is just temporary. but till it's over, forgive me if i sound like some whiny kid who cant get her act together. i know i will get over this feeling and stop whining. hopefully by tomorrow. haha..i realised that usually after confessing about some feelings in my entries i will not feel that way again.


i cant carry people's problems on my shoulders. im sorry but i cant. i wish there is something i can do to make people feel better when they're down but i tend to get sucked into their darkness and it's really a struggle for me to get out. i guess there are people out there who can handle all this but that person is not me. it saddens me to know that i cant do much. perhaps im not mature enough to handle this. or maybe i just need to learn how to separate these feelings. perhaps the latter is what i need.


i can do it! yatta! haha..


i guess im really an introvert. haha..because self-motivation helps.


okay. unloaded some baggage. am actually wasting time because i should be at the library now. oh well.

hello shitty

today was the gp exam. it was okay. i didnt really do much for the exam and i just wanted to see what would be the result of it. haha..if i do well then i wont have to worry so much for prelims and A level i guess. NOT!!! haha..i dont think i'll do well so yeah. just finding excuses to not study.


anyway.


i was thinking about it just now. one of those moments when you have absolutely nothing on and you're just waiting for time to pass. i was wondering when did i have my "most happiest" moments with which guy whom i dated. it's not with asscrap. which was kind of surprising actually. because i had my "most happiest" moments with c. i now know approximately what kind of guy whom i'll like to date. haha...but i dont think they'll want to date me.


before i go into that sappy mode, i just want to announce to the world (or rather to the people who do read my blog..haha..) that im hooked on intestines. haha..it's not THAT intestines okay. it's inedible. i now watch it every night. pathetic right!!! yes. go ahead and laugh (for those who know what intestines means to me). the person who dislikes slow, irritating and predictable plots is hooked on THE epitome of slow, irritating and predictable plots.


hmm...being around a guy like hoting makes me wish i am attached. sigh.


IT'S OKAY!!! haha..


i bought two pairs of shoes last saturday when i went out with gracelyn. one classic slip on from vans and a pair of wedges!!! =) retail therapy does make me feel better. even if it's just for a short while.


wish the major exam is over. everyday i go through at least once the mantra of wishing the major exam is over. i know this just makes each day past slower but saying the mantra makes me wish for it even more and hence it's a never ending cycle. sigh...


enough sighing for one day. till next time.