Failure is Relative

:) I feel quite proud of myself. Hee~


After 2 failed relationships, I have managed to change myself for the better. That's more important than anything isn't it? I'm glad I have moved on from pointing my finger at everyone except myself to trying not to point at all. HAHA...It has taken some conscious effort. But I could not have done this with those guys and the people who comes along with these guys.


I really want to thank asscrap and willie. For making me a better person. :D And, of course, find someone better. Or perhaps, more compatible is the phrase to use.


I'm afraid to think too much about the future for now. But now that the number "8" isn't a barrier to me now, the word "Future" is. Everything feels right so far. What a wonder huh.


不知不觉，我们走了比我想像地更远。

希望我们可以一直这样地走下去。


I think using firefox will make the chinese characters look glued together. sigh..18 days left.......

12 days to exams :: 22 days to Beijing

i've been watching alot of anime lately while studying at the same time. hahaha..


i really like some of the theme songs. :D chrno crusade is really "sukoyi". hahaha..don't know how to spell that word.


ahh...


i am finally at the month of April. my sister and i have awaited impatiently for this month during the month of march.


i can't wait for 25 Avril. hmm..i'm soon approaching the longest relationship i have EVER had. hope this will be the last. hahaha...


im feeling happy. for the longest time ever. (: that's a first.

I just watched the 15min short film "Fitna" by the Netherlands MP Geert Wilders.


What can I say about it..


Don't waste your time to search and watch it though one can easily do it. It is (in my asian perspective) just another westerner pretending to know it all. The video is just..a whole load of rubbish. It is basically just demonstrating extremism practiced by only a small percentage of the religion and then denouncing the whole religion just because of this small percentage. This guy took qoutes from people and twist them so that it creates the message that he wants people to see.


He is just another attention seeker.


Seriously.

i love the movies from Studio Ghibli. If you don't know them, they are the producers of Spirited Away, Howl's Moving Castle, The Cat Returns and Princess Monoke. I just watched Princess Monoke and I found myself at the edge of my seat wondering about what is going to happen next. Stupid Americans will never be able to reproduce what the Japanese have done. Wish they would just give up.


Do go and watch. These movies are actually animated in case you really don't know..and they are really really good..good and meaningful messages are hidden within each stories, using characters and strange-looking things to express them. I seriously admire these people who are incredibly creative.


I am in awe actually...I feel so moved by the stories..Go search online or watch it somewhere. It's really good..although some people will find it boring, but if you are like me and you go for the creativity and freshness of it all (from all those 100% copied storylines you have seen over and over again), go watch these movies..you won't regret it. (:

i just read finish the latest chapters of bleach and naruto..so sad...sigh..i love these two stories very much man..they really do keep things rather interesting. especially since one can read the translated versions of the manga in english! haha! and they are quite accurate! im deeply impressed. 

it has been a long holiday..as the days draw closer to the day i can see kp, i can't help but wish that the days will pass faster..sigh..it has been rather trying for me..and for him too i believe. sigh...

Funny Feeling

I have been having a funny feeling lately...although I don't know what...suddenly i have lost interest in lots of things...


i no longer look forward to phonecalls or msn...choosing if i can, to avoid them..sigh....


another thing..Im addicted to stupid fluffbook! shit..how untimely..sigh...


how? how to get out of phone calls? hmm...dno why am i having this funny feeling...


Had a presentation and a role-play today..sort of wished i had done better. sigh...


what a depressing entry...

Entrée dans Française

Bonjour!


C'est une entrée dans française! Je suis à maison. Oui, c'est une situation embarrassant.


Au Revior.


HAHAHA...i wanted to say something in french but it looks horrible!!! shucks.

Courage, Fear and Insecurities

Everything is resolved..I'm seriously happy..


How easy is it to forget the real reason for being together when one is reminded all of a sudden, the fear, the anger and the frustration.


How I need the courage...to not to drop everything and just run away from it all.


How I need to open my eyes and ears to other people's emotions instead of swimming in my own.


I need...time. But I'm afraid I won't be given the chance. I'm afraid of another loss. I'm afraid to go through all that again. That this is just another ground-hog day. I'm so glad I found the right guy this time round..


Courage...That is all I need. I need to be stronger.

if i could sum up whatever im feeling right now in one word, i will say i am feeling so reluctant.


i wish to be straightforward and tell people off, but im afraid i'll come across as being difficult and rigid. i just told someone off without much thinking and now im wondering if i did the right thing. could i have kept my cool and said something else that is less hurting?


so reluctant to call and make up because. disappointment. such a big word to use. big because of the weight it carries.


so disappointed...yes, i am.


to tell you the truth, i don't really know why am i putting it off. i know i need to make that phone call because it is essential.


no, don't worry. it's nothing serious...


am i being overly dramatic? am i in the wrong? am i wrong to act and feel like this? is this called self-pity?


sigh.....i just don't want to face nor handle this. it is so...stupid? so trivial? so hurtful...


ahh...this entry is so laced with self-pity. sigh...just ignore this entry..i'll figure it out sooner or later...

Jealousy

Such a sensitive word to use huh..


I guess until I am completely and utterly comfortable with myself and my own body, I will be using this word, consciously or not.


I think I am halfway there, being comfortable with who I am and such..But there is that other half that isn't and that half is THE bitch that is crying out every time a non-human being walks past. Haha..okay. A (in my point of view) better looking/more shaped/much more slender but got boobs girl walk past. Amazingly, I am comfortable with my height! Haha..Finally. It is okay that I'm short. At least I can look good being short. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA........and in the extreme situations, I can escape through small holes of buildings in the case of a fire or whatnot. Yeah, you can say that I'm trying to make myself feel better. But still. At least it works right.


Bleah.


Exams in 35 more days. As I continue my countdown..I am slowly losing the will. HAHA. Like that's a big surprise.


hmm...I know I sound very ... when I say this but..All I want to do right now is to spend some time with kp. Yeah. Very short term hor.


Haha.


okay. The clock is ticking... - so cliche huh. haha..

*ROAR*


I WANT TO VOMIT BLOOD ALREADY LAAAAA!!!!!!!!!


sigh...the singapore canon website is completely useless and un-informatic. USELESS MAN!


I want to find out whether the canon ink number is compatible with my printer and the website contains virtually NO useful information. They just beat around the bloody bush. Like for example, they have this tab called, "All About Cartridges" and you know what came out of it? This.


Like WTF? WHO THE FUCK WANTS TO KNOW ALL THIS???


Okay. So I am a little worked up. I'm just a little frustrated. Because I bought the black PG-40 and then now I realise that the printer model is not written on the box. Yes, totally my absent-minded mistake. But I'm afraid to take out the ink and try it on my printer because! I checked on the net and there is one website that states that it can work. But it is the ONLY website so far. HOW!!!! fuck.


Feel so helpless. Grrr....


sigh....Any printer smart person can advise me...

yx Days to exam - (y+10)x Days to Beijing

That will be my new thinking from now till 25 April. Sigh..had a hell of a week being moody because of stupid hormones. After a climax of tears and wailing (okay, I'm exaggerating here), it FINALLY came the next day. After torturing me (and kp) for 6 days first. Thank goodness for my boyfriend and my family. Kept me busy. Not my boyfriend i mean...sigh...talking in riddles still. That's okay. Its for my own understanding anyway.


I can't wait to jet off to china to be with kp. sigh...Yes, crazy in love. Never thought I'll actually say that on my blog. I drew up a calendar for March and April and counted the number of days to my exams. It is 43. Add 10 days to that and its the day I will see kp. Keep counting down....


I actually set up shop to start studying. Yes, all motivated to study now. Better clinch this opportunity (while I'm still hot in the oven) to start. If you find this funny and will actually start laughing really loud, YOU BETTER STOP AH!


haha...seriously, I find this funny too. I have a test in an hour...and i only started last night. Here's a toast to my motivation! hahahahahahahahaha...........

海阔天空

i tried to type in chinese but after several attempts i gave up. it looked weird. ah whatever.


just want to say i love my life and everyone who is in it now. haha..


whatever unhappiness that came to me yesterday is gone like the wind. haha.. yay.

Cat and Mouse

Hi all..


it is a drastic change in tone but i guess that is normal? i'm currently pms-ing and i am unhappy. fuck.


that's all.

Happy V-day + 5/2 months

**Very romantic okay this entry! haha..i read through it and found it very ... haha...so BEWARE! if you're feeling tired of love and don't want to feel evil then just see the pictures. hahaha...**


my darling and i had our dinner at lemongrass and i thought i saw patrick tse aka nicholas tse dad. well it could be some random ah peh wearing happening see-through shirt and tied-up long hair AND huge ass sunglasses. who knows? all i know is he looks like him. haha..


some pictures:

See See See!!! the guy behind my dear boy! XIE XIAN! haha..

Dearest darling got jealous because the old man behind him got more of my attention then the food right in front of me. haha..just kidding la..the food was very yummy! :)

That old man is wearing a see-through shirt lor! happening right!

Look at the fabulous food. We ordered quite a lot.

You might not see it but it says "LOVE" :D
awwww....hehehe..

haha..kp says i only care about whether or not i look nice in the picture. haha..he doesn't look nice in this picture hor..haha! but i guess that's what i like about him la. he doesn't mind my nonsense. haha! he is right by the way.

There's actually a smiley face on my ice cream. but you can't see it la. haha..

Wanqi: " Got milk?"

Kp: "Why am i doing this?"

Well...kp and i have made it so far (about a total of half a year la..heh) without any major fights. A BIG feat i must say. Of course we got disagreements la but they are mostly settled quickly with both of us learning more about each other. I really like being with him. But. haha..The big B is still hanging around our heads la. Both of us feel the same way. Which is something i like too.


Another thing i like: he can stand my nonsensical self. hahahaha...he is the only one so far who will answer all my stupid questions patiently and just smile when my ego takes over. he even feeds it lor! so nice right. hahahahaha..no wonder i am so happy. hahahahaha...


BUT.


hahaha..he's not all mr perfect - of course...but i can live with his imperfect self.


because...I have no expectations what-so-ever about where this relationship will turn out, what he is really like or what i want him to be in the future. i have learned from the last r/s that expectations only lead to extreme disappointment + more quarreling = unhappiness.


yup...


kp is flying off in the afternoon later..now it is 330am. hmm..then it'll be another...3/2 months. haha..by the next time i see him, i'll be in beijing. so its an incentive for me to stay together with him. haha..otherwise wasted man! buy tickets then...you know la.


but things are going well..the past week has been fulfilling..i even met his family - his whole family. overwhelming man! but they are very very nice people. very warm. :) yay. good job. hahaha..


be safe darling! i love you! :)


hmm...i wonder if you even read my blog. haha...

pictures + randomness = randures-ness.

dearest sister and i. I love this picture. so SWEET. hehe.. :D

i love this picture too! :) many many reasons why. heh heh heh..

hmm..i have never really told anyone how i really feel about being in a band huh. i think everyone just assumed that when you're in a band, 1) you sound good, and 2) you enjoy being in a band.


well..i do enjoy being in a band. but in actual fact, im not that good. or, not good for that matter.


i was just thinking about it on the way to school earlier and i think i can finally put it to words exactly how i feel about band. haha..


to me, band is like an ex-boyfriend. we had lots of good times together and i really enjoyed being with (or in) band. however due to some reasons, we broke up. every now and then i will recall the good times and wish that perhaps we shouldn't have separated. but last semester i decided to give it one last shot. alas...i was not adequate enough. instead of giving me a B or an A, he gave me a C. disappointed, i gave up. but i will still think of the good times i had with (the) band and wonder what it may have been if i went to a different secondary school with a different band instructor.


but whatever la. i think i was not fated to be good. seriously...my primary school instructor was so-so (quite bad la) and my secondary school instructor also so-so (quite bad also). sigh..but lots of factors played in la..Do you know, i joined the band for almost 8 years, i have NEVER played in SYF? so that means that training wasn't very tough and i didnt improve at all. my level of playing became stagnant in sec 3. hmm...but i do like being IN a band. it's really a different feeling playing with a bunch of people. sometimes i do wish things were different..like maybe in sec sch my instructor could have given me a chance to play other instruments instead of the cornet. SIGH....


its over i know..but the trumpet is really made for men..seriously..it just is..being stuck with it was a love/hate thing..i felt i could never improve with it..and it made me feel inferior to men. i have yet to meet a lady who can play the trumpet really well. sigh..but i guess it all boils down to hard work and commitment. i certainly am not committed to the trumpet.


ANYWAY.


I love my friends - nad, yiyun, sinyi.


I love my family - the other 5 of me. (haha..)


I love my roommate - jan.


I love my toiletmates - jieying and amanda.


last but not least,


I love my boyfriend - kokpeng.


:D

in an attempt to be narcissistic. i think i passed with flying colours. haha.. happy new year everyone! :)

hi all


i cut my hair.

Sometimes i wonder if im undermining myself. I seriously am fickle-minded. No, this is not a "I-Hate-Myself" entry.


But one thing is for sure. I am happy. This is something no one can take from me, I guess. My happiness. Or, perhaps, it is because i really had fun for the last 3 weeks training with my new found friends. It makes me want to join other things. Like Hall Production. Haha..kick start my acting career. OKay. Im just kidding. haha..


Another 7 more days. I can't believe i endured/survived the last 3 weeks without him. Must be the cheerleading. But still, it really really had been fun. I'd upload the video of our routine during competition if i could but the size is damn big and blogger.com cannot upload such a big file (max size is 100mb). The file is 1gb.


I do have pictures la. But kinda lazy to upload now. haha..the picture in the entry before this is one we took before the competition started. Our skirts weren't supposed to be long when we're in that formation.


Well, i guess come feb till april i better be burying my head in my books if i want to do well...sigh..

HALL T W O LET'S GO! WE SAY!

HAHAHAHAH....


we got into the TOP 5 MAN!!! WAHAHAHAHAH....

I Ran Away

Hi everyone. I'm doing great. The great big bruise is almost gone. Haha..thanks for everyone's concern.


Anyway, I didn't join the school cheerleading la! haha..though it'll be kinda cool to do so right..hahaha..Im in the cheerleading team for my hall for the upcoming cheer competition amongst the halls. That bruise was my one and only big bruise. That is visible that is. hahahaha...


I'll be counting down to another 20 more days. Everything is still okay. We're still doing well. The yearning to be near is not so strong yet...maybe after chinese new year? hmm..Well I'm not being pessimistic (though I have to admit I have tendencies), just realistic.


Tutorial today was okay. One tutor didn't come for my last class and after half hour of waiting i left. Time wasters.


Work last saturday was okay. Witnessed a political cat fight between my co-workers, one full time one permanent part-time. At least I do not hold much threat to them. Last thing I'd want is to get involved. *shudders*


If anyone wants to catch me (and the rest of the team) in action flying and dancing and cheering (triple combo!), the competition is on 23 Jan, Wednesday, around 6 or 7. Come and support Hall 2! heh...we might have a shot at not being last 3. haha!

the warrior scar from cheerleading. hahaha..

Excited, Anxious, Worried

My darling just left not too long ago for the great motherland of a different species of chinese people. Hope he'll be okay. Gonna miss him a lot. Don't really know how things are going to turn out. For him and for us. Though he'll be back in 28 days, then going again for...4 months...we'll just have to wait and see...Everyone knows that the person who leaves is not going to miss the people back home as much as the opposed right? hmm...


I dont know la.


Just want him to be safe and sound.

not enough

I had a slight bout of depression this afternoon, leading me to conclude that I've had it with being so fucking critical about myself.


Fuck la.


I've had it. I don't have to care what the hell people think about me. Or what they will think about me.


I hate being so insecure about my everything.


Fuck.


But I met mygreatlove who gave me a nice big hug with the promise that everything will be okay. Made me feel better instantly...


Thanks to my darlings who are always be there for me!


Sigh....FUCK LA. Today is NOT a good day for me.

"Happy" New Year

my darling is leaving in 6 days...
sigh...

Willie, if you're reading this, I just want to say Im so glad you're so childish.


I just hope that you will grow up soon enough because you might just end up like a certain 40-something man we used to know. Do you like him? No? I didn't think so.


But whatever la.


Your girlfriend was right. We were arguing like some little kids. But my intention wasn't to argue with you. It doesn't matter anymore i guess. Serves me right for reading your blog and finding out that (surprise surprise) you are so childish.


Im glad because I realised my boyfriend and you have no points for comparison! Yay! haha.. For example, he is mature. You are childish. Both of you are just different! See?


If you think I downgraded, I think you should try harder if you want to feed your ego with lies. I didn't downgrade or upgrade. I just moved to a different country. A country where I am happy. If you are not going to be mature about it and be happy for me because I am happy, then so be it. Stay that way. I don't care. Be a both a bitter AND childish boy. Wow! Such a good combination. Nice!


Take whatever you need from my blog and say whatever you want in your blog. Say whatever you want about me to your girlfriend. My conscience is clear. I didnt do anything wrong to you. I didn't BETRAY you or LIE to you or CHEAT on you.


Im just glad I can close you out of my life and out of my heart. Thank you for being so childish.

Photo entry

malaysia trip with hall

well..believe it or not..this is just recreational smoking. I believe it. :)

genting - first world hotel - only these lights are nice.

Lovely roomie. :)

Lovely roomie and toiletmate. :)

KL - Berjaya Times Square - Amazing, impressive, I love the room.
okay. so I love the toilet too.

12/12 - :) sentosa resort sucks. maybe its just the weather.

love the company. haha..

trying to act sexy and beautiful. haha..

vivo city - nice lunch at sushi tei.

my absolute favourite - dobinmushi

my half-eaten expensive-but-good prawn/seafood noodles. haha..

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
okay. so overall, I had a fun and enjoyable time with kp. though i know im probably spending too much time with him. haha.. but what can i do..he's going away for half a year.

just a quick post:


Kp and i are T-O-G-E-T-H-E-R. hahahaha...yes, after 4 plus months of dating. Well, for me anyway. maybe its a different thought from him?


Hope this will be different, since we started out different anyway. haha..


Love to all. including the guy who tentatively has my heart for now.


:D


i'm happy.


believe it or not.

Choking on shoelaces

okay. Just a quick post.


My exams are OVER! hahaha... Anyway the reason for this post is so to tell you (my lovely friends) that I'm FREE. To shop, hang out, whatever. Till Jan la. haha.. so CALL ME. okay. haha..


Next:


I so badly want to try harder to make it different. I WANT it to be different. I want my Life to be different.


I'm really trying to be more open minded but at the same time, more opinionated. Sometimes I find myself too accepting to people's ideas and thoughts that I don't really try to challenge them. That's quite a disadvantage if you ask me because for a paper which requires thoughts and argument, I kinda suck.


I'm trying. I want to be different from this past year, I want to show everyone that I can be quite grown up when it comes to a relationship. I don't want to run around in circles, I don't want to make a big fuss out of a piece of sand, I don't want to quarrel. I want to be happy. and I'm sure i'm not the only one.


Oh yeah. Haha.. I just want to say that I think Men in general are JUST LIKE WOMEN.


Here is my case:


Men = Women + EGO + PRIDE. But since some women are Women = Women + Pride + Ego, I conclude, using logical equivalence, that Men = Women. HAHA.


WHY? Here's why:


They
- secretly want lots of attention and will in their own way demand for it => Like women.
- actually secretly love to gossip and complain => Like women. Except we're obvious about it.
- will get hurt easily. => Like some women.
- keep everything inside them. => Like some women.
- secretly want people to guess what they're thinking about. => Women's trait.


The list can go on and on. But I'll stop here. haha..


Anyone disagree with my case? feel free to start a debate with me. haha.. I want to practice my argument skills.

Pour some sucre on me BABY!

My cinema studies paper is in 1 and 30 mins! And I have sort of run out of ideas. It'll be a challenging/argumentative/discussion/debate sort of paper. I have to convince myself for the next few minutes that I'm GOOD at bullshitting and writing at the speed of light.


Yeah baby! I'm GOOOOOOd.


You know what is the worse thing? I only started studying for this paper last night and my only solution is to write all sorts of nonsense into my book which I can bring in with me. Some old habits die hard.


Bullshitting - Im Good at it.


28 hours more!!!!!!!! I really cant wait.


Top 10 things I want to do:


1) Hug and kiss my mom
2) Hug and kiss my cat (just to irritate her. haha...but i know she digs it.wah ha )
3) S H O P - for anything - clothes, shoes, books, comics, earrings, whatever
4) Go to the beach for some fun activity with Kp
5) Sleep on my WONDERFUL WONDERFUL BED
6) Buy presents
7) Watch shows on my mac
8) Watch a movie in the cinema
9) Eat at a nice Jap restaurant
10) Clean up my room at NTU camp because it's getting really dirty and messy. hahaha! - this no. 10 is totally optional for me though. I might not do it. haha..


just a bit more...feel so out of breath...sigh...and my grades are not going to be fantastic...sigh...okay. ignore that.