T..h...e  wea...ther issssssssss f.....u.....c.....k....ing.....H.....OOOO.....TTTTTTTTTTT........................

No excuses for this semester. I know I did badly. I know I should have gone for all my classes. I need to be a more responsible adult. I am turning 21. Need to act more adult like. 

Yeah right. 

I'm in love with Joe and Chet

To me, Joe Hisaichi is one of the best composers in this world. I am in love with him...even though he is a tad too old for me. Haha..

His songs are.. so moving... so full of feelings... :( 

Chet Baker too. I have no idea why, but I really love his voice and the way he played his trumpet. His songs are filled with quiet emotions. Even though some of his song have a happy title, the song is filled with sadness and loneliness. Frankly, it is quite depressing. Combined with the fact that his life was filled with drugs and violence, and he committed suicide. Sigh...But I still love him..his music I mean...

Sigh...Can't believe my second year is ending and I'm going to be a 3rd year student soon...so fast..........GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M TURNING 21!!!!!

I'll write a wish list soon. Haha..just in case people want to buy me presents! :D WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH........Oh yeah my birthday is still far away. But I keep dreaming about it. Sigh..some were nightmare too..So scary to be an adult.....I don't even look like I'm 20 lor...Sigh..........

Water Wings

Fine. Do whatever you like. I don't care. 

Life in Technicolour

This post has nothing to do with my life. Just wanted to rant about something I read.

Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer apparently said recently that the difference between a mac and a pc is just $500 and a logo!!

That is not true at all! 

Think about ALLL the problems that comes with your pc that cost LOTS of money and NO guarantees!!!

1) VIRUSES - The pc doesn't even come with any free applications which can help you battle the viruses. These viruses probably exists because Microsoft ALLOWS them to. How irritating is that? Plus, to effectively battle the viruses, you need to buy an extra app which costs you more $$$ AND the protection DOESN'T even LAST. This means you have to CONTINUALLY SPEND to keep your pc VIRUS-FREE. 

2) JUNK APPS - A standard pc comes with loads of junk that you cannot even get rid of! Have you ever had a hard disk space problem and wanted to get rid of some apps which you will never use but SOME HOW, it doesn't show up in the Program Delete Application? How irritating is that? That you have to go extra miles to get what you want in your laptop?

3) SPEED and CRASHES - My macbook only crashed ONCE in its 1+ years of age, and that is because of the hard disk (not made by Apple). I can run many many many applications at one time and my mac will still give me the speed I need. I was doing video editing in Windows (installed in my macbook) and the number of times it suddenly crashed because I was running the internet at the same time was countless. So freaking irritating..........................

4) VISTA - I personally had not used this OS but judging from the reviews I got from friends and forums, I am kind of glad I am using a macbook with OS X. Using XP at home and with my macbook just really irritates me with the lack of speed and...other stuff. To the point that I just want to uninstall the OS. 

These are just some of the things I can think of. I used to be a pc user. But I am SO glad I bought a macbook instead in freshmen year. I am REALLY happy to be with my purchase and I am sure I will continue to be. Yes, buying a mac can be expensive. But compared to all the HEADACHE I would face using a pc, I can personally say that this is money well-spent. 

I guess once you yourself use a macbook, you would never turn back. Ever. 

This is

I added a new music player on the right! its on auto-on so turn it off if you don't want to listen to it okay! Actually I am not really a big fan of these kinds of music players but well..it is quite cool! Really! There are tons of music that I like (not like imeem) that I can find on this website! Yup. Haha..Just to warn you, the playlist is MIXED!!!! Mostly Chet Baker, some club music and some quiet rock. Haha..Suit my mood. 

Well, hope you don't find the player irritating!

Updates:

Hmm....there are 3 weeks more to exam. 

I just killed a cough (Remedy - If your cough is a cold cough like mine (meaning...eh no phlegm except at night when you cough like crazy, no voice change), drink lots of water!!!, drink ginger water!!! (it really really helped my cough), see the doctor. Haha..get well soon!!).

I miss shopping.

I have no money.

I'll be going to watch the Oasis concert with my sister!!! :D

I'm really living the frugal life recently. Sigh....

I MISS HOME......didn't realize it until I went home on saturday. SIGH....

OH!!! I completed 2 omc videos!!!! 

I will update the links when I finish uploading the videos to youtube! :)

Alright! Update next time! (OH yeah! HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERJIE!!!)

Whatever's left

I must be lacking something in me. I know I am self-centered. But not all the time. I try to control myself. At least recently I do. Haha..


Perhaps things can't be changed between us anymore..anything that comes will only make it worse, not better or stronger. Because..I still don't really know what I want and...I feel that I have done my best till this date..


I feel that I have constantly tried different ways to handle situations and tried to change a little..maybe it is not enough..maybe I just want a little recognition. Just from ... I know I am self-centered..but I also know I need to be praised just by ...


People always wish for things they don't have. This is what makes human flawed..they can try to be satisfied..but try as they can, there will always be that little voice that says, "What if..."


I need to pick up something new man..just to take my mind off things.

Alice and Celia

Alice and Celia

Thanks everyone for coming to watch! Hahaha...


Its been rather long since I wrote something here huh..I've been busy so its been good. Haha..rather busy than not busy at all..like last year. Anyway, I think my period is coming. Hence I found the need to blog. But in any case, its been good. Yup..just wanted to say that.

8am departure

Hi everyone..


7 Feb (Saturday) is my hall's stage production..and as you guys all know im the lead. Haha..If anyone wants to watch please feel free to sms me (preferably) or call me (if you have no choice).


The ticket is $15 and the title of the play is called Alice and Celia. It is about Alice and her sad life. Serious. Haha..but it's really nice. It is not a comedy so yeah..Haha..


I am going home tomorrow..I really can't wait. I miss home.. :( and everyone who made the house empty.

I love my home. It cannot be compared to anywhere else.

Exams are over..


My laptop internal HD has died on me suddenly. I believe it is a hardware problem hence it can't be fixed. Stupid Seagate. It's only 1 years old in my laptop lor. Unless it is recycled la. Bloody shit man...I have not brought it to the shop yet but have tried putting my HD into another lappy..doesn't work..If only Seagate will give me my money to get back my lost pictures since they are the ones who made this crappy HD.


Anyway..on a different note, I have been rather interested in clothes after having watched some runway shows via iTunes podcasts. Even making my own clothes sounds appealing..I went shopping today and bought some stuff amounting to over $200!!! Welll....I can't say I didn't enjoy myself though. Haha..


I wonder what I can do well in...certainly not math..I cannot forsee myself doing something remotely related to this. I can't even do mental sums. Sigh............

Is Michael Jackson dead???

Read it here.

So bizarre and weird.

Edit: Okay some other website claims that this "The Onion" reports are mostly satirical. Well..Haha..it would have been more interesting if this story is true huh. Haha..shit. I am so gullible. 

Obama won. Now I hope he will do a good job and not let everyone who were inspired by him down.


My dear Mr Michael Chrichton has passed away due to cancer. I feel sad that there will no longer be any new books from him and any exciting new debates my sister and I can have about his new book. Sigh....But he sure wrote some very very memorable books and my sister has the whole collection. It is a sad event for the world man....In case you have no idea who this man is, he was the one who wrote Jurassic Park, Sphere, The 13th Warrior/Eaters of the Dead, Timeline (though the movie sucks because he wasn't in the movie-making process), Andromeda Strain (the new movie sucks like shit because of the reason given earlier. What a bad representation of the book), Congo....He also created/wrote/produced the drama series ER...and co-wrote the movie Twister..All his books are different in plot, character and theme. Yes, mainly science fiction but made easy to read with diagrams and drawings, and most importantly, good explanations. He was someone who really knew what he was talking about, especially in the last few very science fiction books that he wrote. Sigh...........No other author was like you or will ever be. You will remain truly one of the greatest in my (and my sister's) heart.


Oh and I just realised that..I chose to do my current degree because I wanted (thought) to do anything but science, failing to realise that mathematics is a science. Now I am in the College of Science in NTU. -_-" Doing something that is more "science" than anything else. Bleah. Fate. You can't run away from it.

"America's Next Top President"

4 more days before we know who is the next American president. This is the 1st time I have followed a campaign so closely.


I hope it is worth it because following the campaign so closely has me wanting to vote for the next American president. Haha..


It'll be so funny if it is Tyra Banks announcing the next president. Imagine her doing her eye-blink-thing.

Pre-exam Stress

Exams are coming and I am feeling *in a high pitched note* STRESS!!!


In this context, stress is a feeling and not a, how you call it? A verb? Haha..


12 more days. 6 papers. 6 weeks of work and no play.


Badly need a getaway.

I am whining

I just realised how easy it is for one to let go of a friend whom he or she hasn't talked to for a long time. I did that once, without explaining to her why I no longer wished to talk to her. Perhaps it is my karma now.


I keep hoping I'll meet someone in hall or school who I can feel very bonded with without much effort but the only person I found is my boyfriend. That wasn't exactly what I was looking for but I am glad I met him just the same.


I know it is human nature to want things you cannot have and once you have it, you wish you hadn't got it.


I miss my girlfriends. But I guess it is my fate that none of them goes to the same school as me and one of them is not in the country. I wanted to fit in in a group but I haven't ever since primary school with the malay girls. I wanted a great room mate but I hadn't and now I'm living on my own. I wanted to meet more people to search for a great friend but I guess it is more difficult than I thought it would be.


How bleak a picture I have painted for myself.


I need to reshape my perceptions..and let go of the people who have already let me go a long time ago.

Family life

My dad is back, and so is my sister, for the past week. I realize that the house is MUCH better with my dad around and seriously, I know why my family does not have disputes. Because everyone is not home all the time, when we do meet up, we concentrate on enjoying each other's company and not give in to petty quarrels. With the exception of my mom, who uses nagging as a form of communication. Which is irritating.


I want to go home...My dad is leaving this friday till, most probably, January when it's chinese new year, and my sister is leaving on saturday. :( And, I am stuck HERE. In the wasteland. I want to go HOME!!!!!!!!


Times like these I wish they all work in this island so we can all spend time together at home. But oh well...


Maybe I'm just being emo but this time when my dad is back, it made me realise that I need to cherish him more when he is still healthy and strong, and still able to hold my hand and bring me around. I really dread the day when he and my mom age to the point where I will have to hold their hands and bring them around. It is not a bad thing really...but I guess part of me still want my parents to take care of me.


I am so grateful that I am being born to my parents who have given me all their love and support. And also my siblings. Haha..I think things will be so different for me if I didn't have 2 sisters and 1 brother. I wouldn't change anything about my family if given the chance, except maybe hoping they will work in Singapore. But I am seriously blessed to be able to travel out of this island and explore just even a little of this world. It has made me open my eyes to my privileges as a citizen of this country and as a member of my family.


Now, I just need to get through university life...and earn some money. Money can help me buy experiences that are out of this world. Such as, bringing my mom to Japan and act like we're on Japan Hour. Or to Europe. Anyway. Whoever said money can't buy you happiness, is partially wrong. I need more money man...*Money money money, must be funny, in a rich man's world...*

After listening to the presidential debate, I can't help but feel John McCain is like, if not exactly, George Bush. I just can't help but feel that he is an old man who keeps telling grandfather stories and he even speaks like Bush! He doesn't really talk much about what he will do but just keep putting Obama down. Very irritating to hear him talk. I can just imagine what the future, or rather, the next 8 years, is going to be like if he is going to be elected. Bleah........Please vote for Obama!


Really hope he will win man..He just gives me the feeling that he will deliver what he says and so far what he is saying is SOOOOOO practical and soooo like what is needed. Change is really what he is going for and he seems really sure of what he wants to achieve. Plus, the way he speaks! I mean, minus the slight stammer, he sounds so down-to-earth and humble! Not like the arrogant, know-it-all old man that will most likely do what Bush is doing! McCain says Obama is naive when talking about certain issues, but at least he has some fresh new ideas. 旧的不去，新的不来 what. Plus, Obama can hold his own! Who knows maybe whatever McCain has been saying is being planned and scripted by someone in the background.


Haha..My mind is so set on Obama to win. I really hope Americans will make a smart choice. But seriously, I find their elections so funny. So much talking.

Dreaming with a broken heart

shit...feeling super down...hope it is a sign...and the song is soooooooooo sad...


Dreaming with a Broken Heart By John Mayer


check it out..

and...
I miss paris..
I miss travelling..
I miss the mountains..
I miss seeing all the white people walking all about not giving a hoot about the little chinese girl..
I miss the very professional looking hairdresser in Beijing...
I miss the picnic at the Versailles...
I miss staring at all the deeply emotional renaissance paintings and prefering them to the modern contempory ones..
I miss the restaurants...
I miss looking out at the foreign view from the trains when on the way back...
I miss that feeling of independence...
I miss feeling happy.........

Fake Plastic Trees

My body is killing me man...I have no idea what is wrong with it. It feels empty when I just had food, full of air when I had already burped out my whole stomach..and the worst thing is I feel like puking.


Plus I can FEEL myself pms-ing. Like really bad. Because when I find fault with kp, it means my period is coming. Hahaha..Right now, I'm just finding a lot of fault in him. So it means I'm pms-ing really bad.


My recess week is ending...so sad...

If smoke gets in your eyes

My boyfriend had once said to me that he has quit smoking - or rather, will not smoke in our small island because it is too expensive. But from what I can see, he is inching his way back into his old habit after his brief stint in china. 

Whether or not he will admit he is back into smoking, to me, it is one thing to take a cigarette someone has offered you, and it is another to reach for the box yourself. 

I frankly, am not entirely okay with this. For one, I think he is slightly challenging my giving of full freedom to him in doing whatever he wants to do as long as he is happy. We have not talked about this yet, because I feel that it is a sensitive issue. Why am I writing this here then..because he seldom if almost never reads my blog. I don't even know if I can or should draw the line. I am afraid that he might sort of threaten to hide from me that he smokes if I voice my unhappiness. 

I am trying my best to tolerate this. I don't know how much is my tolerance and if I'm feeling like this because I'm not feeling well. I'm probably thinking too much, as usual. Truthfully, I don't really want to be with a smoker. Because...I've been with one before. I think a lot of time is being wasted (for me) on waiting for them to finish smoking. I was almost ALWAYS WAITING. Which is a little waste of my bloody time. 

Unless of course, I pick up smoking. Then, I can join the gang..

Take the lead

Guess what?? I'm the lead actress in the next stage production for my hall!!! WAHAHAHAHA........


I just did the best I could in the audition and well..hehe...I heard it is going to be held on 6 or 7 Feb next year.


I hope I will do well and wow everyone who is going to watch the play. :D I'm feeling excited. Finally something that perhaps I could do well in.

Irony

YAY! I passed my driving test. Hahahahaha...


First, I have to learn how to park.


Second, I have to learn how to check blindspots.


Third, I have to learn how to change lanes confidently in an expressway.


Fourth, I have to learn how to drive with my shoes on.


Hmm....did I tell you I went for lessons so that someone can teach me how to do all these things?

Who knows driving is such a pain the ass. Sigh..Stress man..My driving test is tomorrow and I'm like dead. Well, I feel rather confident that if nothing goes wrong tomorrow I will pass. But. Sigh.........


Plus I think I'm pms-ing. Which is worse! How untimely it is to come at a time like this. Bleah......

I'm sorry I'm back here once again. My studying is getting no where, my heart is not in it and I have driving tomorrow because I have my test on monday. Sigh..and a quiz. Bleah...


Feeling quite anal about things that are not even important.


But I'm a girl. So shoot me.

Pissed.

Feeling pissed. Have no idea what sparked it. Or, even if I do know, things are not going according to what I want. Maybe that is why I'm pissed. Add to the fact that my cat is on heat like everyday. I want to vomit blood man.


*ROARRRRRRR*

My First Anniversary

We had a very nice and romantic and brainless dinner. Haha..outside his room at a bench table with all our ta-paoed food and disposable wine glasses and table cloth. Cheapo but romantic nonetheless.


We have already done the dine-in-some-high-class-place-and-take-many-pictures thingy in Beijing. In fact we did it so many times in Beijing we felt we can't do it here in Singapore anymore. Haha..Too expensive and not as good. Maybe it's just the novelty of doing things like these overseas.


I like the way we did our anniversary. We went to ADM once again after that. Nope..no pictures for that..


I hope I will spend more anniversaries with him. I really hope to do that. :]

After being with someone for a year, one will start to think if that someone is "right", right? I've doing some thinking recently, wondering if the things that are happening now are just temporary and if I'm just focusing on the details and not the big picture. I have been rather rational recently in my bid to maintain some self-control over my emotions, and I find myself constantly analysing the little things. Do I really know this man as I know him to be? Or is he actually someone else entirely? Recent happenings have made me face with the fact that things can't always be what I expected them to be. I am trying to find a way to face situations like that normally and not go hysterical like what I have been doing. How difficult or easy is it for me to just "let go"? To me, letting go is the hardest part. Am I really okay or am I forcing myself to BE okay. Sometimes I really wonder. What is right?


I don't want my life to be controlled by "should"s. I just want to be as free and happy as I can.

Camp

Hi guys..it's been a long time..


i'm feeling kind of down right now, probably because i'm feeding myself some sad slow songs. haha.


i don't know how i'm going to continue this. it's stupid. i want to stop whining about something. my heart and my brain is separate in this matter. how am i going to continue this next year? i really wonder. is it really unfair as you said? what the heck have you done anyway? and i thought i was being nice. fuck you for taking advantage of me. i don't need you. do you know that?


im going to seriously stop being nice. civil, yes. nice as in help you? no. now that things are different for you, i hope the best for you. hope you will grow up and learn how to take care of your own fucking business instead of always troubling others to take care of them for you. what a waste of my fucking time and feelings. fuck you. really.